In case you were wondering where all the balls in the entire world went, look no further. They're in Saudi Arabia, being used to make mind-blowing demands like this…

Saudi Arabia is trying to enlist other oil-producing countries to support a provocative idea: if wealthy countries reduce their oil consumption to combat global warming, they should pay compensation to oil producers…

"Assisting us as oil-exporting countries in achieving economic diversification is very crucial for us through foreign direct investments, technology transfer, insurance and funding," [chief Saudi negotiator, Mohammad al-Sabban] said in an e-mail message.

This Saudi position has emerged periodically as a source of dispute since the earliest global climate talks, in Rio de Janeiro in 1992. It is surfacing again as Saudi Arabia tries to build a coalition of producers to extract concessions in Copenhagen.

Let's look at this in bullet points…

* Saudi Arabia has almost all the oil.

* Saudi Arabia uses its oil supply to get almost all the money.

* The world tries to keep some of its money by trying to not use as much oil.

* Saudi Arabia demands reparations for this backhanded maneuvering.

Wow. The logic is so simple and yet so crazy. I feel like I need a drink after trying to work that through my brain. But, ugh, I should really wait till I get back to my neighborhood tonight so I can buy a six-pack from the deli around the corner from my apartment.

It's kind of overpriced, but less expensive then the price for not buy a six-pack there. It costs $12 dollars to not buy a six-pack there. Am I crazy or is that unreasonable?

Of course, what I'd really like to do is quit drinking and dry out for a while. But I don't think i can afford it.

The Washington Post, a private Evite service, has some very linkworthy bait on its editorial page this morning: 600-plus words from Alaska governor Sarah Palin on a hot-button topic, "quitting." Ha! Whoops, see, this is why real news outlets have copyeditors.

I didn't mean "quitting." I meant "cap-and-trade." Ugh, take three. Of course I meant "cap-and-tax." Well here, Governor Palin explains it all for you…

There is no denying that as the world becomes more industrialized, we need to reform our energy policy and become less dependent on foreign energy sources. But the answer doesn't lie in making energy scarcer and more expensive! Those who understand the issue know we can meet our energy needs and environmental challenges without destroying America's economy.

Why is Nobama hell-bent on destroying our economy! What's in it for him! I guess he just gets some kind of sick pleasure from seeing everyone suffer!

Even Warren Buffett, an ardent Obama supporter, admitted that under the cap-and-tax scheme, "poor people are going to pay a lot more for electricity."

Warren Buffett did say that, and he is rich, so he must be right. The Congressional Budget Office thought otherwise, but the CBO is not rich, so screw them.

This op-ed has not found religion yet.

We must move in a new direction. We are ripe for economic growth and energy independence if we responsibly tap the resources that God created right underfoot on American soil.

I will forgive Sarah Palin for taking eleven paragraphs to get to God, but only because she knows more about energy than probably anyone else in the United States of America.

US Secretary of the Interior Ken Salazar was on The Daily Show last night and told Jon Stewart he wants to collect royalties from the oil industry and give the money to American tax-payers. Last time I checked, there are only a handful of oil companies, but there are millions of tax-payers, meaning the Obama administration wants to take money from minorities and line the pockets of the fat cats on Main Street. So much for change we can believe in!

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

As I'm sure you're aware, the world is still reeling from the total intellectual ass-kicking that Rep. Joe Barton gave that pencil-neck geek Energy Secretary Stephen Chu the other day when he asked him to explain how all that Texas-style oil got underneath the Alaska-style ground.

Obviously, Chu retreated into a whole bunch of sciencey kind of bullshit which was obvious bullshit science stuff — totally embarrassing himself — and Rep. Barton walked away as the smartest man in the 6,000 year history of the Earth.

Anyway, Get Your War On's old author David Rees doesn't think Barton should have been so merciful as to stop there, and suggests a number of other questions that Chu needed to be asked…

"Why can't I see the wind? Is it made of ghosts?"

"How did all that water get in the ocean?"

"How come sometimes when I look at a cloud, it reminds me of a shape, like a horse or an airplane or something?"

"How come things are all different colors?"

"If solar power is so great, why isn't there a Psalm in the Bible that says, 'Solar power is so great / that is my honest opinion, sayeth the Lord'?"

"If global warming is so real, how come I had never heard of it until people started talking about it?"

"How did this thumb on the end of my arm get stuck up my ass?"

Luckily for Chu, Barton doesn't like to flaunt his brainial superiority.

Aw, snap!

Did you see Texas Rep. Joe Barton's mind-boggling take down of that egghead scientist Energy Secretary Dr. Stephen Chu as a means to disprove Global Warming somehow?

Barton's Twitter: "I seemed to have baffled the Energy Sec with basic question – Where does oil come from?"

Seemed to have baffled him. He practically made that nerd's head explode with his flawless logic and creative understand of the Earth's history. I just love watching those stuffed shirts with all their learnin' and numberin' get taken down by a good ol' boy like "Smokey Joe." It was a think of beauty to behold!

Here, watch…

Burn! Buuuuuurrrnnn!!!

Look at that idiot mumbling about "Geology" and "Constantinople Plates" and a bunch of other made-up stuff.

You don't mess with a Texan when it comes to the science of oil and energy. Lone Star scientists discovered long ago that Alaska used to be hot, because that's where Lucifer fell when God threw him out of Heaven. It's as obvious a fact as the fact that oil is made out of angels' tears.

That shit got proved a long time ago.

Since President Obama set money aside in his new budget for things like magically clean-burning coal, I bet we'll be seeing more products like this hitting the market soon…

You can't tell me we can't figure out how to make an air freshener out of coal that we mine right here in the USA and make it work somehow.

(That commercial was directed by the Coen Brothers, btw.)