Sen. TOM CARPER, D-Del.: We do — we need to find out what you're drinking. And…

(CROSSTALK)

ORSZAG: I will — I hope this isn't product placement, but this is Diet Coke. Apparently there's a big controversy that has broken out between Diet Pepsi and Diet Coke and what members of the administration drink what, but that's Diet Coke.

CARPER: Do you go back and forth or are you just a straight Diet Coke…

ORSZAG: No, I'm a Diet Coke guy.

ORSZAG: OK.

CARPER: All right. All right. I'm glad we got that on the record.

Diet Coke tastes like ass. No, I take that back. It tastes like diet ass.

And we're trusting the nation's budget to a guy who vouches for the taste of diet ass while under oath in congressional hearings.

No wonder the economy's going to shit.

To mark the beginning of the Inaugural festivities, yesterday Obama rode a train from Philadelphia to Washington, DC, a journey that called to mind his vice-president elect, who hopped aboard in Delaware…

"Folks, this is more than an ordinary train ride — this is a new beginning," Vice President-elect Joe Biden told 8,000 fans in Wilmington, Del., at the train stop where he boards the Amtrak for work every day.

Biden even confessed that some days when he is running late he calls ahead and the conductor pretends that there is "some mechanical difficulty that would last a minute or two" until Biden gets there.

And that is why Obama/Biden won Delaware, people wanted a "change" in terms of Joe Biden making them late for work all the time.

The train slowed through some small towns so the Obamas could step out on the balcony and the President-elect could blow the train's whistle.

"You're never too old to toot the horn. You pull it and, 'CHOO CHOO!'" Obama told some of the guests traveling with him.

This, of course, is precisely the sort of thing we have spent the past eight years mocking George W. Bush for saying, but it just sounds different coming from a guy with great graphic designers, you know?

Anyway, the Obama/Biden train ticket rolled in to the Capitol yesterday evening, and today there will be many exciting Inaugural events, a few of which will be mentioned here, so please stick around. Dennis and Wayne will be joining the fun just as soon as they regain consciousness.

Apparently, somebody managed to successfully explain to Biden that there's a new guy coming in, and he'll only have to not be an elected official for a little while…

Ted Kaufman, a Delaware Democrat who for decades has been a political adviser to Sen. Joe Biden, D-Del., was sworn in Friday to fill the Senate seat Biden relinquished to become vice president…

Delaware Gov. Ruth Ann Minner, who appointed Kaufman to fill Biden's vacated Senate seat, joined Biden in watching the swearing-in from the visitors' gallery. Biden, who will become vice president next Tuesday, formally resigned Thursday after 36 years in the Senate.

Our thoughts and prayers are with former Senator Biden during these trying four days of non-public service.

What's that? You think Joe Biden already knows the Beltway party circuit, thanks to his decades in the Senate?

Au contraire (that's French for "malarkey"): Joe Biden never did any hobnobbing with Washington's upper class, because he was just a train hobo with a colorful Cockney accent…

[Ted] Kaufman, who has been a close Biden friend since the 1970s, said Mr. Biden was damaged politically by his absence on the social scene.

"He did not participate in it," Mr. Kaufman said. "To be honest, it was a real hindrance, because when he ran for president in '87, people didn't know him. You could probably count on two hands the number of embassy functions he went to."

Ho ho! For heaven's sakes, you can't expect an urchin from the muddy streets of Delaware to feel comfortable at an embassy function — And rumor has it Joe Biden once ate Ossetra caviar with the Sevruga spoon, right in front of everybody.

He's so deliciously low, so horribly dirty!

If Barack Obama wins the presidency, Joe Biden becomes vice president . . . and Delaware did its part by hugely voting for the Democrats at the top of the ticket. If Biden resigns his seat, Gov. Ruth Ann Minner gets to appoint his successor. And who knows who that could be??

Oh yeah, Biden's son.

Of course he'll soon be serving in Iraq, which establishes an interesting standard to follow.  Specifically, does this mean that if Sarah Palin is elected vice president, they'll call Track back to govern Alaska?

By the way, Brit Hume just called their setup "the strategery room." Aw…

"Jillie [this is what Joe Biden calls his wife], my guys left. The 103 left. I missed Jimmie," Biden said referring to the train conductor. "I've been coming in here every single day for the last 35 years, and these guys have become my family."

Of course, family loyalty only goes so far with this scrappy blue-collar attack dog Senate legend Catholic person. Moments after uttering his stirring ode to Amtrak, Joe Biden hypocritically boarded an airplane to Denver!

That's not a straight talk express I can believe in.

Obama's making an appearance with his running mate in Springfield, Illinois on Saturday. That much we know. So, um, Joe Biden, where are you going to be on Saturday?

Biden replied, "Here" and pointed down to his driveway [which is located in Delaware].

As he pulled out of the driveway in the driver's seat of his car he then said to the press gathered near his gate, "You guys have better things to do. I'm not the guy."

That certainly sounds like an upfront admission of Biden's non-veepiness, but a) he could be lying, or b) Obama's Springfield advance teams are a cover-up for a major event taking place in Joe Biden's driveway. Assuming c), he's telling the truth… oh my god! Is Obama going to pick Hillary after all? Or another high-ranking woman, like Gov. Kathleen Sebelius of Kansas?

No, because Barack Obama's disdain for women prevents him from keeping his New England colleges straight…

[Obama] used the word "he" to describe his choice rather than the phrase "he or she," which would appear to exclude potential female running mates such as Sen. Hillary Clinton of New York and Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius.

A senior Obama strategist, Robert Gibbs, said that reporters shouldn't "read anything into" Obama use of the masculine pronoun.

An earlier comment from Obama, though, also made it seem unlikely that he'd pick Clinton. He told a woman in the town hall audience that he gets Wellesley College, a women's college outside Boston where Clinton was the student commencement speaker in 1969, confused with co-ed Wesleyan University in Connecticut.

Good goddess! Why does Obama have such scorn for poor Hillary Clinton that he can't remember where she gave her commencement speech?

For that matter, why can't he remember the commencement speech he gave at Wesleyan three months ago?

All these hints add up to one logical answer: Evan Bayh really will be Obama's running mate.

Or, you know, not.

Which of the following inane pop cultural references to states featured in tonight's primaries is most endearing to you?

Feel free to add some more we might have missed in the comments. We're tired and that intern never showed up with the meth.

OBAMA: Alabama, Arizona, Connecticut, Delaware, Illinois, Massachusetts, Missouri and New Jersey

CLINTON: Arkansas, California, New York, Oklahoma and Tennessee

He's also got a badass trailer for There Will Be Blood as the banner ad.