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CIA

August 24 at 5:31PM

From the Pork Barrel: Verses

POSTED BY: Dennis DiClaudio

* New Jersey vs. The Gays.

*Jerry Falwell vs. George Washington.

* Barack Obama vs. Fox News.

* Jay-Z (featuring Drake) vs. Bill O'Reilly & Rush Limbaugh.

* Leon Panetta vs. Accountability.

July 23 at 1:26PM

What's the Real Reason That the CIA Is Assassinating All Our Kings of Pop?

POSTED BY: Dennis DiClaudio


Why is my tax money going toward government organizations shooting death rays from outer space at aging pop musicians? This is like the Carter administration all over again.

FSB sources are reporting to President Medvedev today that American pop icon Michael Jackson was "most assuredly" assassinated by the US Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) after an examination of data transmitted by a Russian Military's Kosmos 2450 satellite show "conclusively" that immediately prior to the music stars death in Los Angeles an electromagnetic pulse consistent in pattern to EMR weapons looted from the former Soviet Union by the United States was employed at the "exact coordinates" of the rock stars home.

Hmmm… That seems slightly implausible. But I'm going to give these unnamed Russian sources the benefit of the doubt, because I've never been burnt by unnamed Russian sources before.

Obviously, the CIA has, like, a million billion reasons to use top secret stolen Soviet satellite weapons technology to assassinate the guy who sang "Smooth Criminal." The only real problem is narrowing them down to one…

Read more »

July 13 at 9:00AM

Dick Cheney Still Being Secretive About His Top Secret Secrets

POSTED BY: Mary Phillips-Sandy

dick-cheney-waving
Over the weekend the New York Times dropped this bombshell: Seems former vice president Dick Cheney had, for eight years, told insiders at the CIA to hide a "secret counterterrorism program" from, let's see here… everybody on earth.

CIA chief Leon Panetta just found out about this thing a couple weeks ago, and he finally gave Congress the heads up, but even Leon Panetta won't/can't tell us what, precisely, Cheney's "secret counterterrorism program" entailed — though it was most likely part of an effort to kill Al Qaeda operatives. (Perhaps by draining their bodies of life-force before moving on to the next host?)

So, um, anybody want to comment?

Efforts to reach Mr. Cheney through relatives and associates were unsuccessful. [...] An intelligence agency spokesman, Paul Gimigliano, declined on Saturday to comment on the report of Mr. Cheney’s role. [...] Bill Harlow, a spokesman for George J. Tenet, who was the C.I.A. director when the unidentified program began, declined to comment on Saturday, noting that the program remained classified. [...] [Cheney's legal adviser David S.] Addington could not be reached for comment on Saturday.

If I didn't know better, I might say that Rep. Pete Hoekstra (R-MI) sounds a bit frustrated…

Mr. Hoekstra, the intelligence committee’s ranking Republican, said he would not judge the agency harshly in the case of the unidentified program, because it was not fully operational. But he said that in general, the agency had not been as forthcoming as the law required.

“We have to pull the information out of them to get what we need,” Mr. Hoekstra said.

Right! If only we had some sort of organized program for advanced interrogation techniques that are designed to extract critical information from high-level suspects.

Oh, but what are the odds of that.

June 26 at 10:55AM

So, The Daily Show Ruined White House Transparency for All of Us

POSTED BY: Dennis DiClaudio

Turns out that from now on, according to the current Department of Justice,  we can expect our vice presidents to refuse to conduct public interviews, because there's a chance that if (when) they say something stupid (really stupid) then they'll get made fun of on The Daily Show.
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Thanks a lot, Jon Stewart! This is why we can't keep nice ideals in this country.

May 22 at 12:34PM

Nancy Pelosi Says That She Will Not Say Anything About That Thing She Said About the CIA

POSTED BY: Dennis DiClaudio

Here's her statement about not making a statement about her statements…

"I have made the statement that I'm going to make on this," she told reporters at a Capitol Hill news conference. "I don't have anything more to say about it. I stand by my comment."

I wonder if she'd be willing to comment about not commenting about that comment she made regarding those comments that may or may not have been commented.

If I were her, I wouldn't. Because stuff like this just makes her seem sooooo trustworthy.

Saying anything else — like, anything of substance — would just ruin it.

May 21 at 1:10PM

Dick Cheney's Speech Addressing Our Patriotic Duty to Electrocute Testicles, as Many as We Can Get Our Hands On

POSTED BY: Dennis DiClaudio

Watching this speech made me realize just how effective Cheney's enhanced interrogation techniques probably actually are.

About twenty minutes in, I would have done anything to make it stop…

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Complete transcript after the jump…

Read more »

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