George H.W. Bush
June 10 at 10:19AM
As you're aware, the military has discharged dozens of gay Arabic translators, and I personally could not be more offended. When will we as a society wake up and allow Arabic translators to serve openly? As more and more states allow Arabic translator marriage, isn't it time to put an end to this arcane practice so that little Arabic translating boys and girls can live with their heads held high without the threat of bigotry
The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.
May 21 at 3:45PM
The other day, we tasked ourselves with choosing — from amongst a coterie of conservative ladies – whom we'd most like to to Grill (barbecue with), Grill (conduct a comprehensive interview with) and Grill (cover their teeth with some phat gold teeth).
Today, we're doing the same thing with members of the Bush family: George, George Jr. and Jeb. Here's what we came up with…
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 Grill – George W. Bush
Okay, okay, okay. So, Dubya's not so much of a president. Nor much of an oil magnate. Nor much of baseball executive. But, come on, he's gotta be good at something, right?
And we saw that Oliver Stone movie. Who among you would not want to party with the main character from that film. You might not want him to decide your children's future, but we'll bet he comes to the cook-out with a fully stocked cooler. (And you'd better believe there's something extra special buried beneath the ice at the bottom. Shhhhhh…)
Come on, he's Wiffleball Tony. That's gotta be what he's good for.
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March 10 at 5:53PM
Barack Obama has hit the 50 day mark and motherfuck if that guy still hasn't made good on his promise to build every single American a house made out of fellatio.
That bit of disappointment aside, Nate Silver looks at how his approval ratings so far match up with other presidents this far in…
Wow, this is really telling. Only two slots below the great George W. Bush. That's pretty badass. On the other hand, he's just one slot above Ronald Regan. Yuck.
Check out JFK all the way up top with a 73 percent approval rating. Now there was a guy who knew how to make a house out of fellatio.
Delicious fellatio.
January 20 at 12:34PM
12:40 – Well, that's the ceremony. Now, there is just the parade to be endured.
12:39 – Damn! I was hoping for sea shantiers!
12:38 – Sea chanters?!
12:36 – From the comments: "Bush to Obama after speech: 'Hey, did you understand anything that guy up there just talked about?'" – JC
12:34 - At the rate he's reading, we all might die mid-prayer. – Matthew Tobey
12:33 – I hope this guy doesn't die mid-prayer.
12:32 – Another reverend? Where's the imam? where's the rabbi? Where's the witchdoctor? I feel left out.
12:31 – This po – em su – cks.
12:30 – What about the separation of poetry and state? – Mary Phillips-Sandy
12:28 – I think I rejected this poem back when I was editing my old online lit-zine.
12:27 - This – lady – enunci – ates – clear – ly. – Mary Phillips-Sandy
12:26 - Well, that was a pretty nice speech. It's really weird to be aware of yourself watching history unfold. It feels a little like huffing spray paint.
12:25 - Doris Kearns Goodwin just got the vapors. – Karen Lurie
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January 19 at 8:03PM
 * Barack Obama never did make it to this inaugural ball. Despite the higher level of intelligence than you'd find at most political functions.
* Somehow, I don't think he'll be making an appearance at this one either. Despite the higher class of people than you'd find at most political functions.
* Barack Obama to be sworn in alongside 500 body doubles… Just in case.
* The Palin family don't take kindly to white trash, ya know?
* Cindy McCain fields tough questions in her hardest interview to date.
* It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday. Again.
January 7 at 2:17PM
Today, President-elect Barack Obama met with all three living presidents of note in what will soon be his new working office.
And Jimmy Carter was there, too…
So the nation's living and future presidents assembled in the Oval Office for a family photo before lunch in the private dining room of the White House. The five men stood side-by-side and close together in front of Bush's desk. President Bush looked at Obama several times as he spoke and Obama nodded his head. They shook hands…
"I want to thank the president-elect for joining the ex-presidents for lunch," Bush said. "And one message that I have and I think we all share is that we want you to succeed…
"I just want to thank the president for hosting us," Obama said. "This is an extraordinary gathering. All the gentlemen here understand both the pressures and possibilities of this office, and for me to have the opportunity to get advice, good counsel and fellowship with these individuals is extraordinary and I'm very grateful to all of them."
Presumably, to Jimmy Carter as well.
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