Indecision Forever » Fox News

Colbert Protects His Assets from the Senate's Healthcare Bill

Matt Tobey — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:45:11 +0000

According to the newly released Senate healthcare bill, Democrats want to pay for reform by taxing so-called "Cadillac insurance plans." Which sounds good, until you remember GM filed for bankruptcy this year. "Cadillac" doesn't exactly mean what it used to. In fact, I'm pretty sure this means they're paying for healthcare reform by taxing Medicaid. Either way, Stephen Colbert has a fool-proof plan to protect his money from the socialist taxocrats.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly's Monsters of Teabagging Tour

Dennis DiClaudio — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 21:29:26 +0000

I have to admit that if there was a chance in hell that this was coming through New York City, I'd be seriously tempted to throw down the money to see this…

Enough is enough — it's time for the truth from somebody who'll give it to you straight, whether you like it or not. Actually, make that… somebodys — Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck. This January, they're coming out from behind their desks and going on tour. Your town may never be the same.

My God! The twin diamonds that dangle most brightly from the Fox family's jewel sack. On tour together! Is this the greatest cultural event of our lifetime? I'm sure it's the greatest cultural event of somebody's lifetime.

Don't miss out on the rare opportunity to see these two men live on stage. It's an event that makes professional wrestling seem like a night at the opera.

Can you even imagine getting to see these two guys up on stage together? This thing is totally going to make professional wrestling seem like a night at the– Wait, what?

Aw, man. That was gonna be my punchline.

Outgoing Obama Aide Dunn Lauds Jon Stewart and The Daily Show

Matt Tobey — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:49:58 +0000

Of course we think The Daily Show is the only trustworthy news-source in America, but we work for Comedy Central, so we're hardly objective. We also think South Park should have won the Nobel Prize for Economics, and Just Shoot Me reruns cure rickets. But it turns out we're not the only ones singing the praises of Jon Stewart and the Best Fucking News Team Ever.

At the recent Bloomberg Washington Summit, President Obama's outgoing Communications Director Anita Dunn continued the ridicules of Fox News that marked her time with the administration:

She criticized Fox for using edited footage of a rally to make it appear that opposition to the president’s health-care plan was bigger than it was.

“The people who exposed this: Jon Stewart of the Daily Show on Comedy Central… That’s where you are getting fact-checking and investigative journalism these days.”

To see what real fact-checking and investigative journalism looks like, you can watch the segment in question below, followed by Jon Stewart's response to Sean Hannity's apology.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Jon Stewart Suffers Through Hannity's Show for Apology

Matt Tobey — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 15:08:59 +0000

Yesterday we told you that Sean Hannity had apologized to Jon Stewart and The Daily Show for misappropriating footage on his Fox News program. Now, we reported on it, but we didn't actually watch the show. That would be like sticking our head in a beehive for an hour because we wanted some honey. Well, Jon Stewart, yeoman that he is, stuck his head in that beehive, and lived to tell the tale. Barely.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Sean Hannity Responds to Jon Stewart, Admits Shocking Near Human-like Capability for Fallibility

Dennis DiClaudio — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:26:33 +0000

So, earlier this week, Jon Stewart viciously attacked Sean Hannity on the air, claiming that footage Hannity used on his show to illustrate a teabagging party was actually footage from an earlier, more successful teabagging party two months ago, simply because it was identical.

Well, obviously, an insult like this could not stand. Oh no! No standing for that kind of insult. So, Hannity let loose from both barrels on his show last night…

"Although it pains me to say this, Jon Stewart, Comedy Central, he was right," Hannity said on his show last night.

"Now on his program last night, he mentioned that we had played some inccorect video on this program last week while talking about the Republican health care rally on Capitol Hill," Hannity said. "He was correct, we screwed up.

"We aired some video of a rally in September along with a video from the actual event. It was an inadvertent mistake, but a mistake nonetheless. So, Mr. Stewart, you were right.

"We apologize, Hannity said on air to Stewart. "But by the way, we wanna thank you and all your writers for watching."

Wait, what? He… he can do that? You mean… Sean Hannity had the ability to admit that he could maybe be wrong about stuff all this time?

And he's willing to use that ability?!

I'm very, very confused. What happened to the Hannity's America we used to know. The Hannity's America we grew up in. I fear for that Hannity's America. I fear for it.

Sean Hannity Will Defend His Honor Tonight

Dennis DiClaudio — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:14:59 +0000

Hey, remember that Daily Show clip in which Jon Stewart pointed out Sean Hannity was doctoring his video clips? Yeah, good times.

Anyway, it looks like Sean Hannity will be returning fire on his show tonight…

Fox News would not comment on the use of the video Wednesday beyond having a spokeswoman say: "Sean will address this on his show tonight."

Well, I can't wait to see what he says. This should be interesting.

It's certainly not within his nature to put an absurd spin on reality and sit there underneath that haircut pretending like he's right.

Jon Stewart Nails Hannity for Using Wrong Protest Footage

Matt Tobey — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:13:02 +0000

On last night's Daily Show, Jon Stewart pointed out that Sean Hannity has been passing off footage from Glenn Beck's 9/12 rally as footage of a recent health care reform protest. It's certainly troubling. I don't know what to believe about Sean Hannity now. For all we know, his never-ending manipulative, bigoted, nationalistic, disingenuous, opportunistic rabble-rousing was stolen from someone else.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Laura Ingraham Did Not Call Nancy Pelosi a Cheap Whore

Mary Phillips-Sandy — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 18:49:49 +0000

What, can't a right-wing talk show host mention the Speaker of the House and the phrase "sell her own body" in the same sentence? Is there a "hooker references panel" now too?

Come on. Everybody settle down. Let's look at what Laura Ingraham really said this morning…

Speaking on FOX, Ingraham announced that the speaker did everything but "sell her own body" to win the 220-to-215 vote.

"I mean Nancy Pelosi did everything but sell her own body to get this bill passed… She did everything, everything was on the table. So she had to swallow the bitter bill of the Stupak amendment otherwise this thing wouldn't have passed."

Look, there it is in black and white. Laura Ingraham said Nancy Pelosi did everything but sell her own body to pass the health care bill. That means Laura Ingraham knows Nancy Pelosi did not offer $10 blowjobs in the back of the cloakroom in order to win Blue Dog votes. She absolutely did not do that!

Who would suggest such a terrible thing, anyway?

Boy, some people have filthy minds.

Rupert Murdoch Releases Spores of Support into the Air for Glenn Beck

Dennis DiClaudio — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:00:58 +0000

You may have heard that Rupert Murdoch — dark overlord of the News Corp empire — has recently unveiled, in an interview, his plan for world domination through making his sites invisible to Google's search engines and trying to abolish fair use.

Well, in that selfsame interview, he also backed up Glenn Beck — News Corp's newest bride — on his startling revelation, a few months back, that Barack Obama is a racist for reasons that are both too obvious to mention and too obscure to explain…

"On the racist thing, that caused a [unintelligible]," Murdoch said in an interview with his Sky News Australia over the weekend. "But [Obama] did make a very racist comment about blacks and whites and so on, which he said in his campaign he would be completely above. And that was something which perhaps shouldn't have been said about the President, but if you actually assess what he was talking about, [Beck] was right."

Oh, yes. That very racist comment about blacks and whites and so on. Who could possibly forget that very racist comment about blacks and whites and so on. Not with all the blacks and whites and so on rioting in the streets in the very racist comment's aftermath.

I guess sometimes we dismiss statements from Glenn Beck as merely nonsensical, offensive, bullshit from a clownish, mentally-feeble, obnoxious, morally bankrupt, unwatchable imbicile.

But things aren't always so black and white and so on.

SNL's Fair and Balanced Fox News Election Night Sketch

Dennis DiClaudio — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 21:16:04 +0000

I usually don't watch Saturday Night Live, because I already saw that one sketch they do. But, as it turns out, sometimes they do some other sketches. Like this one…