REP. KEVIN BRADY (R-TX): You suck. I hate you. Everybody hates you.

TIM GEITHNER: That's not true. Everybody hates the economic crisis, which is what I'm trying to fix.

REP. KEVIN BRADY: No. In the last nine months you, personally, have fired millions of people from their jobs. I think you need a hobby. One that does not involve singlehandedly destroying our economy. If you like numbers, perhaps you should try Sudoku.

TIM GEITHNER: Do you not even remember the past eight years?

REP. KEVIN BRADY: Maybe I'd have more time to remember things if I didn't have to spend all my time worrying about you destroying our economy.

TIM GEITHNER: Jesus fucking Christ.

REP. KEVIN BRADY: I demand that you resign, right now. Give me the keys to your office. And your tie.

TIM GEITHNER: Are you serious?

REP. DARRELL ISSA (R-CA): Kevin! You stole my line!

SEN. CHARLES SCHUMER (D-NY): Hey, can we talk about Chinese currency manipulation for a sec?

TIM GEITHNER: Yes, fine, I'll get on that, Chuck, but ISN'T IT INTERESTING that I can singlehandedly destroy the economy yet I have to ask all these other people before I can impose a few simple trade sanctions on China? Isn't that INTERESTING, Rep. Brady?

REP. KEVIN BRADY: I CAN'T HEAR YOU. I'M SHOUTING TOO LOUD.

The End! (Except, you know, not.)

This is kind of heartwarming. It looks like even the most xenophobic of American teabaggers have something in common with the average citizen of communist China…

The Chinese have learned English from his speeches and celebrated the way he rolls up his sleeves. Now President Barack Obama is finally coming, and he's being greeted with "Oba Mao" T-shirts and a statue of him that bursts into flames…

One Beijing shop owner wanted to see what Obama could do for sales. Liu Mingjie created "Oba Mao" T-shirts, with the president wearing the uniform of the Red Guards, who caused chaos during the Cultural Revolution in the 1960s…

He sold hundreds of the shirts, to both foreigners and Chinese, until authorities told shops selling the shirts to stop.

It's so sweet to see such disparate groups of people finding some common ground, huh?

But, let's for a minute get back to that burning statue of Obama? How'd they get away with that in such a totalitarian state? We can't even burn Nancy Pelosi over here.

Hey, look at this! I'm about to agree with House Minority Leader John Boehner…

Boehner chided Democratic colleagues for taking up a resolution honoring the ancient Chinese philosopher Confucius, suggesting it was "unacceptable" for the Congress to spend time on similar measures Tuesday while the economy continues to struggle.

"While Democrats get ready to celebrate the birth of an ancient Chinese philosopher, House Republicans will talk about our better solutions to create jobs and make health care more affordable and accessible for America's seniors," Boehner said in a statement.

On the one hand, it makes me really angry to see Congress busying itself useless nonsense. But, on the other, Confucius died nearly two and half milennia ago, and America's continued ignorance of his important work in fortune cookies was getting kind of ridiculous. (And just when are we going to get around to recognizing that Gilgamesh guy, huh?)

Why oh why oh why can't the Democrats be more like the Republicans, who don't waste everybody's time honoring dead Chinese philosophers. No, they would never do anything like that.

They prefer to waste everybody's time honoring disaffected ignorant racists…

Three Republican lawmakers on Monday introduced a resolution honoring participants in the Sept. 12 "tea party" protests in Washington D.C.

Oh, Congress. You so crazy (and incompetent)!

(via War Room)

As you may have heard, President Obama is refusing to meet with the Dalai Lama, in hopes that China will be impressed and want to be BFFs. Well, here's a tip for his holiness: Start a Buddhist Olympics. Before you know it, you won't be able to get rid of Obama.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Oh, the bitter-tinged disappointments of life. It is my sad duty to inform you, fellow Palinophiles, that we will not be honored with coverage of Sarahcuda's upcoming sure-to-be transcendent speech on whateverthefuck to the country of Asia…

Sarah Palin's speech to investors in China later this month will be closed to the media, organizers of the event confirmed to CNN Monday…

Palin, whose lack of foreign policy credentials was criticized by Democrats during the 2008 campaign, apparently was not among those speakers willing to grant members of the media access to her speech.

"For keynote presentations, it is the speaker's decision as to whether or not their sessions are closed. Several of our keynotes this year are not open to media," Wheeler said.

I guess if we want to hear this paragon of the American working-class folksiness speak, we'll just have to hurry up, put our back into it and become Chinese billionaires sometime in the next week or so.

Remember last week when we all found out that Sarah Palin was planning on traveling to the faraway kingdom of Asia to deliver a speech before all the mesmerized Asian subjects?

Well, what's the Asian word for "practical joke"?

CLSA, the Asia-focused broker who invited Mrs. Palin as keynote speaker
for an Asian investment conference, is well known for their cheeky takes on investment research.

In the past, they've polled Asian fortune tellers for index targets, hired anime cartoonists to draw Japanese research, and generally love to push the boundaries between entertainment and analysis. They are a real research firm, it's just that they love to sprinkle in some hilarity every now and then as a smart marketing gimmick.

Sarah Palin is this year's big laugh for them.

Wow. Just wow. It's so unlike her to fall prey to a thing like this.