Do you not care at all about where the Olympics are being held eight years from now? Well, join the not caring club.

Except, don't join that club! Because it turns out that the fact that the Olympics aren't going to be held in Chicago means that Barack Obama has lost his re-election bid in 2012 and also that the world has decided to impeach him from the world…

Give up, everybody else on the Internet. You will never beat Matt Drudge.

Developing…

With everybody else busy talking about the perceived entitlement of one Democratic president's daughter in hoping for Hillary Clinton's open senate seat, Matt Drudge is wondering about another one…

It's kind of hard to figure out if Drudge is actually asking why Chelsea Clinton isn't being seriously considered to replace her mother as a senator from New York, or if he's just being a prick and trying to highlight how little public office experience Caroline Kennedy actually has.

Either way, he doesn't seem to be deterred by the fact that Clinton is only 28 years old and therefore two years too young to be a senator, as evidenced by this non-informational parenthetical he includes below the question…

[3 Senators that were constitutionally disqualified due to age WERE admitted to the Senate]

Thanks for the civics lesson, Professor Drudge. We're sure to ace our final with that priceless bit of trivia.

According to Drudge just now:

EXIT POLLS CLAIM 'OBAMA +15' IN PA... DEVELOPING...

Given the accuracy of exit polls in 2004 and the general trustworthiness of The Drudge Report, I think it's safe to assume David Hasselhoff will win Pennsylvania by a margin of eleventy-hundred pingpong balls.

Drudge Report and Fox News have understandably been all over that incident in Philadelphia in which black people were spotted allegedly being black at a polling place.

Now, Talking Points Memo is jumping in on the action, confirming the earlier reports that the black people were indeed being black…

[An Obama supporter] confirms that there were in fact two black panthers guarding the polling place, a nursing home on Fairmont Avenue in north Philadelphia, earlier this morning.

Aha!

But she says one was an officially designated poll watcher (it was not immediately clear which municipal office had designated him in that role), and the second was his friend. The second panther, who left two or three hours ago, was the one with the nightstick, she says.

I don't know about you, but all my friends carry nightsticks. Don't yours?

Dischell says that earlier this morning a few men who identified themselves as being from the McCain campaign came and started taking pictures of the two panthers on their cell phones. She suggested that they seemed to be baiting the panthers, and that the designated watcher may have given one of them the finger in response to the picture taking.

Wow! I have not heard this crazy aspect of this monumental isolated supposedly-meaningful event! The finger?! That's fucking disrespectful!

We might need to call this a mis-election and go all the way back to the beginning and start all over again.

DRAMA, EXCITEMENT, VICTORY!

That's the headline on the Drudge Report right now. One exclamation point. No question marks. Zero flashing sirens.

Matt Drudge's soul has been crushed by ennui.