Lost in the frenzy of news coming out of Alaska — namely that Ted Stevens lost and Sarah Palin is getting a better agent than Joe the Plumber– was the confirmation that the state's lone Congressman, Don Young (R), will be back for a 19th term…

The winner of the race for Alaska's sole House seat wasn't really in doubt after Election Day, when longtime incumbent Rep. Don Young led Democratic challenger Ethan Berkowitz by more than 16,000 votes.

It still took Berkowitz until Tuesday afternoon, with the counting of nearly all the outstanding ballots, to concede defeat to Republican Young…

Pollsters had counted Young out but they were wrong.

Wonder why those pollsters were so down on Don Young?

Could it have anything to do with the fact that…

* He's raised/spent over $1 million in legal fees amid charges that he's tied up with the same oil company that Ted Stevens has been feloniously porking.

* He used his jurisdiction as Alaska Congressman to steer $10 million to a fundraiser's construction project in Florida.

* If he were any more tied to Jack Abramoff, he'd own an Indian casino.

* Even the Club for Growth campaigned against him.

* He swung a walrus penis bone at the former U.S. Fish and Wildlife director.

* His wife is a tyrannical, computer-hating, pumpkin seed-devouring bitch.

The list goes on, but I should probably let the FBI conclude their investigation against Young before commenting any further.

Needless to say, if the G-Men decide to proceed with an arrest, they won't have a hard time finding Young.

Whether they come searching tomorrow, next year or in 2022, he'll be in his Capitol Hill office — right where the people of Alaska want him.

2/3 of your congressional delegation is going to prison. And you re-elected them.

This plus Palin really makes me want to come visit and meet the fuck out of every single one of you guys. In fact, I've got your new tourism slogan all worked out:

Alaska: What in the Hell Goes On Up There?

Is that Ted Stevens International Airport I hear buzzing?

You'd think that being tied to convicted felon lobbyists would be political suicide in today's climate.  And you'd certainly think that being a convicted felon yourself would be even worse.  But in Alaska, there may be one sin that trumps both of those…

Being a Democrat.

What we're getting at is that somehow GOP Rep. Don Young (he of the Jack Abramoff affiliations) and Sen. Ted Stevens (he of the seven felony convictions) continue to lead in election returns as we approach 5 a.m. in the East.

What's wrong with Democrats, Alaska?  Was the last one you sent to Washington such a disaster that you're now morally opposed to ever doing it again?  Honestly, how bad could it have been under that last Democrat, who was… let's see here…

Mike Gravel???

Alright, maybe you have a point there, Alaska.

Well, we now know that Barack Obama really isn't a secret Muslim. No adherent of the Koran could vote for a bailout package that contained more pork than a Hormel rendering plant.

Yet, that's exactly what Obama — and John McCain, along with leadership in both Houses of Congress — did last week.

Of course, Obama wasn't the one who loaded up the bill with earmarks. That task fell to statesmen such as…

* Rep. Peter DeFazio (D-OR), who seeks a tax break for arrow manufacturers in his home district.

* Rep. Don Young (R-AK), who as House porker-in-chief, seeks a tax break for the perpetrators in the Exxon Valdez oil spill.

* An anonymous sponsor, who seeks tax write-offs for the owners of NASCAR racetracks.

Thankfully, these provisions and many others made it in to the bill, which is why our financial institutions survived the weekend and why we aren't all speaking Mandarin, Russian or Arabic right now.

Time to celebrate with some ribs and bacon.

Any prude who insists that phone sex has no place in representative government has obviously never tried calling Charlie Summers, a Republican running for Congress in Maine…

Callers looking for a Maine congressional candidate's campaign office are instead directed to a phone sex line, thanks to a phone book mistake.

The latest Talking Phonebook for the Portland area lists a toll-free number for Republican 1st District candidate Charlie Summers' campaign office in Saco.

But when people call the number, they are greeted by a woman's voice inviting them to call another toll-free number, which turns out to be a phone sex line.

Summers claims this was a giant misunderstanding, but he'll change his tune when he gets to Congress and learns that whoring over the phone is basically his job.

Just ask Rep. Don Young (R-AK), who published an "intern survival guide" that was little more than a list of lobbyists who have full phone access to Young. They call in, pony up some cash, and Young porks them in return.

Sound like fun, Charlie Summers? I give him a month in Congress before he starts longing for the days of plain, old-fashioned phone sex.

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has only been on the national scene for 5 days, but it’s already clear that she's a Maverick with a capital M. We've learned that she launched an ethics probe against the state GOP chairman and backed her Lieutenant Governor in his race against notoriously corrupt Rep. Don Young. Clearly we’re dealing with an independent mind.

So then what the hell was this Maverick doing when she served as director of a 527 group for indicted Senator Ted Stevens?

And while we're at it, why did her website feature a video of Stevens endorsing her up through last week?

Could it be because she’d been hitting up Stevens and his Senate Appropriations Committee for $27 million worth of federal pork projects for her hometown of Wasilla, population 8.471?  Or because she’s now asking Stevens for another $197.8 million in federal earmarks in next year's federal budget?

Or maybe it’s just that, as a fellow Alaska Republican, it’s Palin’s duty to stand tall with Stevens as he awaits trial. But historical precedent suggests otherwise…

You didn't see ex-Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco defending fellow Democrat William Jefferson when the latter was found to be hoarding $90,000 worth of bribe money in a freezer. And unless we missed it, Idaho Governor C.L. "Butch" Otter certainly hasn’t been performing restroom blowjobs to show solidarity with Sen. Larry Craig.

But I guess ignoring precedents is what made Palin a Maverick to being with.