That bill is absolutely terrible, as Ms. Palin reports via Facebook note…

We've got to hold on to hope, and we've got to fight hard because Congressional action tonight just put America on a path toward an unrecognizable country.

Okay, well, at least she knows we're not headed for Soviet-style health care. (Russia is one of the countries Sarah Palin can recognize.) But the bill Sarah Palin has read is still basically an act of domestic terrorism, as far as Sarah Palin is concerned …

We had been told there were no "death panels" in the bill either. But look closely at the provision mandating bureaucratic panels that will be calling the shots regarding who will receive government health care.

Look closely at provisions addressing illegal aliens' health care coverage too.

Yes, please do look at these provisions. Look closely. I see words like "Subtitle C, Sec. 347. No Federal payment for undocumented aliens" and "Subtitle H, Sec. 1786. Prohibitions on Federal Medicaid and CHIP payment for undocumented aliens." I also see words like "Sec. 1233, Voluntary advance care planning consultation" and "Nothing in this section shall require an individual to consent to restrictions on the amount, duration, or scope of medical benefits an individual is entitled to receive under this title; or encourage the promotion of suicide or assisted suicide."

But, like I said, those words are in the bill the House passed. I haven't read the bill in Sarah Palin's brain, and frankly, I don't think I will. I can't stomach horror movies either.

After stealing campaign material from your opponent through some kind of weird covert operation, don't go and brag about it on Facebook. And maybe consider not bragging about it anywhere. Because of the whole it's illegal and unethical thing.

If you simply must brag about it, do it on MySpace. I guarantee that won't make any waves.

Palin published a note on her Facebook page Tuesday that encourages President Barack Obama to grant a request for the tens of thousands of additional troops reportedly requested by Gen. Stanley McChrystal, the top U.S. commander in the country.

Good call. The president always refreshes his Facebook news feed before making any major military decisions, so this will be very helpful, I'm sure.

"Now is not the time for cold feet, second thoughts, or indecision," Palin wrote on the site.

Hey now. HEY NOW. Perhaps you meant 'indecisiveness,' Sarah? Or 'MSNBC'?

Quick, let's all express our displeasure with Sarah Palin by sending her a message she can understand. Using the English language is probably a terrible idea, so… superpoke or de-friend, your choice.

Oh, right! Sarah Palin, the Martin Luther of Facebook. She has typed up another important message about health care, and I'll score it for you here:

Mentions of Ronald Reagan: 1

Mentions of death panels: 1

Mentions of God/Jesus Christ/Trig Palin: 0. There is a reference to "the weakest among us," but that could also mean Todd, maybe.

Total score: 2 (?) out of 3

One strange thing I just noticed — Sarah Palin seems to have figured out a hack that lets her post her Facebook notes on the Wall Street Journal's op-ed page. How the hell did she do that? And where is the "Don't Like" button?

* The scariest aspect of the health care debate.

* Sarah Palin kicked off Facebook.

* Just kidding. Her ghost writer still gets to post. (Ed note: Whew!)

* Michele Bachmann does not want anyone "Palinizing" her. Of course not. What kind of congresswoman do you think she is? Besides, she's perfectly capable of Palinizing herself.

* Onion News Network: Peta Protest Advocacy Group Decries PETA's Inhumane Treatment of Women.

* Please mark your race: Caucasian, Negro, Mongoloid or Neanderthal.

* Don't worry, Palinophiles fans. I'm sure this is all a part of her very-well-thought-out master plan. I mean, it's not like her to behave erratically.

* The godless, paganistic, heathens are turning on Obama?! But that's his base!!!

* This is, I think, how we were all hoping the Beer Summit would go down.

* Why Michael Savage's being banned from England is as disturbing as it is hilarious.

* What do the First Amendment and Lisa Lampanelli's hooha have in common? They both get expanded every time someone hosts a comedy roast (such as this one).

I didn't pay attention in Philosophy class, so I can't crack the logical fallacy here. But I know there's something…

(via Reddit)

Anyway — hot on the heels of our recent decision to faze out posting via smoke signal in favor of using computers — we've decided to bring Indecision to Facebook.* So we created a "page" (Fun Fact: That's what we call them even though they're not actually made of paper) that we're gonna use to do Facebooky kind of stuff with, and as it stands right now, I'm our only fan…

I'm so lonely! Please help!

.

^{* Truth be told, we did have a Facebook page before, but it wasn't really used for much. And then we sold it to a guy for a used bass amp. So, we're starting fresh. If you were a fan of the old page, please be so kind as to re-up your fanhood. Thanks.}

Critics are spinning, so hang in there as they feed false info on the right decision made as I enter last yr in office to not run again….
About 19 hours ago from TwitterBerry

Yes, hang in there, America! Be strong, and do not consume the "false info." Have the potato salad instead! Remember, winners never quit and quitters never say they quit, they just post rambling Facebook notes about findin' themselves a higher calling…

How sad that Washington and the media will never understand; it’s about country. And though it's honorable for countless others to leave their positions for a higher calling and without finishing a term, of course we know by now, for some reason a different standard applies for the decisions I make.

Thus far Sarah Palin's higher calling involves siccing her lawyers on a blogger who reported on rumors of an FBI investigation, and dragging some poor Alaskan FBI official away from his one weekend off to say, Nah, there's no investigation. See? It's about country.

Just not the part of the country that actually elected her.

^{*Man, we are going to be parsing this nutty Sarah Palin resignation forever, at least until Sarah Palin does another batshit insane thing in public, which- what, you want to say a week? Maybe a week?}

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