All right, (In)Deciders, did you do your American duty by waking up at 4 a.m. on Friday to stand in line for a 50 percent discount on a flat-screen television made by people who live far, far from America? If so, congratulations. You helped drive retail sales up 3 percent, but before you start high-fiving your credit card, please note that this was the weakest Black Friday growth in three years.

Never fear, though: Today is Cyber Monday, the biggest day for online shopping. Millions, billions of dollars, flowing through the inter-tubes and into retailers' coffers. That'll fix everything right up…

[T]he data suggest the significance of Cyber Monday is overrated. "Cyber Monday has never been the biggest day for online shopping," according to Craig Berman, a spokesman for online megaretailer Amazon.com Inc. For instance, Berman said that last year Amazon's biggest shopping day fell on Dec. 10. Historically, the company's biggest shopping day typically falls around the second week of December, he added.

This has led to a new, artificially coined designation — Green Monday. Online auctioneer eBay Inc. cooked up the term to refer to the last day in which online shoppers can still lock in free-shipping deals in time for Christmas.

And if Green Monday doesn't cure our economic woes, there's always I Just Got Fired So I Drank a Lot and Went on an Ill-Advised Shopping Spree Friday.

Or, you know, It's Not a Recession Any More Tuesday.