So, you've got less than $20 in your budget, but really really need to get a former President of the United States to give a motivational speech to every single person that you work with. You're probably screwed, right? Because that's how things usually work in real life, right? Right?

Actually, maybe not. I have a feeling something can be arranged…

I know. I know! Those 1,900 pennies are only going to get you George W. Bush standing in front of all your co-workers? Really? Is that the best offer we can come up with?

Not in America, it's not!

Besides [Terry] Bradshaw ("legendary NFL Hall of Fame quarterback), [Zig] Ziglar ("America's #1 motivator") and [Rudy] Giuliani ("America's mayor"), Bush will appear at the Fort Worth event with Colin Powell ("legendary soldier-statesman"), Robert Schuller ("America's best inspirational speaker"), Rick Belluzzo ("legendary president of Microsoft") and Tamara Lowe ("top sales expert and author of Get Motivated!").

Nia Vardalos ("star of My Big Fat Greek Wedding and My Life in Ruins") apparently had conflicts that day. Maybe next year.

80. The Doom Bunker

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In an article entitled "Level of White Support for Obama a Surprise", the New York Times' John Harwood expressed shock yesterday that Barack Obama was receiving some support from white voters. Apparently, their recent polling indicates that certain white Americans have hinted that they may consider voting for Obama, even though he is an admitted African-American.

Meanwhile, the Los Angeles Times went even further in an article printed this morning claiming that some white voters even like the fact that Obama is a member of a racial minority, and have been inspired to vote for him because of it!

These mainstream newspapers shouldn't be so surprised. After all, we've known for weeks that literally dozens of white people all across the country have announced that they will vote for Obama, including…

* Joe Biden
* Howard Dean
* Rosie O'Donnell
* Colin Powell
* Bill Ayers
* Obama's grandmother
* Karl Marx

The rest of the newspaper's investigations were much less surprising. In keeping with the status quo, their polls found that absolutely no senior citizens, veterans, or real Americans planned to vote for Obama.

So, remember how, a few days ago, Encyclopedia Rush cracked the case of the mysterious Colin Powell endorsement of Barack Obama? (I don't want to spoil it for you, but it's because he's black.)

"Secretary Powell says his endorsement is not about race… OK, fine. I am now researching his past endorsements to see if I can find all the inexperienced, very liberal, white candidates he has endorsed. I'll let you know what I come up with."

Well, Jimmy Crackcorn (I don't think that's his real name), over at Daily Kos, decided to pitch in and help Rush Limbaugh root out all the other identifying conservatives who are voting for Barack Obama over John McCain… because he's black. The list includes such notable blackophiles as Christopher Buckley, Susan Eisenhower, Christopher Hitchens and Michael Smerconish.

And here's some file footage of a bunch of other conservative African American activists who are voting for Barack Obama…

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We all know John McCain has a fantastic sense of humor.

We also know that Colin Powell just endorsed Barack Obama, the American economy is in the tank (not the same tank as the media, a bigger one) and the McCain-Palin ticket is tanking in the polls (there are three separate tanks).

As McCain explained to CNN's Wolf Blitzer last night, LOL!

BLITZER: But on the economic issues, [Powell's] criticism was that you were going back and forth on some of the specific issues, and he didn't like that. He thought that Sen. Obama had a consistency in his approach.

MCCAIN: Well, all I can do is laugh.

Hahaha!

Wait'll McCain hears the one about how his running mate has the highest negative rating of any VP candidate ever. It's hilarious.

The punch line is "$150,000."

In typical fashion, Colin Powell makes his decision based on race and endorses Barack Obama.

Will this endorsement help Obama?