So, according to Barney Frank, "outdoorsman" is the latest euphemism for "pot smoker." And that's cool, but check it out, bro; what does that word even mean? Outdoorsman? Like, does it mean a man who lives outside a door? Does that mean there are men living inside doors? Bro, listen, what if there's a man living inside my door, and I don't even know it. Maybe he doesn't even know about us, the outdoorsmen. Think about it.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

This just in: David Cross did a line of cocaine off of Barack Obama's penis at the White House Correspondents Dinner.

Or something.

I don't know. I stopped reading after I'd kinda gotten the gist.

Good news, hippies! President Obama will not be arresting medical marijuana users who comply with state laws. That's right, the potheads are soon going to be roaming the streets, treating their cancer and glaucoma willy-nilly in some sort of warped Fear-and-Loathing-in-Las-Vegas-esque perversion of America where the sick are dealt with humanely and with reason. With that in mind, here are some of the best War on Drugs-themed clips from The Daily Show. Watch them with some of your kindest buds.

Narcs and Recreation

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

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* Sasha Obama discovers George W.'s old hiding spot.

* The angrytownhall Twitter feed exposes the government's socialized fire extinguishing scheme.

* "Just because you are alive doesn't mean you deserve to stay alive." – Well, now that you've put it that way…

* The economic down turn hits the fundamental base of our business community.

* Free torture trading cards? I don't know. That sounds kind of socialisty.

I guess I missed this the first time around, but apparently Bill O'Reilly did a whole segment back in December about how evil and disgusting Amsterdam is because of its liberal policies toward drugs and prostitution and personal liberties and not being unctuously hypocritical faux-prudes…

"Amsterdam is a cesspool of corruption. Everything is out of control, it's anarchy", a sidekick of Fox News conservative anchor Bill O'Reilly said during a broadcast in December 2008.

The O'Reilly Factor wanted to prove the point that the liberal drug policy of the Netherlands had backfired, since the Dutch government was planning to tighten the rules governing soft drugs use. "The Netherlands are becoming more conservative", said O'Reilly.

Anarchy! Total anarchy! There's fuckin' tulips and wooden shoes and hacked-off ears flying all over the place in that city, I'm tellin' ya!

Anyway, some hashished-up denizen of that lowly metropolis managed to un-entangle his or herself from the orgy pile long enough to issue this belated (c'mon, it's Holland time) response…

Sorry, I guess I should have added a NSFW warning before making you watch that.

Over the past few weeks, we've explored the sibling rivalry between television/radio correspondents and bloggers. But what better way to end this feature than with an inspiring story which shows us how blogger-correspondent collaboration can literally save lives…

It seemed like any other Amtrak train on any other crisp April night. But it very much was not. Greta Von Susteren and her husband were aboard the DC-NY Amtrak train, when, all of a sudden, Von Susteren's husband, John Coale, heard a frightening sound, and nudged his wife to attention. Greta recognized the sound and knew it was one thing and one thing only: a food allergy attack. Herself a food allergic individual, Greta knew what she needed to do. Armed with a bendaryl tablet, Von Susteren ran to the rescue of the would-be victim and bravely administered the antihistamine.

The saved allergy-sufferer recalls the "indescribably terrifying" attack and the soothing words of her savior. "She was like 'I think I know what is happening to you. Don't worry about it. We're going to get you a Benadryl'." Though she'll never know for sure, the Benadryl recipient suspects that without the interVontion, "It would have been a thousand times worse." Greta claims, "I didn't do anything heroic. I did what anyone would have done." Maybe anyone would have done this.

But the person Von Susteren saved wasn't just anyone. She was none other than "far-left person" Ana Marie Cox.

The Fox News correspondent's actions were so brave Bill O'Reilly knighted Von Susteren a "Patriot" and stated that "Ironically, Miss Cox, a far-left person, now may owe her life to the Fox News Channel." Destiny (or bladder control) intervened once again, a month later when the two ran into each other, a month later, in the ladies room at White House Correspondents' Association dinner. Amidst the sound of hand blow dryers and flushing toilets, Cox uttered the following words: "Thank you for saving my life."

These women certainly have their differences (see chart below). But they were able to put them aside.

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