You love Lou Dobbs so much. He's your favorite, and you've been simply beside yourself since he abruptly left CNN. You've tried recreating the show at home using makeshift puppets, but the puppets were frankly too coherent for it to be believable. No, it seems only the man himself can fill the Lou Dobbs-shaped hole in your TV. Fortunately, he was on The Daily Show last night. And if that still didn't satisfying your Dobbsian hunger, we now have an extended and uncensored version of the interview.

The interview continues below.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

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When anchor Lou Dobbs abruptly left CNN this week, it dealt a huge blow to the cable news network. After all, Dobbs's prideful bigotry and paranoia has consistently provided a balance to CNN's trademark vapidness and ineptitude. How they will maintain that balance without Dobbs remains to be seen, but in the meantime Stephen Colbert has called dibs on Dobbs's followers.

For more Dobbs coverage, The Daily Show's take on the news is after the jump.

The Daily Show and Colbert Report air Monday through Thursday starting at 11pm / 10c.

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By now, I'm sure you've all heard the sad news that Lou Dobbs is leaving CNN.

Because he's being deported…

Acting on anonymous tips from within the Hispanic-American community, U.S. Customs and Border Protection officials on Wednesday deported Luis Miguel Salvador Aguila Dominguez, who for the last 48 years had been living illegally in the United States under the name Lou Dobbs…

"Mr. Dominguez did not come quietly, but in the end he came," said Sam Whitlock of the U.S. Border Patrol, who was injured during the arrest. "He pulled a knife on me, like they will, and swore a bunch in Spanish and spit on us when we finally managed to grab him by the serape and throw him against a wall. But the important thing is that he's now back where he belongs."

I wouldn't worry about ol' Luis Miguel Salvador Aguila Dominguez. I have a feeling he'll be popping up on Noticiero Foxomundo before you know it.

Hey, you people cheering about the House vote on health care this weekend — have you read the bill? Have you even read the bill? No, no, no, not the bill the House passed. The other bill, the one Sarah Palin discovered in the feverish crevasse of her imagination.

That bill is absolutely terrible, as Ms. Palin reports via Facebook note…

We've got to hold on to hope, and we've got to fight hard because Congressional action tonight just put America on a path toward an unrecognizable country.

Okay, well, at least she knows we're not headed for Soviet-style health care. (Russia is one of the countries Sarah Palin can recognize.) But the bill Sarah Palin has read is still basically an act of domestic terrorism, as far as Sarah Palin is concerned …

We had been told there were no "death panels" in the bill either. But look closely at the provision mandating bureaucratic panels that will be calling the shots regarding who will receive government health care.

Look closely at provisions addressing illegal aliens' health care coverage too.

Yes, please do look at these provisions. Look closely. I see words like "Subtitle C, Sec. 347. No Federal payment for undocumented aliens" and "Subtitle H, Sec. 1786. Prohibitions on Federal Medicaid and CHIP payment for undocumented aliens." I also see words like "Sec. 1233, Voluntary advance care planning consultation" and "Nothing in this section shall require an individual to consent to restrictions on the amount, duration, or scope of medical benefits an individual is entitled to receive under this title; or encourage the promotion of suicide or assisted suicide."

But, like I said, those words are in the bill the House passed. I haven't read the bill in Sarah Palin's brain, and frankly, I don't think I will. I can't stomach horror movies either.

Twenty-four hours ago I wrote this silly list of the different public option versions we've seen floating around, and silly me, I missed one. Meet what a CNN headline writer is calling the "tempered" public option…

This version would allow doctors to negotiate reimbursement rates with the federal government, the aides said Wednesday.

The proposal would be a blow to Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who has argued for a more "robust" public option, one that ties reimbursement rates for providers and hospitals to Medicare rates plus a 5 percent increase.

But the votes aren't there for a robust public option, so the "more moderate" "tempered" "other" public option it is. None of those descriptors are catchy at all! How about we call it the "alternative public option"? That might appeal to disenfranchised youth. "Lite public option," on account of that obesity problem? Or, duh: "doctored public option."

By the way, in case you are confused, here is exactly why the public option has been de-testicled:

Democratic House aides said party leaders had yet to resolve long-standing disputes over provisions to prevent federal funds from being used to subsidize abortions and to block illegal immigrants from receiving benefits.

So good luck with your cancer or whatever as the costs of the [adjective here] public option get tied to the medical inflation rates that made a public option necessary in the first place. The important thing is that no money's going to those gals who receive the legal medical service of pregnancy termination. And no Mexicans, either.

Yesterday, on The Hill's Congress blog, Republican Rep. Brian Bilbray was good enough to direct us to Speaker of the House and fellow Californian Nancy Pelosi's scandalous assertions that every single one of our nation's immigration agents are "un-American" scumsucking scumbags. Or something…

Last week, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi repeatedly told a group of immigrants that enforcing American immigration laws was "un-American." Some of those in her San Francisco audience had no doubt criminally entered the United States…

Pelosi says enforcing the law is "Un-American" — I say her words are unacceptable. As a politician who has sworn to uphold the law, she makes a mockery of that oath with her accusations.

I don't know about you, but when I see just that one juicy word quoted amidst a bunch of paraphrasing, I get pretty certain that what I'm reading is in no way being propagandized. (And, besides, I'm pretty sure that only Republicans are allowed to decide what's un-American and what's un-un-American.)

So, I looked online to see just how not propagandizing Bilbray was being. And I found the actual in-context text of Pelosi's speech, given on March 7, about family-separating immigration raids.

And it's even worse than you thought…

That optimism, that hope, that courage, that determination of immigrants, of your families, when you arrived here, made America more American. You brought with you your tradition of family values, of faith, of community, of responsibility. How then could America say it's OK to send parents of children away? What value system is that? I think it's un-American. I think it's un-American. I want to join [Rep.] Luis Gutierrez [D-IL] in saluting the families for their courage, for their generosity in spirit — of spirit, to share their stories; Ivan and Guadalupe and Yvette for sharing their story about their families. Because no politician's speeches could ever be as eloquent as their personal testimony about what their family has experienced.

Who in our country — who in our country could not be moved by their stories? Who in our country would not want to change a policy of kicking in doors in the middle of the night and sending a parent away from their families? It must be stopped. It must be stopped.

My God! She talks as though these illegal aliens are humans, with thoughts and feelings like Americans. I certainly will not stand for this kind of gross ideaology of reasonableness. It's disgusting and un-American.

For shame, Madam Speaker. For shame.