That's Cindy McCain — mother of Meghan McCain, wife of sitting Republican Sen. John McCain, female scion of Sghalthor Seven of the 4th Imperial District of Galaxia Pilt — and she's coming out in favor of marriage equality.

Sure, Meghan would support this, but her husband? Is it even possible that he's maybe also in favor of marriage equality? Can we even begin to entertain that possibility? (And don't even get me started on her parental gene-giving entity. That guy!)

Mitt Romney, meanwhile, is being courted by a gay rights group to get him to pull some strings with Grand Elders of the Mormon Church (or whatever they're called) to stop their quiet-but-moneyed opposition to gay marriage. (Spoiler Alert: There's approximately a zero point zero percent chance that he'll go for it.)

Can you imagine if Republicans actually picked up the cause — after the Democrats dropped like a used tissue — and actually did something with it? Wouldn't that be amazing?

Also, it would be amazing if I had a unicorn with machine gun turrets and George Peppard's voice.

Anyway… What were we talking about?

* Larry Craig's first piece of advice as your new consultant: Don't listen to anything Larry Craig tells you to do.

* Never accuse Meghan McCain of not having a sense of humor! Never!! (She really hates it when people confuse her with her mom.)

* In Lou Dobbs's dreams, Rachel Maddow is his very own tea-bagging queen.

* The Lobbyists! There's just too many of them! Game over, man! Game over!

* Jesus Christ! Why is Joe Biden talking the godamned Lord's name in vain, for Christ's sake?

* And the winner for The Year's Most Idiotic Piece of Political Punditry goes to…

It is an odd thing. These human bodies convulse in fits of laughter even though they are not witnessing the death throes of a supernova imploding into its own mass.

Very curious, these semi-intelligent hominids and their customs.

Update: Wonkette's response.

She wants you to like her for her generic good looks and mediocre personality…

"I fear the election has destroyed my ability and desire to date," McCain, 24, wrote in a lighthearted blog essay Monday on the Daily Beast. "Nothing kills my libido quite like discussing politics."

She loses interest "when I find my father's face staring back at me on a potential date's Facebook page," she explained. "I don't want to see my father's picture near any picture of a guy I am attracted to, especially if we haven't even had dinner yet."

The election inevitably comes up in dating conversation, she wrote. If a guy starts talking about Obama, her mind wanders. Her father's fans are just as annoying because "I don't want to date someone who idealizes my dad."

So, let's look at the potential suitors…

She is turned off by people who voted for President Obama. She also gets the willies from obsessive supporters of her dad.

I guess that leaves people who disliked her dad but were either too racist or blindly-partisan to vote for the black liberal.

Unfortunately, I think Sean Hannity's already married.

First there were the ubiquitous comparisons of Sarah Palin to Tina Fey, and now, the day after Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal's response to President Obama's address, all anyone can talk about is how much he sounded and acted like Kenneth from 30 Rock.

So, I got to wondering which other Republicans have 30 Rock counterparts. Here are the results of my scientific study.

Tracy Jordan and Rush Limbaugh
Similarities: Always on drugs, bad for the black community

Continue reading…

* Barack Obama never did make it to this inaugural ball. Despite the higher level of intelligence than you'd find at most political functions.

* Somehow, I don't think he'll be making an appearance at this one either. Despite the higher class of people than you'd find at most political functions.

* Barack Obama to be sworn in alongside 500 body doubles… Just in case.

* The Palin family don't take kindly to white trash, ya know?

* Cindy McCain fields tough questions in her hardest interview to date.

* It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday. Again.

The ENQUIRER's exclusive bombshell expose as Sen. John McCain's wife, Cindy, is caught with another man! Not only that but multiple witnesses have caught the pair lip locking on several other occasions.

"I couldn't believe I was watching Cindy McCain passionately kissing and hugging another man!" That's the stunned reaction of an eyewitness who says he watched in shock — and snapped photos — as the former presidential candidate's wife romantically kissed a long-haired man who resembles "a washed-up '80s rock musician."

I took a long look at the photo provided, and I have to say that it definitely resembles a woman of some sort who has hair on top of her head kissing something that looks like a man. (It's either that or some sort of sea creature briefly rising above the surface of a dark lake.)

I double-checked the facts: Cindy McCain is a woman, and she does have hair. Whether or not she knows how to kiss is still open to debate.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think that the National Enquirer has rested its case.

It was nice that Tina Fey was willing to be on stage for a solid five minutes with McCain after not even looking Sarah Palin in the eye two weeks ago.

I think I'm going to invest in McCain Fine Gold until the economy gets back on track, myself.

After the fold, John McCain explains that his new campaign strategy for the last three days will be the "Double Maverick," which sounds like something this guy made up.

It turns out that prince was named David Plouffe, Obama campaign manager.

Plouffe, still sitting on an enormous pile of cash, has decided that rather than dispose of it the traditional way (swing state ads, charitable donations, incineration) is going to use it to buy airtime in Arizona…

Barack Obama's presidential campaign is taking the unprecedented step of launching its first advertising in rival John McCain’s home state of Arizona.

Obama campaign manager David Plouffe announced the advertising buy this morning, saying the campaign also would re-launch advertising in Georgia, where it hasn’t advertised in several months, and start advertising in North Dakota…

"It's enough in the realm of the possible that we want to put a little extra effort at the end,” he said. “We want to give it a go in the last few days. We wanted to see how far we can go."

The polls have already shown that McCain is no homecoming king within the state. The reasons are complex but include…

* He carpetbagged from Virginia on speculation that a House seat was opening up.

* His entire political career was made possible by his wife's beer money.

* He's been irritating his neighbors with robocalls.

* Barry Goldwater couldn't stand him.

Still, spending ad dollars in the man's home state is quite a gamble by Plouffe. Not as risky as giving a Nigerian internet prince your bank account information, but probably more hubristic.

Just ask the old David Plouffe — the one who sent all those e-mails asking us for money.

The president-elect-elect is apparently speculating about that topic, too. Yesterday, he began revealing the makeup of his cabinet, on the off-chance that for some reason he managed to win the presidency.

U.S. presidential candidate Barack Obama said on Wednesday he would include Republicans in his Cabinet if he wins the election. Obama, a Democratic senator from Illinois, also said he had "some pretty good ideas" about people he might tap for senior government jobs, though he emphasized he is focused for now on the final days of the campaign and takes nothing for granted.

Obama said he "absolutely" considered it important to have Republicans in the Cabinet but he sidestepped a question on whether he would ask Defense Secretary Robert Gates to remain in his job. There has been speculation that either Obama or his Republican rival, John McCain, might ask Gates to stay on. "I'm not going to get into details," Obama said, but he added that national security policy, in particular, should be nonpartisan.

Well, it's about time that an African-American got to pick someone else as a token! And it's nice to see that Obama will continue in the proud tradition of symbolic opposite-party cabinet members (just ask long-suffering token Democrat Norm Mineta).

Obama will have plenty of quality Republicans to pick from for his cabinet, starting with Cindy McCain, who's a shoo-in for Secretary of Veterans Affairs.

It seems that the Democratic nominee has worn out his soles — twice — over the course of the campaign. (And that's despite removing his shoes to enter a secret mosque five times every day.)

Realistically, of course, Palin treating Obama to a pair of shoes is about as likely as Fox News giving Cindy Sheehan a talk show. But someone has gotta help Barack out with that footwear.

Simply put, there's no way that Britney, Paris and the girls would allow one of their own to appear so shabbily on this weekend's party circuit.

(photo via Daily Kos)

But if you're a Maverick-American's wife, there's an easy solution: You ask the cell phone company to build a tower in your yard.

Dialing Cindy McCain!

At her request, Verizon Wireless set up a tower near the McCains' Sedona ranch, and then AT&T — sensing an opportunity to grow its business in the GOP presidential candidate sector — did the same. So, about that…

Ethics lawyers said Cindy McCain's dealings with the wireless companies stand out because her husband is a senior member of the Senate commerce committee, which oversees the Federal Communications Commission and the telecommunications industry. He has been a leading advocate for industry-backed legislation, fighting regulations and taxes on telecommunication services.

Before you go jumping to any conflict-of-interest conclusions, remember that John McCain has also hired a number of Verizon and AT&T lobbyists to work on his campaign. That's just what anti-lobbyist politicians do with lobbyists.

Hang on, we have some telecom experts on the line…

Three telecommunications specialists consulted by The Post said the [tower] site covers so few users that it is unlikely to generate enough traffic to justify the investment.

Robb Alarcon, an industry specialist who helps plan tower placement, said the proposed location appeared to be a "strategic build," free-of-charge coverage to high-priority customers. A former Verizon executive vice president, who asked not to be named because he worked for the company, agreed with Alarcon, saying, "It was a VIP kind of thing."

Well, either that or they wanted to offer a McCain a token of thanks for inventing the Blackberry.

To prove the beer baron's point, consider some of the accusations that Obama, his surrogates, or totally unrelated people have forced her husband John to address:

* He lacks the personal qualities to be president.

* He's tied to corrupt mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

* He is affiliated with an unstable pastor.

* We should be alarmed about the crimes an associate of his committed several decades ago.

* He voted against funding the troops.

* He fathered a black baby.

Barack Obama should be ashamed of himself. If he wants to be president, he should at least agree to campaign on dignified accusations, such as the ones that McCain and his surrogates have levied against him…

* He lacks the personal qualities to be president.

* He's tied to corrupt mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

* He is affiliated with an unstable pastor.

* We should be alarmed about the crimes an associate of his committed several decades ago.

* He voted against funding the troops.

* He fathered a black baby.

You might expect this to bring some criticism from his opponent in the race for the White House. And sure enough, Barack Obama has been hammering McCain's plan lately, calling it "radical" and "out of touch."

But you may be surprised to learn that the plan has also gotten a chilly reception from traditionally Republican business groups like the U.S. Chamber of Commerce and the Business Roundtable. That's a bad sign.

And strike three comes from Republican Senator Norm Coleman, a McCain ally who is up for reelection this year. Coleman has publicly refused to endorse McCain's plan. That one hits home.

Stay tuned for more defections from the right, including possibly Cindy McCain — who is frequently unaware of her husband's policy positions — and anti-tax activist Grover Norquist — who prefers a health plan that involves drowning the feeble and weak in bathtubs.

It was 28 years ago that Captain John Sidney McCain left his wife of 15 years — Carol McCain (nee Shepp), a former model who had some years before been disfigured in a car-accident — to marry a richly beautiful, and beautifully rich, beer heiress named Cindy Lou Hensley, whom he'd met in a bar in Hawaii a year earlier.

The two have gone on to become the stuff of family values fairy tales.

Today, Newsweek keeps the fun coming by counting the candidates' cars: Barack and Michelle Obama have one. John and Cindy McCain, well, you'll need two hands to count theirs…

McCain's personal ride, a 2004 Cadillac CTS, is no gas sipper, but it should make Detroit happy because it's made by General Motors. "I've bought American literally all my life and I'm proud," McCain said in the interview with Detroit's WXYZ-TV. But the rest of his fleet is not all-American.

There's a 2005 Volkswagen convertible in the garage along with a 2001 Honda sedan. Otherwise, there's a 2007 half-ton Ford pickup truck, which might come in handy on the Sedona ranch; a vintage 1960 Willys Jeep; a 2008 Jeep Wrangler; a 2000 Lincoln; and a 2001 GMC SUV. The McCains also own three 2000 NEV Gem electric vehicles, which are bubble-shaped cars popular in retirement communities.

The McCains have more than ten cars between them? Wow, that's a lot.

John McCain's going to be pumped when he finds out!

Don't know quite what to make of it yet, but it appears that a former employee and family friend of the John and Cindy McCain is coming clean about alleged misuse of McCain's senatorial office to cover up Cindy's penchant for taking prescription pills that didn't belong to her…

You've probably heard about Cindy McCain stealing prescription drugs from her charity in the 1990s. Today, Tom Gosinski, her former employee and a close friend of the McCain's, came out on the record about the entire sordid episode. And it appears that McCain used his Senate staff and resources to cover up Cindy's drug use, and potentially to prevent the Drug Enforcement Agency from investigating his wife's theft of illegal prescription drugs.

John McCain certainly used his political connections to begin a campaign of intimidation against Gosinski, because at the time — this was after the Keating 5 scandal — another major scandal would have derailed his career.

Oh, this is just so sexist!

When will the left-wing smear-meisters stop attacking John McCain just because he's a woman?

11:27 – From Devilstower: "John McCain's Theme for the Evening: I will reach across the aisle and work in a bipartisan manner with anyone who will help me enact every single item on the radical conservative wish list."

11:20 – Andrea Mitchell said these are the biggest balloons she's ever seen in her life.

From the comments: "Didn't know Andrea Mitchell had a balloon fetish." – Oddity

11:17 – Well, one thing's for certain.  John McCain put country first.

11:12 – From Andrew Sullivan: "And then a final sudden, almost surprising rally of energy. He seemed to me to have more energy and passion in the last two minutes than the rest of the speech combined."

That's because Andrew Sullivan is wrong.

11:08 – "zzzzzzzzzzzzz….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…oh wait, its over?" – Zach.

That's because Zach is right.

11:07 – Keith Olbermann agrees with Michael. That's because he's also wrong.

11:06 – "Barracuda?" Either Sarah Palin just walked on stage, or Joe Lieberman is playing Guitar Hero III on that giant screen. – Eric March

11:06 – Look, it's John McCain and his two beauty queens.

11:05 – Michael thinks the end was genuinely stirring. That's because he's wrong. This "Raisin' McCain" song is the best part of the speech.

11:04 – Manufactured excitement there at the end. There must be an applause sign.

11:02 – But I don't want to teach George Bush to read.

11:01 - "The Mavrick"? Guess we found that illiterate adult. – Eric March

11:01 – "I will fight for her as long as I draw breath, so help me God." Unless a younger, hotter country comes along.

11:00 – From the comments: "New sign outside of Oval Office: You must be this bloodied from torture to enter this ride." – Punditphoelia

10:56 – I think "POW" is the new "9/11."

10:53 – So, he's attacking Obama for never having been a POW? Serves Obama right!

10:51 – You hate war? Then why is that the only thing this convention ever talks about? Well, besides drilling.

10:50 – "We can't turn a blind eye on aggression." Unless it's ours! And then, we should never relent.

10:49 – Did Georgia's lobbyist add that part to the speech?

10:47 – This is not inspiring me to donate to the DNC. That can't be a good sign for McCain.

10:45 – Faster, baby! Drill, Drill!

10:44 – From the comments: "'We believe in communities.' But we can't f($&ing stand anyone who organizes them!" – Derrick Clement

10:42 – My opponent's three-cent tintanium tax doesn't go too far enough.

10:39 – Boooo!!! Wait, what was that? Oh, yeah… Boooo!!!

10:38 – We believe in women making almost as much money as men for equal work.

10:36 – We believe in off-shore drilling.

10:35 – From the comments: "Last night was like a drunken, one-night stand. The day after you wake up with this and wonder what the Hell were you thinking." – Biff

10:34 – I've seen Sarah Palin's speech. And this, sir, is no Sarah Palin's speech.

10:33 – Bill and Sue Neeby! Yay!!!

10:31 – He's really marrying himself to Iraq, isn't he?

10:30 – Now he's in front of a blue screen!

10:29 – More distancing himself from the Republican brand. Pay no attention to that elephant in the room behind the curtain!

10:28 – Change is coming? Is he co-opting Obama's slogan?

10:27 – This isn't a particularly riveting speech so far, is it?

10:25 – Wow. The only interesting things in this speech so far are the Code Pink protesters and Sarah Palin.

10:24 – What the fuck is wrong with security that they can't keep a bunch of women dressed all in pink out of the stadium?

10:23 – Code Pink! Code Pink! Code Pink! Code Pink! Code Pink!

10:21 – Wow. He respects Barack Obama. And Sarah Plain respects Hillary Clinton.

But who respects John Edwards? Must be David Vitter.

10:20 – That's right. Show his mother. Tell everybody she's "96 years young" so that 72 seems young by comparison.

10:18 – Why didn't they just cut out the middle man and put him in front of a rampaging dinosaur or an Iraqi mosque?

10:16 – It's not even a green screen!  It's a lawn.  This was very very poorly thought through.

10:15 – OMG he's in front of a green screen again!  Didn't they learn their lesson?

10:14 – The "John McCain" chanters are competing with the "U.S.A." chanters.  Don't they know it's "Country First?"

10:13 – Geez, and I thought Obama looked like a rock star.

10:12 – The audience didn't know it was time to applaud, and to be fair, the VO guy did sound like he was about to say something else.

10:11 – Even his mom knows the talking point.  Country first.  Country first.  Country first.

10:11 – This is actually quite touching.

10:08 – I bet we're about to hear the words "footsoldier in the Reagan army."

10:05 – At his core he's a mama's boy?  This is a plus now?

10:04 – The McCain biopic has started. Is this the theme music to Dallas?

9:56 – Cindy McCain finished ahead of schedule.  Now they're going to have put on some filler act to entertain the audience.  I'm hoping it's Karl Rove, that guy get jiggy with it.

9:54 – Cindy sounds very rehearsed, like she's just reading lines.  I have trouble even believing her when she said "I have loved him with all my heart for almost 30 years."

9:51 – Which is more beautiful?  Cindy McCain or the vista behind her?

9:49 – I've heard the adoption story before and it's very touching, but in this rendition, Cindy made it sound as though she'd kidnapped them.

9:42 - Cindy McCain: "I hit a home run with John McCain." And I'm not the first. – MK

9:40 – Just said that America is the most generous country in history. That makes me really proud. Especially when I don't think very closely to the actual meanings of the words.

9:33 – Jesus! We actually made it out of that peace protest jumblefuck. But only by dressing up as a cop and an arachist and pretending to beat each other up. Extra special thanks to Matt for liveblogging the O'Reillybamarama thing.

But the other night Cindy McCain poked a little hole in her down-home cred by taking the RNC stage in an outfit that cost $300,000, give or take, according to the fashion experts at Vanity Fair.

I'm sure Cindy meant to wear the $45 Isaac Mizrahi for Target dress, but maybe her maid packed the wrong suitcase or grabbed the wrong bag. These things happen. Still, it was a foolish mistake that will only cast doubt on the McCains' grip of economic reality.

For example, why didn't Cindy McCain realize she could buy an eighth house with all that money?