But that Glenn Beck, he's a different story! He's the King of Comparing Nazi-Sanctioned Pogroms Against Jews to Protesters Protesting Bankers' Bonuses!

Oh! So that's how political science works. It's just like Thomas the Train! Except a dumbed-down version.

I guess that the real take-away message is that fear over economic collapse leads to racists renting space in Madison Square Garden. Wait, what? I've really lost the thread of this. Why did I make myself watch this? Do yourself a favor and don't have watched that.

There is one good bit, though…

"If you add two elements, fear and hunger, people will listen to anybody who says I have the answer… When I say anybody, I mean anybody."

You don't say.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Salon's Alex Koppelman responds to Moulitsas's response by quoting — right from the congressperson's own website — all the good super-idealistic legislation that Kucinich has introduced to Congress these past 13 years…

"In Congress, Kucinich has authored and co-sponsored legislation to create a national health care system, preserve Social Security, lower the costs of prescription drugs, provide economic development through infrastructure improvements, abolish the death penalty, provide universal prekindergarten to all 3, 4, and 5 year olds, create a Department of Peace, regulate genetically engineered foods, repeal the USA PATRIOT Act, and provide tax relief to working class families."

Notice that the bio never actually says whether any of that legislation actually passed. In fact, according to the web site GovTrack, of the 97 bills Kucinich has sponsored since taking office in 1997, only three have become law. 93 didn't even make it out of committee.

Yeah, but I'll have you know that according to the rules of quantum physics (as I understand them) those 93 bills are doing fantastically well in some alternate universe somewhere.

But words don't need to be elitist. Let's take back words from the word-mongers! Let's re-brand them as something a little more manly, a little more American. Like, "info-grunts." Or "idehowls."

Stephen Colbert knows what I'm info-grunting about…

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

So much that he's willing to be the deciding vote against health care legislation. (Man, that guy's serious about passing health care legislation)…

"This bill represents a giveaway to the insurance industry," Kucinich told MSNBC's Lawrence O'Donnell. "$70 billion a year, and no guarantees of any control over premiums, forcing people to buy private insurance…I'm sorry, I just don't see that this bill is the solution."

Asked, "Did we just get a "no" there?" Kucinich confirmed. "If that sounded like a "no" you're correct," Kucinich said.

Pressed further, Kucinich suggested he was willing to be the deciding vote against health care reform. "Every vote counts. I'm one of 435 members of the House of Representatives," Kucinich insisted.

You have to give it to Kucinich. This is an imperfect health care bill going up before the House, and he is proving himself to be a man of principles. Strong, unwavering, stubborn principles. All of America should be thanking Dennis Kucinich for his principles. God knows we can use them.

"Principles" is a synonym for bandages and medicine, right?

You tell me what kind of a loving God wouldn't take offense at this kind of joyous display of human affection. Certainly not a Catholic God, as evidenced by this video…

Way to make a stand, Catholic Church! If gay people are allowed to not be treated like half-citizens, then no one gets health care! Everybody can just get sick and die from all the sinful pestilence that will be stirred up into the air, for all you care. I totally remember that part from the Bible. (It was right near the part with the unicorn, I think.)

Speaking of which, you know all the recent seismic activity lately? Turns out that those are all preemptive strikes against this abomination by the Lord…

"The lava under this Earth's crust is busting loose all over this place," [Westboro Baptist Church] member Tim Phelps told Fox News. "This nation is going to be utterly destroyed and it's going to be with fire."

Scientists!

Like, have you considered how it will affect millionaires like Rush Limbaugh?

CALLER: If the health care bill passes, where would you go for health care yourself? And the second part of that is, what would happen to the doctors, do they have to participate in the federal program, or could they opt out of it? [...]

LIMBAUGH: My guess in even in Canada and even in the UK, doctors have opted out. And once they've opted, they can’t see anybody Medicare, Medicaid, or what will become the exchanges. They have to have a clientele of private patients that will pay them a retainer and it'll be a very small practice. I don't know if that's been outlawed in the Senate bill. I don’t know. I'll just tell you this, if this passes and it's five years from now and all that stuff gets implemented — I am leaving the country. I'll go to Costa Rica.

Oh… my… God! We have to shut this down right now. Somebody get on the horn with Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi and inform them of this extremely real and terrifying development.

I don't know about you, but I do not want the loss of a national treasure like Rush Limbaugh on my conscience. Especially not for something as piddling as my fellow citizens' well-being. Not on my watch, people! Not on my watch!

And — lest you think Mr. Limbaugh's bone-chilling threat is somewhat less than sincere — remember back when promised to give up his palatial Greek porn producer-esque penthouse suite in Manhattan because he doesn't like having to pay taxes? Well, it only took him most of a year, but it's finally on the market.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

"My first five years of life we spent in Skagway, Alaska, right there by Whitehorse: Believe it or not, this was in the '60s, we used to hustle over the border for health care that we would receive in Whitehorse," Palin told the crowd.

"I remember my brother, he burned his ankle in some little kid accident thing and my parents had to put him on a train and rush him over to Whitehorse and I think, isn't that kind of ironic now," Palin added.

"Zooming over the border, getting health care from Canada."

Hey, man, it's not hypocrisy if it happened in the '60s.

Everybody was experimenting, right?

Massa's latest line is that Democrats, including Rahm Emanuel (whom Massa calls "the son of the devil's spawn"), forced him to resign because they knew he was a no vote on health care legislation. Parliamentary rules are complex, but is it really possible that the entire bill hinges on one freshman representative from New York? Who knows? All I know is, one time naked Rahm Emanuel yelled at naked Eric Massa in the shower, while they were both naked…

Massa said Emanuel came up to him last year, shortly after he entered Congress, while he was trying to clean up to give him grief about a budget vote.

"I'm sitting there showering, naked as a jaybird, [Ed. note: He showers sitting down? Is this common in men's locker rooms?] and here comes Rahm Emanuel, not even with a towel wrapped around his tush, poking his finger in my chest, yelling at me because I wasn't gonna vote for the president's budget," Massa said. "Do you know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man? … It's ridiculous."

He continued, "By the way, what the heck is he doing in the congressional gym? He goes there to intimidate members of Congress."

Whether any of this is true or not it certainly makes for good reading, so from an entertainment standpoint it's too bad Massa won't have a platform from which to spout his colorful opinions/conspiracy theor-

What's that?

A full hour with Glenn Beck?

Right. Never mind.

^{* Or CTRL+whatever, if you're a PC.}

Submitted by flasunbum.

Below, Jon praises the stand-up comedy debut of Sarah Palin.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Mmmwwwwffffffrrrrrhhh.

Can't… resist… must… post… crazy man's… press release… about… health care bill…

U.S. Representative Paul Broun, M.D. (GA-10) released the following statement [...]: "I don't know if we should be insulted or humored at the President's feeble attempts to incorporate Republican ideas into his latest health care proposal. Snookie, from the Jersey Shore, has more substance than President Obama's offer.

"Instead of listening to the American people, the President has once again demonstrated his arrogance and ignorance about what the nation expects from its leaders. This is "The Situation," Mr. President: the American people do not want unconstitutional mandates and job-killing tax increases [etc etc]."

Point one: It's Snooki.

Point two: If Paul Broun really wanted to use Jersey Shore to pick a fight with the president, he'd man up, get drunk, punch a wall, cry a little, make out with Obama in a hot tub and forget the whole thing in the morning.

I assure you, the last thing my voters need is some well intended, do-all-I-possibly-can-to-help-the-little-guy congressman running around Washington, working across the aisle, and fighting tooth and nail for jobs, health care, and financial reform to ensure their tax dollars never end up in the hands of banks capable of holding our entire economy hostage.

No, sir. My constituents deserve better…

Trust me: If you talk to an unemployed, uninsured mother of two in Greenville, she'll tell you that jobs and reliable medical coverage come a distant second to the crafting of meticulous talking points that deftly omit the facts and reduce what should be honest discourse about our country's future to a series of contrived, easy-to-digest sound bites designed to sway crucial independent voters.

They just don't make 'em like that anymore. Well, not counting the other several hundred in Congress right now.

So why didn't she appear on the America's Next Top Health Care Bill show yesterday? Turns out it's a classic case of his communications team says, her communications team says…

White House officials said President Obama had long ago told Snowe he wanted to include her in any public discussion about health care, and was trying to make good on that promise. When he saw that she was not on the list of members chosen by Republican leaders, he had [Rahm] Emanuel call to invite her, and did the same for Democratic Sen. Ron Wyden (Oregon).

But a top aide to Snowe disputed that account on Thursday. "The President never once in all their meetings or discussions ever told Senator Snowe she had an open invite to attend any future health care meetings," John Gentzel, Snowe's communications director, said.

Too bad. Just imagine how different this scene would've been if Sen. Snowe had participated:

Olympia Snowe: I am willing to consider ideas from both sides, if they are good ideas.

Republicans: Shut up, traitor, or we will shame you with more gimmick mail.

Olympia Snowe: Ayuh.

This is what they call "a game changer."

^{* Coincidentally (or NOT), Olympia Snowe's district was slammed with a massive wind/rain/hail storm last night, and now hundreds of thousands of her constituents are without heat and power. Some of them are even being forced to blog from a coffeeshop with 1990s-speed internet because it is 40 degrees at home and the flooded basement is starting to smell like death. No doubt Barack Obama ordered Rahm Emanuel to do this, too.}

Coverage of the summit continues below, including a via-satellite interview with Rep. James Clyburn (D-SC).

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

I think this press release from House Minority Leader John Boehner — issued mid-summit! — says all we need to know…

"No GOP Reforms Included in Democrats' Job-Killing Health Care Proposals" reads the headline of a GOP Leader Alert issued moments ago, as members of his own caucus sparred with President Obama over whether and how to allow health insurance to be sold across state lines.

"Despite the President's rhetoric, Democrats' job-killing health care proposals do not implement a single major GOP reform that would lower costs for families and small businesses," Boehner's statement reads.

It's like a sit-com. It's not particularly funny, and everything returns to status quo by the end of the half-hour.

Except this half-hour was six hours long.

"Never before have so many members of Congress behaved so well for so long in front of so many television cameras."

He's right! It's eerie!