Breaking, official: disgraced Hewlett-Packard CEO/McCain '08 ladypuppet Carly Fiorina is gunning for Barbara Boxer's Senate seat in California.

All she has to do now is secure the Republican nomination, and here's where the story gets symbolic…

Fiorina, considered to be a moderate Republican with little history on social issues, will face off against conservative California Assemblyman Chuck DeVore for the GOP nomination.

The Fiorina-DeVore matchup has all the makings of another Republican battle between the conservative wing of the party and national leaders seeking for the most electable candidate. [...] A string of conservative bloggers have already lined up behind DeVore, and South Carolina Sen. Jim DeMint said Tuesday he was backing the assemblyman.

So which will it be, California Republicans? The ineffective lady whose printers never work or the DeMint-ed DeVore? Only time will tell, but either way, it'll have nothing to do with the shallowness of the GOP's leadership pool and everything to do with Barack Obama's first year in office.

By now you've seen California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's letter to the State Assembly that included an expletive-laden secret message. It's been passed all around the internet, and last night it was featured on The Colbert Report. In fact, that letter has now been seen by more people than Collateral Damage and The 6th Day combined.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Can you spot Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's secret message to California state senators, accompanying his veto of their unanimous approval of funds to help the port of San Francisco?

Look closely…

That's right. The secret message is that he's not going to tolerate unecessary legislation when more urgent serious reform is greatly needed.

Thank you for playing.

If outlawing divorce was good enough for the Babylonians, then it's good enough for California…

This video comes from some smartypants called RescueMarriage.org who think their pants are so smart that they introduced the 2010 California Marriage Protection Act — which not-completely-genuinely aims to protect marriage from the evils of divorce — in response to last year's Proposition 8 — which genuinely genuinely genuinely aimed to protect marriage from the evils of marriage.

And it looks like they'll be assembling next month…

On November 14, 2009, thousands of Californians will be united in a common cause as we march on the state capitol building to demand a return to traditional values as part of our petition kick-off event.

Participate in democracy the American way, by shouting angrily, using inflammatory rhetoric and memorizing jingoistic slogans to chant or misspell on signs.

I'm curious to see what their protest march looks like. No way that those people will be funnier than these people.

Exiled Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina proved her political mettle last year when she served as a "top economic advisor" to John McCain, a job that's kind of like being a pastry chef for a diabetic, admittedly. But Fiorina made some news herself on the campaign trail: there was the time she said Sarah Palin wasn't qualified to run a company, and then the time she accidentally made John McCain take a question about flaccid penises.

These incidents were widely seen as gaffes, or "Bidens," but I'm starting to wonder if Carly Fiorina doesn't have some sort of secret blueprint for politics that only she can understand. For example, see the screenshot above? That is Carly Fiorina's new website, because — having done so well helping John McCain win the White House — our gal C.Fi is possibly maybe challenging Democrat Barbara Boxer for her California Senate seat.

Oh, it gets better…

"It's Day and Night," the bright red Web site reads. "It's Dogs and Cats. It's Good and Bad. It's Carly vs. Boxer."

"It's the most singularly awful political website I have ever seen, and I am including all the old, basic HTML websites that were the rage 10 years ago," conservative blogger John Hawkins of the site RightWingNews.com said in an e-mail to CNN.

Well yes, of course it's awful. Don't you see? As a businessperson, Carly Fiorina understands the importance of branding.

And this is the perfect representation of her brand: being incredibly bad at everything^TM.

* A useful guide for translating from Teabagger into English.

* So, it turns out there really were 2 million people at the 9/12 march. Give or take 1,930,000.

* Yo, Kanye. I'm really happy for you and I'ma let you finish, but TMZ has one of the best audio recordings of Barack Obama calling you a "jackass" of all time.

* Rep. Pete Stark (D-Calif.) to health care protester: "I wouldn't dignify you by peeing on your leg, it wouldn't be worth wasting the urine."