Election Day

We know that November 3, 2009 isn't a real Election Day. But still, we can all pretend. Right? Take a look at these six elections and let us know how much you care.

No Fair Health Care

This former McCain campaign advisor on health care is going to loose his coverage. No, seriously.

Christie v. Python

Find out how to tell copyright infringement from quite a far way away by examining Rep. Chris Christie's campaign ad.

Daily Bloomberg

Watch these videos and take a trip down Memory Lane, where the flowers are always in Bloomberg.

Drugs

October 23 at 1:21PM

David Cross, Barack Obama, Cocaine, Blah Blah Blah

POSTED BY: Dennis DiClaudio


This just in: David Cross did a line of cocaine off of Barack Obama's penis at the White House Correspondents Dinner.

Or something.

I don't know. I stopped reading after I'd kinda gotten the gist.

October 19 at 4:45PM

The Daily Show's Best War on Drugs Moments

POSTED BY: Matt Tobey

Good news, hippies! President Obama will not be arresting medical marijuana users who comply with state laws. That's right, the potheads are soon going to be roaming the streets, treating their cancer and glaucoma willy-nilly in some sort of warped Fear-and-Loathing-in-Las-Vegas-esque perversion of America where the sick are dealt with humanely and with reason. With that in mind, here are some of the best War on Drugs-themed clips from The Daily Show. Watch them with some of your kindest buds.

Narcs and Recreation



The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Read more »

September 2 at 7:09PM

From the Pork Barrel: Behind the Couch

POSTED BY: Dennis DiClaudio

* Sasha Obama discovers George W.'s old hiding spot.

* The angrytownhall Twitter feed exposes the government's socialized fire extinguishing scheme.

* "Just because you are alive doesn't mean you deserve to stay alive." – Well, now that you've put it that way

* The economic down turn hits the fundamental base of our business community.

* Free torture trading cards? I don't know. That sounds kind of socialisty.

July 31 at 11:29AM

A Message to Bill O'Reilly From "The Cesspool of Corruption" Known as Amsterdam

POSTED BY: Dennis DiClaudio

I guess I missed this the first time around, but apparently Bill O'Reilly did a whole segment back in December about how evil and disgusting Amsterdam is because of its liberal policies toward drugs and prostitution and personal liberties and not being unctuously hypocritical faux-prudes…

"Amsterdam is a cesspool of corruption. Everything is out of control, it's anarchy", a sidekick of Fox News conservative anchor Bill O'Reilly said during a broadcast in December 2008.

The O'Reilly Factor wanted to prove the point that the liberal drug policy of the Netherlands had backfired, since the Dutch government was planning to tighten the rules governing soft drugs use. "The Netherlands are becoming more conservative", said O'Reilly.

Anarchy! Total anarchy! There's fuckin' tulips and wooden shoes and hacked-off ears flying all over the place in that city, I'm tellin' ya!

Anyway, some hashished-up denizen of that lowly metropolis managed to un-entangle his or herself from the orgy pile long enough to issue this belated (c'mon, it's Holland time) response…

Sorry, I guess I should have added a NSFW warning before making you watch that.

July 2 at 1:19PM

Greta Van Susteren vs. Ana Marie Cox: Ideological Strangers on a Train?

POSTED BY: Katie Halper


Over the past few weeks, we've explored the sibling rivalry between television/radio correspondents and bloggers. But what better way to end this feature than with an inspiring story which shows us how blogger-correspondent collaboration can literally save lives…

It seemed like any other Amtrak train on any other crisp April night. But it very much was not. Greta Von Susteren and her husband were aboard the DC-NY Amtrak train, when, all of a sudden, Von Susteren's husband, John Coale, heard a frightening sound, and nudged his wife to attention. Greta recognized the sound and knew it was one thing and one thing only: a food allergy attack. Herself a food allergic individual, Greta knew what she needed to do. Armed with a bendaryl tablet, Von Susteren ran to the rescue of the would-be victim and bravely administered the antihistamine.

The saved allergy-sufferer recalls the "indescribably terrifying" attack and the soothing words of her savior. "She was like 'I think I know what is happening to you. Don't worry about it. We're going to get you a Benadryl'." Though she'll never know for sure, the Benadryl recipient suspects that without the interVontion, "It would have been a thousand times worse." Greta claims, "I didn't do anything heroic. I did what anyone would have done." Maybe anyone would have done this.

But the person Von Susteren saved wasn't just anyone. She was none other than "far-left person" Ana Marie Cox.

The Fox News correspondent's actions were so brave Bill O'Reilly knighted Von Susteren a "Patriot" and stated that "Ironically, Miss Cox, a far-left person, now may owe her life to the Fox News Channel." Destiny (or bladder control) intervened once again, a month later when the two ran into each other, a month later, in the ladies room at White House Correspondents' Association dinner. Amidst the sound of hand blow dryers and flushing toilets, Cox uttered the following words: "Thank you for saving my life."

These women certainly have their differences (see chart below). But they were able to put them aside.

Read more »

June 23 at 11:19AM

Barney Frank Introduces Marijuana Bill for Congress to Obviously Vote Down

POSTED BY: Dennis DiClaudio

Hey, look! Barney Frank has just introduced a crazy new bill that his fellow Democrats can cower from like a bunch cowardly cowards…

Frank has filed a bill that would eliminate federal penalties for personal possession of less than 100 grams of marijuana. It would also make the penalty for using marijuana in public just $100.

"I think John Stuart Mill had it right in the 1850s," said Congressman Frank, "when he argued that individuals should have the right to do what they want in private, so long as they don't hurt anyone else. It's a matter of personal liberty.

"Moreover, our courts are already stressed and our prisons are over-crowded. We don't need to spend our scarce resources prosecuting people who are doing no harm to others."

I'm not sure who this John Stuart Mill person is, but he's got three names, and that makes me dislike him for some reason. Seems intellectually, doesn't it?

Besides that, this concept of personal liberty just sounds wrong and un-American. I mean, really, where does it end? It's a slippery slope. One minute people are deciding that they'd like to smoke a certain kind of cigarette while they watch Big Trouble in Little China, and the next they're having sex with a circus elephant while an albino motorcycle enthusiast injects slime mold into their eye sockets.

It can happen! Mark my words!

Page(s): 123 Older

CONTACT US

FEATURES

Johnston's Johnson

Before the end of the year, John McCain will stare into the maw Levi Johnston's penis. And he will weep.

Grand Ol' Census

That census form you just received in the mail is okay to fill out because it's not actually a census form!

CAPTION CHALLENGE

THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE

Robert Gibbs was Luke's father?

LAST WEEK'S WINNER

"Healthcare legislation is like taking a dump this big. Sure it may hurt, but once it passes it feels soooo good."
Sumbitted by: flasunbum

HEADLINE ANAGRAMS

Submit Your Anagrams

Help us find the secret liberal code hidden in, "Republicans Bask in Glow of Victories in N.J. and Va.". Submit your anagrams to this week's challenge!

INDECISION IS EVERYWHERE


Start following TheInDecider now!

POLITICAL ADDICTIONARY