* Larry Craig's first piece of advice as your new consultant: Don't listen to anything Larry Craig tells you to do.

* Never accuse Meghan McCain of not having a sense of humor! Never!! (She really hates it when people confuse her with her mom.)

* In Lou Dobbs's dreams, Rachel Maddow is his very own tea-bagging queen.

* The Lobbyists! There's just too many of them! Game over, man! Game over!

* Jesus Christ! Why is Joe Biden talking the godamned Lord's name in vain, for Christ's sake?

* And the winner for The Year's Most Idiotic Piece of Political Punditry goes to…

Here is a document of her ongoing struggle to understand this thing that humans call "humor"…

It is an odd thing. These human bodies convulse in fits of laughter even though they are not witnessing the death throes of a supernova imploding into its own mass.

Very curious, these semi-intelligent hominids and their customs.

Update: Wonkette's response.

Meghan McCain doesn't want you to like her for her powerful father or remarkably-human-seeming mother.

She wants you to like her for her generic good looks and mediocre personality…

"I fear the election has destroyed my ability and desire to date," McCain, 24, wrote in a lighthearted blog essay Monday on the Daily Beast. "Nothing kills my libido quite like discussing politics."

She loses interest "when I find my father's face staring back at me on a potential date's Facebook page," she explained. "I don't want to see my father's picture near any picture of a guy I am attracted to, especially if we haven't even had dinner yet."

The election inevitably comes up in dating conversation, she wrote. If a guy starts talking about Obama, her mind wanders. Her father's fans are just as annoying because "I don't want to date someone who idealizes my dad."

So, let's look at the potential suitors…

She is turned off by people who voted for President Obama. She also gets the willies from obsessive supporters of her dad.

I guess that leaves people who disliked her dad but were either too racist or blindly-partisan to vote for the black liberal.

Unfortunately, I think Sean Hannity's already married.

From The CC Insider…

First there were the ubiquitous comparisons of Sarah Palin to Tina Fey, and now, the day after Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal's response to President Obama's address, all anyone can talk about is how much he sounded and acted like Kenneth from 30 Rock.

So, I got to wondering which other Republicans have 30 Rock counterparts. Here are the results of my scientific study.

Tracy Jordan and Rush Limbaugh
Similarities: Always on drugs, bad for the black community

Continue reading…

* Barack Obama never did make it to this inaugural ball. Despite the higher level of intelligence than you'd find at most political functions.

* Somehow, I don't think he'll be making an appearance at this one either. Despite the higher class of people than you'd find at most political functions.

* Barack Obama to be sworn in alongside 500 body doubles… Just in case.

* The Palin family don't take kindly to white trash, ya know?

* Cindy McCain fields tough questions in her hardest interview to date.

* It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday. Again.

As though life wasn't hard enough for John McCain these days — what with having to read about his former political rival sitting down with the world's foremost economic experts, while he eats cupcakes with talking heads from I Love the 80s — now he has to deal with this piece of trash recently purported by the trashy, but uncomfortably reliable (as of late), National Enquirer…

The ENQUIRER's exclusive bombshell expose as Sen. John McCain's wife, Cindy, is caught with another man! Not only that but multiple witnesses have caught the pair lip locking on several other occasions.

"I couldn't believe I was watching Cindy McCain passionately kissing and hugging another man!" That's the stunned reaction of an eyewitness who says he watched in shock — and snapped photos — as the former presidential candidate's wife romantically kissed a long-haired man who resembles "a washed-up '80s rock musician."

I took a long look at the photo provided, and I have to say that it definitely resembles a woman of some sort who has hair on top of her head kissing something that looks like a man. (It's either that or some sort of sea creature briefly rising above the surface of a dark lake.)

I double-checked the facts: Cindy McCain is a woman, and she does have hair. Whether or not she knows how to kiss is still open to debate.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think that the National Enquirer has rested its case.