Election Day

We know that November 3, 2009 isn't a real Election Day. But still, we can all pretend. Right? Take a look at these six elections and let us know how much you care.

No Fair Health Care

This former McCain campaign advisor on health care is going to loose his coverage. No, seriously.

Christie v. Python

Find out how to tell copyright infringement from quite a far way away by examining Rep. Chris Christie's campaign ad.

Daily Bloomberg

Watch these videos and take a trip down Memory Lane, where the flowers are always in Bloomberg.

Hillary Clinton

November 5 at 10:48AM

Somebody's Boyfriend Is the President

POSTED BY: Dennis DiClaudio

Here is a thing which makes perfect sense…

It's funny, me and my friends were just talking the other day about how somebody needed to make a video just like that. I hope somebody didn't overhear us talking and steal our idea.

On second thought, I suppose this was just bound to happen. It's kind of an obvious idea.

(via Videogum)

November 2 at 11:36AM

Hillary Clinton "Dr. Phil's It Up" in Pakistan

POSTED BY: Gladstone

Its 2009. Osama bin Laden is still at large. And, apparently, the United States' relationship with Pakistan is not paying the kind of dividends we'd like to see.

That's why Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is on a three day trip to Pakistan. And based on her rhetoric, she's taken a page from Dr. Phil for these talks

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said Friday she did not come to Pakistan for "happy talk."

Her three-day trip is aimed at getting frank, open discussions going about the fight against terrorism, and that includes presenting U.S. concerns about how much success Pakistan is having, she said.

In an interview with CNN, Clinton said it's time to "clear the air" with a key U.S. ally. She added, "I don't think the way you deal with negative feelings is to pretend they're not there."

There ya go. Pervez Musharraf won't be able to counter that. Especially not if she follows it up with a "So, you first gained power via a military coup… How's that working out for you?" Then when he's all, "You're not the same country, I did photo ops with eight years ago," she can be all "I can't help you, Pakistan. Only you can help you."

Faced with that kind of diplomacy, Musharraf's only option would be to Springer it up with a "It's my country, I do what I want!"

And that, my friends, is how we win this war on terror.

October 30 at 11:40AM

A Post About Hillary Clinton Which Contains a Lazy Joke About Bill Clinton and Sex

POSTED BY: Dennis DiClaudio

Here is the part of the post where you set up the important information about David Plouffe's upcoming book, in which he discusses how close Hillary Clinton came to being chosen as Barack Obama's running mate.

And here's where you throw to some more reputable website's post which contains a quote suitable for spinning a joke…

What surprised me at [our first meeting to discuss the vice presidency] was that Obama was clearly thinking more seriously about picking Hillary Clinton than Ax and I had realized …. At our next meeting, we narrowed the list down to six. Barack continued to be intrigued by Hillary.

"I still think Hillary has a lot of what I am looking for in a VP," he said to us. "Smarts, discipline, steadfastness. I think Bill may be too big a complication. If I picked her, my concern is that there would be more than two of us in the relationship."…

And here's where you make a joke about Bill Clinton and his probable comfortability with ménages à trois.

And that's how you write a post about the most important woman in American politics. (I think there's a certain sad poignancy in that.)

October 26 at 9:05AM

Barack Obama's White House Is a Beer-Swillin', Chest-Bumpin', Chick-Excludin' Man Cave

POSTED BY: Mary Phillips-Sandy

barack-obama-guys-basketball
Who is the dudeliest dudely dude in all of America? Dude, you even gotta ask? It's this dude, Barack Obama. So posits the New York Times, anyway, in a lengthy weekend story that opens with the provocative lede: "Does the White House feel like a frat house?" (Spoiler alert: chug, bro!)

The president, after all, is an unabashed First Guy’s Guy. Since being elected, he has demonstrated an encyclopedic knowledge of college hoops on ESPN, indulged a craving for weekend golf, expressed a preference for adopting a "big rambunctious dog" over a "girlie dog" and hoisted beer in a peacemaking effort.

"First Guy's Guy," what does this even mean? Is the NYT trying to subtext something about Todd Palin? Dunno, bro. What we do know is that there are no girls allowed in the clubhouse when certain things, like the economy and national security, are being discussed. (Well, duh. Girls just shop and release secret cryptographic algorithms all the time.)

More importantly, there are no girls allowed at the golf games Barack Obama plays when he should be working, or playing basketball. Except finally this weekend he let domestic policy adviser Melody Barnes tag along on the links, maybe because as domestic policy adviser she would bring cookies. Wait, no, that's a job for the communications team…

In the same week as [another fucking] basketball game, Anita Dunn, the White House communications director, hosted a group of women reporters for an off-the-record meeting with [senior adviser Valerie] Jarrett over chocolate chip and oatmeal cookies.

And I bet they had a blast, those lady typists, chit-chatting over cookies. It's what they want, right? The White House gals also get to work on health care, and whatever it is Hillary Clinton does, and they throw baby showers for each other. Doesn't mean Barack Obama is, like, afraid of girl cooties…

One Democratic media strategist says that while Mr. Obama does place women in important roles, his comfort level with staff members is not always perceived as equal.

So what? We know separate isn't equal, except for the gays, but the situation here is "non-separate but inequal," which is just what you get for choosing the lifestyle of two X chromosomes, anyway. Besides, Barack Obama is president! We live in post-racial America, and according to everything I've read, sexim is nonexistent even more often than racism is nonexistent, so obviously this is much ado about nothing that exists at all in the first place.

October 19 at 2:51PM

WINNER Caption Challenge: Hillary Clinton & Gordon Brown

POSTED BY: TheInDecider

Submitted by WIDTAP.

October 16 at 4:36PM

YOU DECIDE Caption Challenge: Hillary Clinton & Gordon Brown

POSTED BY: TheInDecider

Page(s): 12345678... 143 Older

CONTACT US

FEATURES

Johnston's Johnson

Before the end of the year, John McCain will stare into the maw Levi Johnston's penis. And he will weep.

Grand Ol' Census

That census form you just received in the mail is okay to fill out because it's not actually a census form!

CAPTION CHALLENGE

THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE

Robert Gibbs was Luke's father?

LAST WEEK'S WINNER

"Healthcare legislation is like taking a dump this big. Sure it may hurt, but once it passes it feels soooo good."
Sumbitted by: flasunbum

HEADLINE ANAGRAMS

Submit Your Anagrams

Help us find the secret liberal code hidden in, "Republicans Bask in Glow of Victories in N.J. and Va.". Submit your anagrams to this week's challenge!

INDECISION IS EVERYWHERE


Start following TheInDecider now!

POLITICAL ADDICTIONARY