You kind of have to respect a guy who can keep a straight face while comparing Kristallnacht to the G20 protests. (Totally the same thing. Totally!) Really! It's a skill. And most most people — burdened by consciences, as they are — just can't pull it off.

But that Glenn Beck, he's a different story! He's the King of Comparing Nazi-Sanctioned Pogroms Against Jews to Protesters Protesting Bankers' Bonuses!

Oh! So that's how political science works. It's just like Thomas the Train! Except a dumbed-down version.

I guess that the real take-away message is that fear over economic collapse leads to racists renting space in Madison Square Garden. Wait, what? I've really lost the thread of this. Why did I make myself watch this? Do yourself a favor and don't have watched that.

There is one good bit, though…

"If you add two elements, fear and hunger, people will listen to anybody who says I have the answer… When I say anybody, I mean anybody."

You don't say.

This personalized video thing from MoveOn actually comes out better if you just go there yourself and let it suck information from your Facebook account (most likely so that it can keep you on file for whatever radical socialist community organizing plans MoveOn has up its sleeve).

But, if you're not willing to hand that information over to the communists just yet, you can get an general idea of it here…

(via Tobey Farts)

Welcome to the nerve center of pulling facts out of Stephen Colbert's hindquarters…

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Don't you hate it when you sit down with a guy who you think is all set to blow the lid off one of the most corrupt political organizations in modern history, and then it turns out he just wants to blow?

The Daily Show and Colbert Report air Monday through Thursday starting at 11pm / 10c.

Stephen Colbert probes this important issue after the jump…

Read more »

Eric Massa (D-Nowhere, now) blathered to Glenn Beck about his persecution for an hour yesterday, which means today we must spend multiple hours reviewing that hour and all its juicy tidbits, of which there are plenty…

In the interview with Mr. Beck, Mr. Massa acknowledged exercising poor judgment in his interactions with his staff on another occasion. He recalled tickling an aide during a birthday party in a townhouse he shared with five of his staff members.

"Now they are saying I groped a male staffer," he told Mr. Beck. "Yeah I did. Not only did I grope him. I tickled him until he couldn't breathe and then four guys jumped on top of me. It was my 50th birthday. It was kill the old guy. You can take anything out of context."

Where in the Constitution does it say a member of Congress cannot grope and tickle his own staffers until they suffocate? What provision in the Constitution could you point to?

We've all been there. Gently stroking our favorite semi-automatic rifle while watching Glenn Beck cry about his lunch or whatever on Fox News, thinking about the way that things are shaping up in the world around us. Because let's face it, you don't have to be an Old Testament prophet to see what's going on all around us.

Isn't that right, terror-mongering, unnecessarily-racist website that I'll get to in a minute?

You don't have to be an Old Testament prophet to see what's going on all around us. A belligerent lower class demanding handouts. A rapidly diminishing middle class crippled by police state bureaucracy. An aloof, ruling elite that has introduced us to an emerging totalitarianism which seeks control over every aspect of our lives…

Could you and your family get off the grid and survive in a panic? Do you have enough seeds to plant a survival garden and feed your family? Do you have the right kind of seeds to plant? If you're answering no to these questions, you need to stop wherever you are and ask yourself… "What would I do if the grocery stores closed?" The answer sadly is that you'd probably go hungry.

What would I do if the grocery stores closed? The answer sadly is that I'd probably go hungry. Unless I could kill my children before they got to me. That'd probably provide me with about six weeks worth of meat, eight if I decided to mince the offal. And I'm sure that some aimless drifters would happen across my land in that time. If I could hunt down just three of them, that'd probably keep me alive through the winter. Or till the Tribulation. Whichever comes first.

But wait! I can't eat all that protein without at least a little fiber. Everybody knows that vegetables are socialist, but I've got to eat them or else I get backed up real bad. Oh, Jesus! Glenn Beck is right, it truly is the End of Days!

Wait, what's this? Glenn Beck's going to commercial? I wonder if the solution to all my problems will be found during this break…

Thanks, Survival Seed Bank dot com! A full acre crisis garden is exactly what I've been needing to supplement my apocalyptic cannibal farm! Just one question, though?

Non-hybrid seeds? That means that they're not mulatto or half-breed, right? I don't wanna grow any "lower class" vegetables. And no fruits.

(via BuzzFeed)