In the clouds below, the relative size of a word indicates the relative frequency each candidate spoke that word. Click on the images for a larger version.

Barack Obama

John McCain

UPDATE: The link to the larger McCain version should be fixed.

10:39 – Alright, kids. It's a madhouse in here, and I've been jammed in a corner away from the bathroom for hours. So, I gotta go do that and smoke and get idiotically drunk.

But please do keep up the conversation in the comments.

10:37 – Oh, and apparently we solved that whole POW/MIA issue. Someone should tell the bikers down the street from me.

10:36 – John McCain was in prison???!!! That's news to me!

10:33 – That's adorable. John McCain loves the vets and will take care of them. I wish I had a president who'd do that for me.

I'm so lonely.

10:29 – From the comments: "'We can't drill our way out of the problem' – That's not what she said." – (Rebekah)

10:28 – Wait, Obama hassss it too. Maybe it'ssss our sssssound ssssysssstem.

10:27 – McCain gets a little bit of a whistle in his S's when he talks about 9/11, doesn't he?

10:25 – Barack Obama is in favor of nuclear waste. Good for him.

10:24 – John McCain can say "nuclear." I think that makes him a snob.

10:22 – McCain's not wearing a flag pin. Why does he hate America? – Scout Finch

10:19 – By the way, Katie is also liveblogging this here. But make sure to tip your bartender.

10:17 – Stealing from Scout again. So, McCain's really fond of saying how he's known Kissinger for 135 years. We understand. You've been in Washington a loooooong time.

10:15 – Oh my! Here comes McCain's temper. Under your desks everyone.

10:13 – The average South Korean is three-inches tall?

10:12 – Oh no he didn't! Obama brought up Spain, girlfriend.

And then McCain pulls out the seal comment.

It's on!

10:09 – McCain is coming up with a rider of things he'll need in trailer if he's gonna meet with Iran. What do you think he'll be adding? Green M&Ms? A poster of Tina Fey?

(Credit where credit is due. I stole that from Scout.)

10:08 – McCain can't say Achmadentdslkjdkdijad's name? What's up with that?

10:07 – McCain is bold. He just came out strongly against a second holocaust. Good for him! – MK

10:03 – Iran is an existential threat to Israel. Just like Sartre.

10:01 – This whole debate has come down to who was given a more valuable piece of jewelry? And I'm hearing a lot of talk about bracelets, but neither man seems to actually be WEARING a bracelet. – MK

9:58 – "I'm such a Maverick, I voted AGAINST Reagan!" – MK

9:57 – McCain said "Ronald Reagan"! At the 57-minute mark. Someone just won a bunch of money.

9:55 – McCain promises he'll never publicly say he'd invade Pakistan. Well, unless it was through song.

9:54 – So, Barack Obama can't say we'll invade Pakistan, but Sarah Palin can? I'm sorry, but that's just sexist.

9:52 - I can't decide if they both have become better debaters since the primaries, or if they look better because I'm comparing them to each other and they are both crappy. – Michael Kraskin

9:48 – So, I'm sitting next to Katie Halper, Scout Finch and a Sarah Palin-esque-looking New York Times reporter.

Damn it! It's times like this when I wish I was attractive or charming. Or funny.

9:45 – My opinion may be greatly skewed by the crowd noises here, but from what I'm hearing (and kinda seeing) it sounds like Obama is playingcalm and McCain is playing continual catch-up.

9:44 – The crowd likes the "You like to pretend that the war started in 2007" line. Just sayin'.

9:41 – Michael Kraskin brings up and excellent point. One of the rules of this debate is that the audience is not allowed to cheer or boo or applaud or make facial expressions.

Sitting here in this room — where the audience explodes every time Obama utters an utterence — I can't even imagine what that's like.

9:40 – McCain really is obsessed with owning an Iraq Forever themepark, isn't he?

9:38 – Is John McCain really allowed to call himself a "maverick"? Isn't that like me calling myself "handsome"? That's not really my judgment call to make.

9:37 - Barack Obama said "orgy"! It's been legitimized finally!

We're all gonna get laid.

9:34 – It's interesting that Lehrer is treating this more as an open dialogue, not really directing questions to either one in particular

9:32 – Obama said "McCain calls me wildly liberal, that just means I'm opposing George Bush." Excellent line.

9:29 – I'm having a million tons of fun here, but I'm gonna have to go back and re-watchg this thing. Please tell me what my opinions should be in the comments.

9:24 – Sorry. Just got on a better internet signal. I'm back.

BTW, I love the word "festooned." Good for you, McCain.

9:15 – How many times is John McCain gonna use that "paternal issue" bear joke? What is he a stand-up comedian touring the late night talk shows?

9:12 – The crowd keeps laughing uproariously every time Jim Lehrer says anything. Oh, by the way, if I stand up and crane my neck just the right way, I can kind of see Barack Obama's ear.

9:11 – "Greed is rewarded." What is he, Gordon Gecko?

9:07 – Aw! John McCain's not feeling to well about some things these days. I wonder what those things are. The polls? His running mate? His skin?

9:06 – Ted Kennedy's in the hospital?

9:05 – I may have to watch this thing online. Crazy.

9:03 – Holy God! It's insanely crowded here at Drinking Liberally. At this point, I can't even see the TV.

And the crowd is intense! It's like being at an Eagles game. But slightly less violent.

If you're in New York — or the New York area or have access to one of John McCain's flying carpets — and you're looking for a nice quiet place to watch tonight's debate (assuming isn't called away on urgent inter-dimensional business at the last minute), then you definitely don't want to show up to Drinking Liberally's Presidential Debate Watch at The Tank in lower Manhattan (87 Lafayette St. between Walker and White).

That's where I'm gonna be liveblogging from, and I liveblog very loudly. And sometimes shirtless. And you don't wanna see that.

However, if you choose not to heed my warnings and want to come by anyway, make sure you get there by 8 pm, when a couple of excellent stand-up comedians will be warming up the crowd before the really funny stuff happens in the debate. They are…

Katie Halper
Elon James White
Harry Terjanian
Joe Quint

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take off my shirt and catch an N Train.

—

Seems a little silly to be liveblogging a debate that we all already know John McCain is going to have won so handily.

But, you know, it's kind of our job. And McCain did go through all the trouble make-believe suspending his campaign and fixing all of America's money woes. So, I guess we probably should.

So, check back here tonight at 9 pm to watch the John McCain cream Barack Obama in The Great Debate That Almost Didn't Happen with us.

Because, really, we can't be any more stupid about the whole thing than Wolf Blitzer. Right?

Oh, and we'll be updating this post throughout the day with any relevant debate-related bullshit.

My exclusive imaginary sources tell me that after single-handedly fixing the American economy, John McCain was on his way to Mississippi to debate Barack Obama when he noticed the McCain Symbol flashed in the clouds above Washington DC.

Apparently, somebody's cat had gotten itself stuck up in a tree in Lincoln, Nebraska. Poor little guy.

So, obviously, McCain has to put his plans aside to come to li'l Rusty's aid.

Country first, you know?

Update: The debate is back on again.

John McCain's Straight Talk Invisible Jet touched down in Lincoln moments ago, after which time the Arizona senator made one single three-mile leap to where the scared little kitten was shivering in an oak tree and snatched it from a branch before making a perfect 10.0 landing.

He then proceded to reach inside a 93-year-old neighbor's chest and massage his fluttering heart until it began beating as steadily and strongly it had when the man was 13 years old.

Next stop, Mississippi!

Senator McCain has spent the morning talking to members of the Administration, members of the Senate, and members of the House. He is optimistic that there has been significant progress toward a bipartisan agreement now that there is a framework for all parties to be represented in negotiations, including Representative Blunt as a designated negotiator for House Republicans.

The McCain campaign is resuming all activities and the Senator will travel to the debate this afternoon. Following the debate, he will return to Washington to ensure that all voices and interests are represented in the final agreement, especially those of taxpayers and homeowners.

Thank God we got that taken care of, huh? And all due to John McCain's superhuman powers of sitting in a room with a bunch of bickering assholes.

And not only that, but get a load of this.

After awesomely healing the nation's money woes with his awesomeness, he flew up into the sky and circled the Earth really fast a whole bunch of times until he literally sped up the planet's orbit — thereby making time go forward somehow — so that he could debate Barack Obama already.

And wouldn't you know it, but he won the debate that's scheduled for later on tonight…

"McCain Wins Debate!" declares the ad which features a headshot of a smiling McCain with an American flag background. Another ad spotted by our eagle-eyed observer featured a quote from McCain campaign manager Rick Davis declaring: "McCain won the debate — hands down."

Don't believe it? Just check out this ad his campaign already made in the future…

See that? You don't smile victoriously in front of a Photoshopped flag like that unless you know you're the shit.

Tonight's debate isn't merely about your campaign, or the economy — or even America for that matter. It's about Mississippi vanquishing a century and a half of embarrassment in a mere 90 minutes…

Mississippi has been chasing away ghosts for years, trying to rid itself of a past that keeps haunting the present. But the ghosts just won't leave Mississippi alone…

Its history: Emmett Till, Medgar Evers, Schwerner, Goodman and Chaney, the longevity of the Ku Klux Klan, the Confederate battle cross, which two-thirds of the state's voters chose to keep as part of the state flag…

Poverty, teen pregnancy, obesity, infant mortality, illiteracy: Mississippi is among the nation's leaders.

And that's the way people will continue thinking of the place unless either McCain or Barack Obama bungles a foreign leader's name so badly that we all forget that this was the state that used to lynch 14 year-old black boys for whistling at white women.

University of Mississippi Chancellor Robert Khayat hopes hosting the debate will…

"…lift our own self-perception. You know how Mississippi is kicked around. Every time some list comes out that nobody wants to be on, we're up at the top."

In this case, it's a list of entities stood up by John McCain, with Mississippi beating out the Ames Straw Poll, the Senate Immigration Bill vote, and his first wife, Carol.

But, what – exactly – did he "suspend"? His surrogates are all over television, attacking Obama. His campaign ads are still running and his Internet fundraising is still operational. McCain's press crew is fully operational. He spent the day with Rick Davis, his lobbyist campaign manager. And all of his campaign offices are still open and fully operational.

And now comes word via Jonathan Martin at The Politico that McCain will spend the evening doing interviews on ABC, NBC, and CBS.

Well, Scout — or "Ms. Finch," as I like to say when I'm feeling miffy — there's a perfectly good reason why John McCain is still campaigning so heartily even while his campaign is in suspension. Perfectly good.

Unfortunately, his campaign is in suspension, so he can't answer that question.

But, I will say this: John McCain's campaign may be suspended right now, but it wasn't all that long ago that something else of his was suspended: His freedom.

Were you aware that he was once a POW in a North Vietnamese prison camp? Or that he's a maverick? Or that he can bench press 200 pounds… with one arm? Or that his running mate puts lipstick on her pit bull? Or that America was attacked by 9/11?

Think about that next time you ask a completely justified question about an unjustifiable practice of his campaign.

In a statement, Barr suggested…

"Given Senator McCain's political stunt to avoid the debate, I ask that Friday's debate moves forward without him, as I am more than willing to step in to participate."

Green Party candidate Cynthia McKinney also expressed her willingness to swipe McCain's chair…

"I'm ready to go up against Barack Obama or any other candidate and present my ideas to the American people."

She promised that she will maintain decorum and has totally learned her lesson from punching that cop a few years ago.

Obama's campaign hasn't yet responded from their various offers but he probably hasn't had this much contact with people who will never be president since his last trip to Kenya.

Barack Obama is committed to hosting a public, televised event Friday night in Mississippi even if John McCain does not show up, an official close to the Obama campaign tells the Huffington Post.

In McCain's absence, the Senator is willing to make the scheduled debate a townhall meeting, a one-on-one interview with NewsHour's Jim Lehrer, or the combination of the two, the official said.

I guess it's good to know the event will occur in some way, shape or form, but it's also kind of a bummer.

I was thinking that it would be more fun to dress a Magic 8-Ball up in a suit and flag pin and have Obama debate the proxy McCain.

I mean, isn't that where McCain's getting most of his council from these days anyway?

And they'll be damned if McCain's going to cancel on them…

A senior University of Mississippi official reacted Wednesday to the news that Sen. John McCain R-Ariz., wants to postpone Friday's presidential debate, saying that such a move would be "devastating" for the university which has already invested millions in preparation for the debate.

Andrew Mullins, special assistant to university Chancellor Robert Khayat, told ABC News that the Ole Miss campus has been transformed to accommodate the candidates and the press. Road blocks are in place on campus and in the community and the debate television set for the candidates has already been constructed. He said the university has spent roughly five and half million dollars getting ready for the debate.

Time to put Mississippi back into the "Swing State" column?

Will John McCain help the economic meltdown by returning to Washington, or is he just avoiding the debates?