Say what you will about Dick Cheney (He's a fascist! He scared away all the unicorns! He has Hitler's mustache where his heart should be!), but you have to hand it to him for sticking with the name Dick. He knows it's perhaps the most common euphemism for a penis, and he knows there are several other names one called Richard could hang on himself, but he just stands tall (well, not tall, but you know what I mean) and owns it. That kind of courage reminds me a lot of my Aunt Twat.

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Taken separately, John Kerry and Dick Cheney can be difficult to handle. But as a combo, they're sort of a balanced political yin and yang. Kerry bores you into a brain-dead slumber, but just before you fall completely into a coma, Cheney says something infuriating that jolts you awake and gets your blood boiling, but just before you have a stroke, along comes Kerry… The resulting inner-harmony is similar to the technology behind Segways.

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* Show your support for a true American hero in 2012! (Or else!) [via Tosh.0]

* Wanna be Barack Obama's Chicago neighbor? (But, be warned, the price is literally unimaginable.)

* GOP aims to overthrow White House czars in glorious House revolution (hopefully by October).

* Now you can watch the president call Kanye West a jackass! God bless us, everyone!

When you think of a safe and nurturing set of arms lovingly outstretched for foreign-born young adults, it's pretty much impossible to escape the one most obvious correlation:

Former Vice President Dick Cheney…

A decision by the University of Wyoming to name a new center for international students for former Vice President Dick Cheney is drawing criticism from people who say Cheney's support for the Iraq war and harsh interrogation techniques should disqualify him from the distinction…

The center is funded in part with $3.2 million the Cheneys donated to the university in several installments while he was vice president…

"We feel that by naming it the Cheney International Center, that the programs and UW can't avoid being identified with that ideology and that approach to global politics that the Bush-Cheney administration championed," Pelican said Tuesday.

Awesome! The new Cheney Center for International Students should really fill out the quad nicely, right alongside the university's excellent Lohan Center for Feminist Studies and the Vick Center for Veterinary Medicine.

At any rate, it's gotta be more popular than the old Cheney Center for International Students (his basement).

Are you wearing your laughing pants? Because, if not, you'd better go change into them or else you're gonna get laugh juice all over your stoic pants…

Wall Street Journal columnist James Taranto opined on Monday that — if the 2012 election were to turn to national security — "it's hard to think* of a better candidate… than Richard B. Cheney."

Hahahahahahahaha! Ha ha ha! Hahahaha! Ha!

But while his headline — "Cheney for President" — provoked guffaws in some quarters, several of the party's most well-regarded strategists and pollsters are actually taking the idea deadly seriously.

Hoooooo! Hahahahahahahaha! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Haaaaaaa!!!

"The Republican Party needs to move forward and build on its past, not return to it," Alex Castellanos, a frequent CNN analyst and GOP messaging guru, told the Huffington Post via email. "But if the agenda turns to security, Obama is mired in a no-win mess in Afghanistan, and the Obama administration hasn't created a single job in four years after indebting the nation for generations, maybe Dick Cheney could run on a theme of 'Change'."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwww!

Shit. I just got sad juice all over my laughing pants.

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_{* I'll bet the phrase "hard to think" comes up often in James Taranto's conversations.}

Dick Cheney was back in the news this past weekend, making his case for why electrocuting suspected terrorists in the balls is as American as apple pie, baseball and thumb screws.

If you're not completely clear on the absolute obvious obviousness of his argument, take a trip down memory hole lane and relive the laughs and the tears with Jon and Stephen…

February 5, 2009: Why Are You Such a Dick?

More after the jump.

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