You've got to hand it to Glenn Beck. He knows that an effectively narrow worldview must strangle out any opinions and/or verifiable facts about reality that do not contribute to the structure as has been meticulously crafted by one's self. The problem is, if you don't offer a service, people will be forced to go elsewhere to seek it out. And that can be dangerous!

So, with that in mind, Glenn Beck just launched The Blaze, a news site for people who think Fox Nation is too hoity-toity and objective.

Beck and his team put it together in a relatively short amount of time, apparently. And it really shows. The thing is fucking riddled with errors. Take, for example, Beck's introduction to the website. I took the time to put my old proofreading skills to work, and just look at all the corrections I made in just the first three paragraphs…

If you are like a disciple of me, watching the news or reading the paper can be an exercise in exasperation frustrating due to those rare moments of journalistic objectivity. It's so hard to find a place that helps me make sense of reinforce the child-like narrative that I have constructed for myself concerning the world as I would prefer to see it.

Too many important make believe stories are overlooked. And too many times we see mainstream media outlets distorting reporting facts to fit rigid agendas. Not that you’ve ever heard me complain about the media before. Okay, maybe once or twice.

But there comes a time when you have to stop complaining and do something add another story to your high rise ministry of propaganda. And so we decided to hire some actual journalists dudes I know to launch a new website — The Blaze. And we moved fast. We built the team and the site in just two months. Because, really, who gives a fuck?

Come on, guys. You could have taken an extra week to work out all the kinks, could you have?

Remember that word that Teabaggers made up for themselves because they didn't understand what it meant and then the Teabaggers were all like, "Why's everybody laughing at us Teabaggers?" and then when the Teabaggers discovered what the word actually meant, they got all indignant and accused the liberal mainstream media of having made up the word in the first place?

What was that word again?

Oh, that's right…

Good for you, Teabaggers! We are all happy that you have finally accepted yourselves as "Teabaggers." It feels good to not run away from what you are, doesn't it? Here's hoping that you really, really embrace your Teabagger identities and look forward to many, many more hours of video footage featuring all of you calling yourselves "Teabaggers" as many times as possible. And, please, remain strong when faced with adversity. Just keep at it, Teabaggers.

It'll stop being funny in about a billion times.

(via Fox Nation)

Jeeze, Fox Nation ran this story yesterday, and I've yet to see any other outlet pick it up. You would think that a thing like this would have been more widely reported…

Famed global warming activist James Schneider and a journalist friend were both found frozen to death on Saturday, about 90 miles from South Pole Station, by the pilot of a ski plane practicing emergency evacuation procedures.

Oh, wow. That's really sad to hear. Thank you, Fox Nation, for bringing this sorrowful and somewhat suspiciously ironic story to light. But what was this famous activist whom I've never heard of doing down there in the first place?

One friend of Prof. Schneider told ecoEnquirer that he had been planning a trip to an ice sheet to film the devastation brought on by global warming. His wife, Linda, said that she had heard him discussing the trip with his environmental activist friends, but she assumed that he was talking about the Greenland ice sheet, a much smaller ice sheet than Antarctica.

"He kept talking about when they 'get down to chili', and I thought they were talking about the order in which they would consume their food supplies", Mrs. Schneider recounted. "I had no idea they were talking about Chile, the country from which you usually fly or sail in order to reach Antarctica."

Oh, wow. That's really… kind of pretty unbelievable. I don't wanna not trust you, Fox Nation, just because you're Fox Nation, but, um… I'm gonna check with Snopes on this one…

The above-referenced ironic tale of a global warming activist's freezing to death in Antarctica was presented on the Fox Nation web site as a straightforward news story on 29 March 2010. However, the original source for the story (which is linked from the Fox site) was a 2006 article from ecoEnquirer.com, a satirical site featuring spoof articles such as "Court Orders Fisherman to Apologize to Eagle" and "Penguins 'Fed Up' with Media Attention."

You know what they say, Fox Nation. The best April Fools jokes are the ones you play on yourself. (Do they say that? I don't know, maybe.)

Update: It seems that Fox Nation accidentally deleted this highly important news story from their site. Whoops! Don't worry, Fox Nation. Google kept a cached version of the page for you. (Thanks for the heads up, siskita and KT.)

Fair, Balanced, Lil' Bit Unhinged: FOX News, never shy when wearing it's heart on it's sleeve or Glock on it's hip, has launched an entire website dedicated to conservative opinion.  There's thoughtful rage, blind rage, and impotent rage. Something for everyone. [foxnation.com]

Republicans Hate Obama, Democrats Love Obama, Move Along: The Atlantic's independently-minded scribbler Andrew Sullivan interprets Obama's poll numbers, which reveal that the faithful remain so, and the opposition continues with it's very loud seething. [andrewsullivan.com]

Gays Can Marry In Corn Country: The Mormons are having a little freak out, says Joe Sudbay. Specifically over Iowa joining the tide of states allowing homosexuals to legally be eligible for divorce. [americablog.com]

Walker, Texas Ranger, Theologian: The future President of Texas, Chuck Norris, would like you to know that no matter what the actual President of the United States says, we are a Christian nation. Got it? [creators.com]

Here's some of today's news headline exports from the sovereign nation of Fox…

* Ten Ways Jesus Changed the World

* Church Features "Obama Jesus"

* Poll: Obama Has Most Polarized Early Job Approval in 4 Decades

* Barack Obama Really Does Go On A Bit

* Obama adviser made millions from TARP banks

* NYT hides Blago-Rezko Connection

* Sarkozy Tells Obama to Butt Out

* Ted Nugent: Praying for Obama to Fail

Any day with a Ted Nugent headline is a good day.

Here's some of today's news stories filtered through the Fox-shaped lens…

* Hillary's science advisor: Too many people on Earth

* Scientists say Obama full of hot air

* Pope slandered by top atheist

* White House briefing book insults British

* GOP gleeful at 2010 prospects

* O'Reilly offers Palin a hand

* NBC is 'green' because no one watches