No you would not, at least not if you're a Canadian delegate to the United Nations…

Canada will boycott Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's speech at the United Nations on Wednesday, saying his outbursts about the Holocaust and Israel are "shameful."

Foreign Minister Lawrence Cannon will be at the world body to attend the opening of the UN General Assembly's annual debate, but officials signal he and other members of the Canadian delegation will vacate the Canadian seats when the Islamic republic's President approaches the podium.

Yeah! That's right! Da da Canada, nyet nyet Iran! Hoooooooo! Suck it, Ahmadinejerk!

Interestingly enough, this is the first time in recorded history that Canadians will be seen participating in a public display of rudeness that does not involve mouth guards and ice.

And in your honor, I've assembled some of The Daily Show's booziest moments, including a classic Ad Nauseum, Steve Carell's infamous binge drinking experiment and one very special goat apéritif. Bottoms up!

You, Your Health & You — Alcohol

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Ad Nauseum — Beer Commercials

Drink Responsibly

In Other News — Beer and Loathing

Unhappy Hour

Moment of Zen: Mayor Henry

Seriously! What's he doing at a Medieval ceremony celebrating ritualistic sacrifice like that? He doesn't need to pretend to believe in that kind of childish superstition.

It's not like he lives in America.

Would you mind too terribly if I explain? Shouldn't take but a moment…

“The cliché about Canadians being timid and diffident and too self-critical is wrong,” says Peter Donolo of The Strategic Counsel. “Canadians think they're the cat's meow. We have a healthy self-image – in fact, a puffed-up image.”

Egomaniacal, meowing Canadians? What next?

Even more surprising to some is an argument that the national food of Canada is now poutine, that fries, gravy and cheese concoction that should only be consumed by the heartless.

More Canadians, it turns out, have eaten this relatively recent invention than have been in a canoe or seen a moose – the traditional tests of being Canadian.

Hey, listen, Canada. Back off. We invented jingoistic indoor cholesterol-raising activities, and we don't need any Mountie-come-latelys stealing our thunder.

Heck, if we had any idea how to find your capitol, we'd probably invade just to keep you in your place. (Wherever that is.)

Oh, and — more to the point — he's pretty pissed off that Fox News' Red Eye said something stupid about the Canadian military taking a hiatus from fighting in Afghanistan. And after he, a Canadian, was on the show.

Can you imagine? Fox News said something stupid. About a country that's not the United States of Jesus. And Tom Green was unable — by going onto the network and being a citizen of that country — to stop them from saying something stupid.

Update: Here's the response to Canadian anger that Greg Gutfeld was forced to make…

"The March 17th episode of Red Eye included a segment discussing Canada’s plan for a ‘synchronized break,’ which was in no way an attempt to make light of troop efforts," host Greg Gutfeld said in a statement issued Monday. "However, I realize that my words may have been misunderstood. It was not my intent to disrespect the brave men, women and families of the Canadian military, and for that I apologize.

And here's the one he made all on his own…

My apologies to the Canadian military, they probably could at least beat the Belgians.

Classy guy, him.

(via Balloon Juice)

Remember how, on his way out of Ottawa, the president stopped at a market to buy the local delicacy known as the Beavertail — a wad of sugary deep-fried dough?

Seventeen-year-old Jessica Miller, an Ottawa high-school student and a big Obama fan, was tasked to deliver the treat to the president, who told her he'd be eating it once he got home to Washington later this evening.

This is Barack "Sixpack" Obama's M.O., taking delicious treats from supporters and claiming he'll eat them later. Hark back to the campaign trail…

At Schoop's Hamburgers, a diner in Portage, Ind., he munched a single french fry and ordered four hamburgers—to go. At the Copper Dome Restaurant, a pancake house in St. Paul, Minn., he ordered pancakes—to go. (An AP reporter wondered: who gets pancakes for the road?) …Reporters joked that if he ate a single bite of burger or pancake once the doors of his dark-tinted SUV closed, they'd eat their BlackBerrys.

At the risk of being charged with revealing state secrets, Canadians, there is no way Barack Obama ate his snack "once he got home." Your Beavertail met its end in a trash bin aboard Air Force One. Sorry.

ps. Don't worry, I'm sure he meant everything he said about keeping trade channels open. That is, unless you start frying your exports.

Meanwhile, Obama has to — in the course of an afternoon — reassure Prime Minister Stephen Harper that he was totes j/k about those "Buy American" provisions in the bailout, and the whole "screw NAFTA" thing, and anything else that's troubling Prime Minister Stephen Harper's bobbley little head.

For those of us who missed the last bus to Ottawa, Kady O'Malley (Canada's sassiest political blogger) is liveblogging the whole frigid circus right here, eh…

Alright, I’m outside The Perimeter – on the Lawn, in fact – awaiting the motorcade. I’m behind the first row or so of assembled masses, but some kindly staffers are strategically kicking snow into a makeshift platform.

Okay, so the crowd is — actually, about as random as you can imagine — old, young, black, white, male, female, you know the drill — lots of O-poster and banners and a sense of O-verall O-nticipation. Also: snipers!

O boy!

Sure, if you're high on the wacky dust…

Dallas Federal Reserve President Richard Fisher warned on Monday against "Buy America" provisions in a proposed fiscal stimulus law and said it could lead to devastating trade protectionism.

"Let me just be blunt. Protectionism is the crack cocaine of economics. It may provide a high. It's addictive and it leads to economic death," Fisher told C-Span television in an interview for its "Washington Journal" program.

Is Fisher being blunt, or is he smoking blunts? Well, for starters, the Canadians are already making vaguely threatening threats in re: this protectionism…

"These protectionist measures, in a time of recession, only make things worse," [Canadian] Trade Minister Stockwell Day told public broadcaster CBC, after returning from the World Economic Forum at the Swiss Alpine resort of Davos.

"It can only trigger retaliatory action and we don't want to go there," he said. "We do not want to see that happen."

Here is a tip for surviving the forthcoming Canadian hockey mob invasion: simply add the letter 'u' to words at random.

This foouls them every time.

This year a minor scandal ensued when Barack Obama asked to move in a few weeks early to accommodate his daughters' school schedule. "Uh, no," said the Bush administration, citing "guests" who were "booked" at the mansion in January. Awkward! So Obama and his family have been relegated to some cheap motel called the Hay-Adams, where they are living on Toblerone and seltzer from the mini-fridge.

Today the mystery Blair House guest was revealed: it's Australian Prime Minister John Howard. Call me Bob Woodwardette, but I smell a conspiracy.

Let's review what we know…

* This fall reports surfaced that Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper stole a speech about Iraq… from Australian Prime Minister John Howard.

* Then Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper went rogue and shut down his government.

* Now all of a sudden Australian Prime Minister John Howard is occupying the president-elect's residence.

* And on Monday a mysterious maple syrup odor blanketed New York City.

There you have it! This thing goes deep. Real deep. And remember, if the mainstream media outlets overlook this bombshell, it's because they've been infiltrated by the Canadians.

It's been known to happen. They're stealthy and they look just like us.

Here's what we know. In October's wacky House of Commons election, Prime Minister Stephen "Bobblehead" Harper's Conservatives won more seats than any other party — but not enough to secure a majority. Opposition disgruntlement ensued, and last week, Harper announced a bobbleheaded budget that set off a full-scale political crisis…

Harper introduced an economic plan that included no stimulus measures but called for a three-year ban on strikes by civil servants and the abolition of public financing for political parties. The Liberal party leader, Stéphane Dion, accusing Harper of seeking to politicise the economic crisis, formed a coalition with the leftwing New Democratic party. The two also secured support from the separatist Bloc Québécois to bring down the government.

Facing the risk of being, I don't know, extradited to Nunavut, Harper pulled out the big guns: yesterday he talked the Governor General, the Queen's representative in Canada, into letting him shut down Parliament until the end of January (!).

Plus! Just for good measure, the opposition coalition is now fighting with itself.

Good grief. And I thought the hockey games were vicious.