Claiming that the president was preying on the public's fear of contracting a fatal disease last week when he declared the H1N1 virus a national emergency, Republican leaders announced Wednesday that they were officially endorsing the swine flu…

Other prominent Republicans opposing Obama's declaration of emergency include Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal, who urged residents of his state to continue not washing their hands, and radio host Rush Limbaugh, who made a point of dying of the virus during his show on Wednesday.

I don't think there's anything to add to that. We can probably all just go home now.

See also: U.S. Continues Quagmire-Building Effort In Afghanistan

And guess what? You're a health care policy expert who led the Louisiana Department of Health and Hospitals and then worked in George W. Bush's Health and Human Services Department. You know what's being debated right now? Yes! Hurry, sir! The national stage is waiting! Put on your official NBC page jacket and get out there…

I know a little something about health care policy, and I can tell you exactly the game that is currently afoot. If the House Democrats’ plan were to become law, the president’s statement that “if you like your health care now, you can keep it” will not be true. This is not an opinion, this is a fact.

Businesses will, in effect, be forced to send employees into the Democrats’ government-run health care. It’s really not something to argue about, it is a fact. [...] The plan the House Democrats are developing is a radical restructuring of health care in America. You may like it, you may not, but it is just that; there is no denying or sugarcoating it.

Facts! Yay! Facts are the best, because unlike opinions, they are irrefutable. Opinions are just chunks of random shapes we call "letters" that have been arranged into completely arbitrary groupings called "words" which are then organized into "sentences" according to the whims of "your media strategist." But these are facts, undeniable and unsugarcoatable truths, which you, Governor Jindal, just spoke to power (Barack Obama).

Say, governor, you've inspired me to look up more of these "facts," perhaps about health care. Oh look, here's one: Louisiana places dead last in national health rankings, and has been at the bottom of the list since 1990.

Well, shoot. But "national health rankings," that's Democrat for "opinions," right?

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Among the revelations? Sarah Palin is a backstabby nincompoop with the all political skills of a Styrofoam peanut, and her shenanigans gave John McCain's advisers a serious case of the ulcers/"no comments." But what about Palin's second-most scrutinized child, that sweet little baby, Jesus "Trig" Christ?

When Trig was born, Palin wrote an e-mail letter to friends and relatives, describing the belated news of her pregnancy and detailing Trig's condition; she wrote the e-mail not in her own name but in God's, and signed it "Trig’s Creator, Your Heavenly Father."

Egomaniacal? Perhaps. Or perhaps Sarah Palin is just doing God's will, and by God's will, obviously, I mean Sarah Palin's will.

At any rate, this is very good news for Bobby Jindal, who's always wanted to prove that he could beat God in a primary election.

If only we could have fifteen presidents. The choosing is just too hard!

89. Bobby Jindal tries to follow the State of the Union

88. The Boss endorses Obama

87. Obama's new swing set

86. Just a poor vote herder

85. Daniel Tosh on Obama's name

84. Samantha Bee on the end of frat boy culture

83. When ancestors attack!

82. Barack Obama against distractions

81. Chocolate News on why Obama isn't the first black president

Go to 80-71
Go to 100-91

The big, thick, throbbing question is, though: How much strategic homophobia is just the right amount of strategic homophobia?

Possible presidential candidates Charlie Crist (governor of Florida), Mike Huckabee (former governor of Arkansas), Jon Huntsman (governor of Utah), Bobby Jindal (governor of Louisiana), Sarah Palin (governor of Alaska), Tim Pawlenty (governor of Minnesota), Mitt Romney (former governor of Massachusetts), Mark Sanford (governor of South Carolina), and former Speaker Newt Gingrich are all against gay marriage.

The key difference: Crist and Huntsman favor civil unions for gay couples, while the other seven are against… The question is whether Crist's and Huntsman’s support for civil unions will ultimately cost them more votes than they will gain. A recent University of Iowa poll offers a mixed answer. According to the poll, 53% of Iowa Republicans wish to ban gay marriage and civil unions through a constitutional amendment. On the other hand, just 30% of Iowa independents — who have made up about 15%-25% of Republican caucus attendees in recent competitive contests — favor such an amendment.

To be honest, I really don't think this will still be such a big issue three years from now.

I'm sure the Lord will have rained upon DesMoines and upon Ames brimstone and fire from the Lord out of heaven long before the 2012 primaries.

For what it's worth, I think Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal answered the question as best he could, with a sense of thoughtful nuance unbecoming of a Republican…

"It depends on what he's trying to do," Jindal told a crowd of about 1,200 Republicans at the National Building Museum… If the president does what Jindal agrees with — like cutting earmarks — then he said he wishes Obama success. But if the president, as Jindal perceives, keeps the United States indebted to China, taxes Americans to fund abortions in foreign countries, taxes private businesses or allows public union elections, then, Jindal said, Republicans should want Obama to fail in those measures.

"We are loyal to the United States, but we don't have to be loyal to every policy," he stated… He added that opposition, as he sees it, is a healthy exercise for democracy.

Unfortunately, that sort of of ugly attention to intelligently-considered rhetoric will never fly with Republican voters. If he wants to be the GOP's nominee in '12, he's gonna have to change that answer to something more akin to "Me hate Herr President Communist! We want him fail big time! Drill endangered species for oil!"

I think I missed my calling as a speechwriter.

Here's why we monitor volcanoes again.

Just sayin'.

Apparently, Rush Limbaugh has one hell of a right hook or RNC chair Michael Steele has one delicate glass vase of a jaw…

Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele says he has reached out to Rush Limbaugh to tell him he meant no offense when he referred to the popular conservative radio host as an "entertainer" whose show can be "incendiary."

"My intent was not to go after Rush — I have enormous respect for Rush Limbaugh," Steele said in a telephone interview. "I was maybe a little bit inarticulate… There was no attempt on my part to diminish his voice or his leadership."

"I went back at that tape and I realized words that I said weren't what I was thinking," Steele said. "It was one of those things where I thinking I was saying one thing, and it came out differently. What I was trying to say was a lot of people… want to make Rush the scapegoat, the bogeyman, and he's not."

I wish I could figure out how to spell that pussy-whipped sound people make when you tell them you can't meet them for drinks becuase you're already late to meet your girlfriend for He's Just Not That Into You, because that would be the perfect thing to write right here.

Now, if I'm not mistaken, Rush has only to devour the body of Steele to fully usurp his power as leader of the GOP. But that may take a little while; it looks as though he's already eaten a couple people — including Bobby Jindal — earlier today.