Good news for everyone who is an executive for a powerful telecommunications corporation!

John McCain is fighting for your freedom to impose your will upon the masses! Go, America!

McCain's bill, the Internet Freedom Act, would block the Federal Communications Commission from making Net neutrality the law of the land. The rule preventing ISPs from slowing down certain types of content would create "onerous federal regulation," McCain argued in a written statement.

According to a report at NetworkWorld, McCain "called the proposed Net neutrality rules a 'government takeover' of the Internet that will stifle innovation and depress an 'already anemic' job market in the US."

But supporters of Net neutrality argue that the rule is needed to ensure that Internet providers don't censor content, or slow down traffic to Web sites that are in competition with their business allies.

Come on now? Who are you going to believe on this? Some person who knows how to use a computer? Or John McCain?

Do you use the internet? No? Stop using your psychic powers to infiltrate my brain, creep! But if you do "surf the tubes," you may be aware of net neutrality, which is the novel idea that telecom companies shouldn't be allowed to discriminate among different types of online content, so silly blogs like this can travel at the same speed as, say, a silly blog that paid the telecom company big $$ for favors.

Now, much to the consternation of folks like John McCain, Julius Genachowski is chairman of the FCC, and he's talking up net neutrality before a big vote later this month. Here, let's let him explain in his own actual words why this issue is so important…

"Everywhere from the Streets of Philadelphia to My Hometown in New York, every Bobby Jean and every Jersey Girl should be counting on the Internet remaining free and open, not Counting on a Miracle. They should count on The Rising of millions of voices to beat back any Darkness on the Edge of Town, or broadband Badlands that could threaten limited choice and create potential bottlenecks.

"The people who built the Internet were working on more than a computer network, they were Working on a Dream. It was a network that was Born to Run in a land of open protocols, (the Promised Land). The Internet is more than an information highway, it is a telecom Thunder Road of wonderfully chaotic creativity and it will be a Lonesome Day if that is ever lost. But, hold on, Janey, Don't You Lose Heart, because the FCC will be taking up open Internet rules in the near future."

Ah, so that's why Julius Genachowski is fighting for net neutrality.

He's afraid the telecoms will slow down his ILuvTheBoss fan page, and really, that's the only thing that keeps him going these days.

Uh oh! Have you heard? Glenn Beck is unleashing his army of true blue American patriots to go out into the world and drum up some bad news for Obama's picks for Information and Regulatory Czar, FCC Diversity Czar and Energy Czar…

Watch Dogs: FIND EVERYTHING YOU CAN ON CASS SUNSTEIN, MARK LLOYD AND CAROL BROWNER. Do not link before burning to disc.

He's rebelling against a bunch of czars! I've never heard of anything so non-Bolshevik-sounding. Hopefully, he'll draw blood by sometime next month. Then he and his comrades can celebrate their own Red October like real American patriots.

So, what's the progressive movement to do in the face of such brazenly douche-like behavior? Luckily, it has MSNBC's Keith Olbermann around to douche-taliate by taking the high road and asking Americans go out and dig up harmful personal information on Beck as well as other non-government-employees…

I don't know why I've got this phrasing in my head, but: Find everything you can about Glenn Beck,  [Beck's radio producer] Stu Burguiere, and [Fox News president] Roger Ailes… Tuesday we will expand this to the television audience and have a dedicated email address to accept leads, tips, contacts…

This becomes necessary after this in order to prove various cliches about goose and gander, and to remind everybody to walk softly and carry a big popsicle, and most particularly to save this nation from the Oligarhy of The Stupid.

I can't say exactly why, but this whole thing puts me in mind of that new human centipede movie.