Crack-smoking former D.C. mayor Marion Barry made a valiant attempt over the weekend to cash in on the media's hunger for batshit insane politicians' antics by getting himself arrested for stalking…

District of Columbia Councilman Marion Barry found himself mired in more political, legal and personal drama Sunday after his arrest late Saturday on charges that he was stalking a female companion.

Barry's latest run-in with the law centers on his relationship with political consultant Donna Watts-Brighthaupt, who alleges that he continues to approach her even though they split up a few months ago…

Barry, 73, was charged with one count of "misdemeanor stalking," said Sgt. David Schlosser, a Park Police spokesman.

Misdemeanor stalking? Nice try, Mr. Barry. Normally, that'd be worth me putting at least a little bit of thought into this post and making a cursory attempt to come up with a decent joke.

But, sadly, you were batting way out of your league this weekend. As it stands, I'm not even putting the effort in to search for an actual picture of you.

Keep at it, though. You'll hit gold eventually. I'm sure of it.

For Bernie Madoff,  a century and a half of jail time won't be all rainbows, lollipops and whatever else is never associated with prison life…

Sentenced to 150 years, Madoff will probably be sent to a medium- or high-security prison, probably in the northeastern U.S, according to lawyers and prison consultants. Even worse for Madoff, fellow inmates serving life sentences may want "to make a name for themselves" by harming the ex-money manager, a former inmate said. The Federal Bureau of Prisons, which will decide where he’s jailed, may isolate Madoff to protect him from other prisoners.

"If they see an opportunity to take that man out and be in the paper and make a name for themselves, what do they have to lose," Steve Vincent, a former police officer jailed for theft who now runs Federal Prison Consultant Services in Louisville, Kentucky, said in an interview.

Yeah, I can imagine how much prison cred you'd get for shivving a 71-year-old Jewish nerd. Off the charts cred! Man, you'd be the King of Jail.

"Don't you go messin' with Cobra over there."

"Why not? He don't look so tough."

"He beat up somebody's frail, panicked, simpering grandfather in the shower last week."

"Never mind. I'm going back to my cell. Thanks for the heads up."

You know who I feel really bad for? The guys who try to make their name by hitting Madoff and fail.

Evangelical leader James Dobson — despite promises to go away — is back again, despairing loudly and melodramatically all over his nice, clean, freshly-pressed flock of radio parishioners, because of this "utter evil that's coming out of the United States Congress"…

I want to tell you up front that we're not going to ask you to do anything, to make a phone call or to write a letter or anything.

There is nothing you can do at this time about what is taking place because there is simply no limit to what the left can do at this time. Anything they want, they get and so we can't stop them.

Wow! When you hear this kind of hyperbole coming out of an understated guy like Dobson, you just know it's gotta be a big deal.

So, what is this blasphemous, anti-Christian, demonically-inspired legislature that the liberal congresspeople have been busy excreting into the federal law books?

The Federal Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act of 2009…

The Democratic-led U.S. House of Representatives Wednesday approved an expansion of federal "hate crime" laws — an effort that former Republican President George W. Bush had opposed.

On a vote of 249-175, the House passed and sent to the Senate a bill backed by the new Democratic White House to broaden such laws by classifying as "hate crimes" those attacks based on a victim's sexual orientation, gender identity or mental or physical disability.

What Dobson is justifiably concerned about is the very real possibility that Christians may lose their divinely-mandated right to persecute homosexuals as they best see fit.

Not since the days when Christians were regularly fed to hungry lions to entertain a crowd of bloodthirsty pagans have we seen such dark days for the Lord's children.

Oh my god, have you noticed something weird? Like, really creepy weird?

We've gone about 48 hours and Rush Limbaugh hasn't said anything remarkably idiotic and overstated to the point of unintentional satire. This just feels wrong. So, very wrong.

Oh, wait, what's this?

Caller: So [liberals] can go somewhere else! Like, I don't understand, why do they have to stay here? Like, leave us alone!

Limbaugh: At this point, at this point Gretchen, I don't care about the why. They're not going to leave. They're trying to control it. At this point, the only thing is they must be stopped!

Caller: I agree…

Limbaugh: Within the confines of our Constitution, and the political arena of ideas, they must be stopped. I don't care why they see this country the way they see it. I don't care why a murderer does it. I don't care why a rapist does it. I don't care why this Muslim guy offed his wife's head. The NOW gang is out there saying 'oh, that's not domestic violence, that's just, uh, that's just…' what do they call it? 'Culturally honor killing. Or this woman was going to divorce him, that's against the law. That's his diversity.' I don't care, I don't care why anymore. If I figure it out, I'll be glad to tell you because it's interesting to know, but it doesn't matter in terms of defeating them.

Oh, I feel so much better now.

Thank you for that, Rush.