Stephen Colbert's take can be found below.

The Daily Show and Colbert Report air Monday through Thursday starting at 11pm / 10c.

Here is a child's treasury of health care debate hijinks, starting with an actual child courtesy of Rep. John Shadegg (R-AZ). See, Maddie wants patient choice. Maddie does not want her mom's taxes to go up. Maddie/Trig '44!

Oh, there's more.

Beloved teabagger Michele Bachmann (R-MN HI??) took to the podium wearing a traditional floral lei, because… come on, do we have to spell it out for you? "The one who created this lei also created our freedom," she says. Thank you, tourist vendor in Honolulu, for giving us this gift.

Last but not least, how's the conservative blog reaction to Louisiana's Rep. Anh "Joseph" Cao, the only Republican to vote yes on the bill? About as reasonable as you'd expect. Over at the Free Republic there's an ongoing "profile in treason" thread packed with punderful gems like "ciao, Cao," "Caoward," "deport the SOB" and "how now, Yellow Cao?" (Get it? Anh Cao is not brave.)

Others have taken a completely different approach to the traitor in their midst…

I am seriously starting to distrust those of eastern decent. [...] How do we not know that it is some sort of a plot to take over America?

We don't not know that! But we do know that Rep. Cao is basically the same as Chairman Mao, another politician famous for supporting health care legislation.

Finally, a record was set for the most expletives and racial slurs in 140 characters. Never before has the "top conservatives on Twitter" hashtag been so richly deserved.

A poll released Tuesday from Public Policy Polling shows just 24 percent of Republicans in North Carolina believe that President Obama was born in the United States, despite all evidence that he was indeed born in Hawaii. When factoring in both Democrat and Independent voters, that figure increases, but only to 54 percent.

That's not all. (I gonna need some extra grande-sized bullets)…

Of those who voted for McCain in North Carolina, only 89 percent agreed that Hawaii is part of the United States.

I don't know if you remember this — because it might not be true in your version of reality — but there used to be these things called "facts." And you could interpret them how you liked and form your own opinions about what those facts meant for the world, but you pretty much just accepted that the facts were real.

That's not the case anymore, obviously. Now, the word "fact" isn't really anything more than another synonym for the word "opinion." Completely interchangeable. You have your facts about where the president was born, who destroyed the World Trade Center and how old the Earth is, and I have mine.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a face to shoot.

Chuck's message isn't quite as sexy as Marilyn cooing "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" to JFK, but it is a whole lot more red-blooded Americanier…

Dear Mr. President:

First, happy birthday. I do hope Aug. 4 is an enjoyable day for you and your family. Coincidentally, I also will be celebrating this week the birth of someone dear to me, my beloved wife, Gena, whose birthday is on Aug. 9.

Gosh. I wonder where Chuck could be headed with this.

Mr. President, as more and more people realize that you are refusing to release your original birth certificate, further questions will fuel the fires of debate or at least hinder the embers from ever being snuffed out. Questions like, "Does it really contain the Hawaiian physician's name?" Or "Does it disclose something other than his birth place that he wishes others not to see?"

[O]n July 23 in your prime time press conference, you said that your administration was more transparent than those of previous presidencies: "I think that we have provided much greater transparency than existed prior to our administration coming in." So again I ask, why not live out that transparency promise by posting your original birth certificate and end the division and debate?

Well, I have a birthday to plan, so I better get going.

Uh-huh, Chuck, sure. You have a "birthday" to plan.

And I guess we're just supposed to take your word on that?

Lots of times, these come from fervent libertarians with a vested interest in lumping the cowardly, moronic Democrats in with the willfully-stupid, calculatedly-prejudiced Republicans. Other times, they're from people who just get (justifiably?) annoyed that I've let my brain get infected with so many more liberal contagions than conservative ones.

Well, in my own defense, I offer you this piece of information, which depresses me almost as much as it doesn't surprise me one little iota…

Less than half of Republicans believe that Barack Obama was born in the United States of America, a new public opinion poll finds.

Only 42 percent of Republican respondents in a Research 2000 survey, conducted for the liberal website Daily Kos, said they thought Obama was a natural born citizen; 28 percent said they did not believe Obama was born in the United States; 30 percent said they were not sure.

When information like that keeps popping up in your Google Reader everyday, how is it even possible to be "fair" or "even-handed" or "not overtly ridiculing" to one whole side of the political spectrum?

This is what happens when a political party spends years and years and years carefully cultivating a loyal following based upon simplicity, ignorance and fear. It gets a simple-minded, ignorant and fearful base.

World, the GOP is right in the middle of one of the most spectacular implosion displays ever. How can you not appreciate this?

And yesterday Rep. Neil Abercrombie (D-Hawaii) introduced one of these decorative resolutions, a little ditty entitled "Recognizing and celebrating the 50th Anniversary of the entry of Hawaii into the Union as the 50th State," because (now you know!) Hawaii celebrates its fiftieth anniversary in August. Yawn, motion passed, let's adjourn for dinner?

Not so fast…

[I]n this case, the implications of the resolution are much further reaching. That's because, as part of the 456-word resolution, Abercrombie is including the following line: "Whereas the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama, was born in Hawaii…"

Then the House passed this thing, 378-0! Which means… which means… well, which means Lou Dobbs's head is going to explode.

Unless, wait just a minute.

Has anyone actually seen Hawaii's certificate of statehood?

If it's such a ridiculous, moronic, imbecilic allegation, then why is the White House Press Secretary denying it?!

QUESTION: Is there anything you can say that will make the birthers go away?

GIBBS: No.

QUESTION: Do you want to try?

GIBBS: I mean, the God's honest truth is no. I mean, let's understand this. And I almost hate to indulge in such an august setting as the White House — and I mean this in seriousness — the White House briefing room discussing the made-up fictional nonsense of whether or not the president was born in this country.

A year-and-a-half ago, I asked that the birth certificate be put on the Internet, because Lord knows, if you've got a birth certificate and you put it on the Internet, what else could be the story?

Here's the deal, Bill. If I had some DNA, it wouldn't assuage those that don't believe he was born here.

But I have news for them and for all of us: The president was born in Honolulu, Hawaii, the 50th state of the greatest country on the face of the Earth. He's a citizen.

You see?! If you pay very close attention to Robert Gibbs's words, you'll notice that he says "He's a citizen," and not "He's absolutely definitely 100 percent a citizen." Aha!

Think you can evade the question with some clever tap-dancing answering of the question? Not on my watch!

I demand to see Barack Obama's mother's uterus!

She's one of those incredibly rational people who're willing to say what everybody else knows to be true: That the entire government of our country has conspired to cook the books just so that a foreign-born socialist could become president.

I mean, come on, it's Occam's Razor…

Well, that rambling tirade has convinced me. I don't need any more facts. Or any facts, actually.

And I'm not alone in my well-founded credulity…

Representative Eric Swafford of Tennessee has agreed to be a Plaintiff in a legal action of Dr. Orly Taitz, ESQ to demand that Barack Obama proves his eligibility.

If Rep. Swafford is on board you know this has to be the real deal. What would a Tennessee legislator possibly have against a black president?

Submitted by Nicola Kountoupes.