Indecision Forever » Congress

Jon Stewart Is Not Thankful for the Congressional Recess

Matt Tobey — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:08:12 +0000

Congress is taking a break for Thanksgiving, and as Jon Stewart pointed out on last night's Daily Show, it's bad news for everyone. After all, without Congress in session, who will warn us that the terrorists are going to kill us all, who will offer detailed plans for killing us all to the terrorists, and, perhaps most importantly, who will make the founders perpetually spin in their graves? That's where they get electricity for heaven, you know?

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Guess Which Urban Community Organizing Group Is Responsible for Doug Hoffman's Failed Campaign?

Dennis DiClaudio — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 22:49:04 +0000

Earlier today, Mary pointed out how 52% Republican voters attribute Barack Obama's unfair election victory last year to the sinister powers of ACORN. (That's even higher than the percentage who attribute it to liberal chupacabras, reverse-unicorns and the creeping existence dark matter combined. Wow!)

Now, in another heroic roundhouse kick against acceptance of reality, unsuccessful conservative congressional candidate (NY-23) Doug Hoffman has yet another nefarious deed of ACORN's. They stole his election…

As evidence surfaces, we find out that reported results from election night were far from accurate. ACORN and the unions did their best to try and sway the results to Obamacare supporter Bill Owens.

Rest assured, they will not succeed, and I am therefore revoking my statement of concession…

Recent developments leave me to wonder who is scheming behind closed doors, twisting arms and stealing elections from the voters of NY-23.

I'm sure you are as dismayed as I am to learn of the mischief that took place in Oswego and neighboring counties. We know this would not be the first time for the ACORN faithful to tamper with democracy.

Fucking ACORN. If they're not hiding my house keys, traveling back in time to help out in the bombing of Pearl Harbor, or co-writing Old Dogs, they're stealing elections in suburban fiercely-conservative Republican stronghold districts.

Does their evil brilliance know no end?

Should Carrie Prejean Run as a Republican for Congress? Sure, Why Not?

Dennis DiClaudio — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 20:00:14 +0000

Here's how stars are made in today's Republican Party…

TMZ spoke with Congressman Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) who tells us he thinks Prejean could be a serious contender in the political arena:

"[Carrie] has the ability to draw crowds and if she has a strong message to go with that, who knows what she can do? She has star power which can open doors."

That's some high regard you hold your job in Rep. Chaffetz.

In all seriousness, though, could she possibly be any worse than Michele Bachmann?

It Is Better to Have Teabagged and Lost, Than Never to Have Teabagged at All

Dennis DiClaudio — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 18:08:33 +0000

Last week, I reported that teabagging candidate Doug Hoffman still had a chance of winning the NY-23 congressional seat away from Democrat Whatever His Name Is and thus averting the tragedy of surrendering that seat to a Democrat for the first time since it was legal in the country to own human beings.

Well, he's still got a chance, but it's not looking quite as chancerific as it was last week. Say la vee. (La vee.)

This leads us to wonder if Republicans — despite growing dissatisfaction with congressional Democrats — the the GOP could still be getting ready to Scozzafava away all of its moderate (reasonable) candidates for 2010 and still end up losing ground.

According to this poll from CNN, that seems to be a possibility…

The poll indicates that a slight majority, 51 percent, of Republicans would prefer to see the GOP in their area nominate candidates who agree with them on all the major the issues even if they have a poor chance of beating the Democratic candidate. Forty-three percent of Republicans say they would rather have candidates with whom they don't agree on all the important issues but who can beat the Democrats.

Democrats polled seemed to place a slightly higher priority on electoral victory: 58 percent say that they would like their party to nominate candidates who can beat Republicans, even if they don't agree with those candidates on all the issues. Fewer than 4 in 10 Democrats say they would rather see their party nominate candidates who agree with them on all major issues, but have a poor chance of beating the Republican candidate.

Translation: Republicans are obstinate and unrealistic, while Democrats are cowardly and accepting of mediocrity.

So, this poll gives us no new information.

Colbert Better Knows California's 12th District

Matt Tobey — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:16:21 +0000

Anyone who knows anything about politics knows the true measure of a legislator isn't his or her voting record, it's how well he or she can gleam the cube (ask your parents). So last night, after grilling California Congresswoman Jackie Speier about her district's plans to cure gayness, Stephen Colbert took to the halls of Congress armed with his board and a hunger for shredding.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Can't These Teabaggers Burn Their Nancy Pelosi Effigy in Peace?

Mary Phillips-Sandy — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 17:29:50 +0000

What is it about the simple act of constructing an effigy in the likeness of another human being and then burning said effigy in a huge bonfire that gets people so upset?

What, exactly?

The chairman of the Danville TEA Party Patriots said Sunday he was unsure about whether the group will continue with its planned effigy burning of Rep. Tom Perriello, D-5th District, and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi at a bonfire rally Saturday in Blairs. [...]

"We've been getting a lot of flack about this," [TPP Chairman Nigel] Coleman said, "about burning those two in effigy and a lot of people in the public are unhappy about it. The story has gotten so large, it's kinda strange."

It is strange! So, so, strange. Why all the attention? Why all the controversy?

Coleman sent a news release to local media Friday about the event, which opened with: "In a move sure to spark controversy, the Danville TEA Party will close their 'Fired Up for Freedom' rally by burning Rep. Tom Perriello and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi in effigy in response to the passage of landmark health care legislation in the U.S. House of Representatives."

Yeah, that doesn't explain the fuss, either.

I guess we'll never know why some people have such crazy, overblown reactions to the world around them.

(Via TPM.)

Teabag Candidate Doug Hoffman Just Might Be Soaking in Victory

Dennis DiClaudio — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 17:29:51 +0000

Remember how last week, liberal asshats — like this jagoff over here — were being all hahaha about the only teeny tiny little bit of good news that came out of Election Night?

Well, the Teabagger who hahahas last, hahahas the most depressingly for America…

Although [Conservative Doug] Hoffman was reportedly down by 5,335 votes when he conceded the election last Tuesday night, a recanvassing of the county’s 11 districts has Hoffman trailing [Democrat Bill] Owens by just 3,026 votes — 63,672 to 66,698. The largest voting error was found in what was supposed to be Hoffman’s stronghold, Oswego County. Election night reports there showed the Conservative Party candidate holding onto a slim lead of 500 votes; the revised results have Hoffman's margin at 1,748.

The results of the recanvassing mean that the election will be decided by a count of absentee ballots. More than 11,000 were reportedly distributed.

If he does end up winning, you won't need to read about it in the papers or online? You'll hear it. It'll be the sound of a hundred thousand Teabaggers screaming out in simultaneous orgasmic ecstacy.

Believe It or Not, But People Are Not Super Happy with Congressional Democrats for Some Reason

Dennis DiClaudio — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 21:35:43 +0000

A new poll is out, and I suppose that means something important I think.

Things are happening!

Turns out the Republicans have a four percentage point advantage — quite a different result from when Democrats were leading by six points back in July. The margin of error is plus or minus four percentage points, however, so Democrats might be rightfully tempted to dismiss that result.

What they can't ignore, though, is what Gallup found about the GOP's lead among independents. Among that segment of the population, Republicans lead on the generic ballot by a fairly stunning 22 points, up from just one point in July.

What?! 22 points?! Really? Wow! America is speaking! And it really, really prefers loud obstructionist politics to flaccid defeatist politics. By a lot!

Well, I guess if you've got to choose one…

Colbert: Barney Frank Is Not a Great Outdoorsman

Matt Tobey — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 19:50:22 +0000

So, according to Barney Frank, "outdoorsman" is the latest euphemism for "pot smoker." And that's cool, but check it out, bro; what does that word even mean? Outdoorsman? Like, does it mean a man who lives outside a door? Does that mean there are men living inside doors? Bro, listen, what if there's a man living inside my door, and I don't even know it. Maybe he doesn't even know about us, the outdoorsmen. Think about it.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Laura Ingraham Did Not Call Nancy Pelosi a Cheap Whore

Mary Phillips-Sandy — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 18:49:49 +0000

What, can't a right-wing talk show host mention the Speaker of the House and the phrase "sell her own body" in the same sentence? Is there a "hooker references panel" now too?

Come on. Everybody settle down. Let's look at what Laura Ingraham really said this morning…

Speaking on FOX, Ingraham announced that the speaker did everything but "sell her own body" to win the 220-to-215 vote.

"I mean Nancy Pelosi did everything but sell her own body to get this bill passed… She did everything, everything was on the table. So she had to swallow the bitter bill of the Stupak amendment otherwise this thing wouldn't have passed."

Look, there it is in black and white. Laura Ingraham said Nancy Pelosi did everything but sell her own body to pass the health care bill. That means Laura Ingraham knows Nancy Pelosi did not offer $10 blowjobs in the back of the cloakroom in order to win Blue Dog votes. She absolutely did not do that!

Who would suggest such a terrible thing, anyway?

Boy, some people have filthy minds.