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Because he's being deported…

Acting on anonymous tips from within the Hispanic-American community, U.S. Customs and Border Protection officials on Wednesday deported Luis Miguel Salvador Aguila Dominguez, who for the last 48 years had been living illegally in the United States under the name Lou Dobbs…

"Mr. Dominguez did not come quietly, but in the end he came," said Sam Whitlock of the U.S. Border Patrol, who was injured during the arrest. "He pulled a knife on me, like they will, and swore a bunch in Spanish and spit on us when we finally managed to grab him by the serape and throw him against a wall. But the important thing is that he's now back where he belongs."

I wouldn't worry about ol' Luis Miguel Salvador Aguila Dominguez. I have a feeling he'll be popping up on Noticiero Foxomundo before you know it.

That bill is absolutely terrible, as Ms. Palin reports via Facebook note…

We've got to hold on to hope, and we've got to fight hard because Congressional action tonight just put America on a path toward an unrecognizable country.

Okay, well, at least she knows we're not headed for Soviet-style health care. (Russia is one of the countries Sarah Palin can recognize.) But the bill Sarah Palin has read is still basically an act of domestic terrorism, as far as Sarah Palin is concerned …

We had been told there were no "death panels" in the bill either. But look closely at the provision mandating bureaucratic panels that will be calling the shots regarding who will receive government health care.

Look closely at provisions addressing illegal aliens' health care coverage too.

Yes, please do look at these provisions. Look closely. I see words like "Subtitle C, Sec. 347. No Federal payment for undocumented aliens" and "Subtitle H, Sec. 1786. Prohibitions on Federal Medicaid and CHIP payment for undocumented aliens." I also see words like "Sec. 1233, Voluntary advance care planning consultation" and "Nothing in this section shall require an individual to consent to restrictions on the amount, duration, or scope of medical benefits an individual is entitled to receive under this title; or encourage the promotion of suicide or assisted suicide."

But, like I said, those words are in the bill the House passed. I haven't read the bill in Sarah Palin's brain, and frankly, I don't think I will. I can't stomach horror movies either.

This version would allow doctors to negotiate reimbursement rates with the federal government, the aides said Wednesday.

The proposal would be a blow to Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who has argued for a more "robust" public option, one that ties reimbursement rates for providers and hospitals to Medicare rates plus a 5 percent increase.

But the votes aren't there for a robust public option, so the "more moderate" "tempered" "other" public option it is. None of those descriptors are catchy at all! How about we call it the "alternative public option"? That might appeal to disenfranchised youth. "Lite public option," on account of that obesity problem? Or, duh: "doctored public option."

By the way, in case you are confused, here is exactly why the public option has been de-testicled:

Democratic House aides said party leaders had yet to resolve long-standing disputes over provisions to prevent federal funds from being used to subsidize abortions and to block illegal immigrants from receiving benefits.

So good luck with your cancer or whatever as the costs of the [adjective here] public option get tied to the medical inflation rates that made a public option necessary in the first place. The important thing is that no money's going to those gals who receive the legal medical service of pregnancy termination. And no Mexicans, either.

Last week, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi repeatedly told a group of immigrants that enforcing American immigration laws was "un-American." Some of those in her San Francisco audience had no doubt criminally entered the United States…

Pelosi says enforcing the law is "Un-American" — I say her words are unacceptable. As a politician who has sworn to uphold the law, she makes a mockery of that oath with her accusations.

I don't know about you, but when I see just that one juicy word quoted amidst a bunch of paraphrasing, I get pretty certain that what I'm reading is in no way being propagandized. (And, besides, I'm pretty sure that only Republicans are allowed to decide what's un-American and what's un-un-American.)

So, I looked online to see just how not propagandizing Bilbray was being. And I found the actual in-context text of Pelosi's speech, given on March 7, about family-separating immigration raids.

And it's even worse than you thought…

That optimism, that hope, that courage, that determination of immigrants, of your families, when you arrived here, made America more American. You brought with you your tradition of family values, of faith, of community, of responsibility. How then could America say it's OK to send parents of children away? What value system is that? I think it's un-American. I think it's un-American. I want to join [Rep.] Luis Gutierrez [D-IL] in saluting the families for their courage, for their generosity in spirit — of spirit, to share their stories; Ivan and Guadalupe and Yvette for sharing their story about their families. Because no politician's speeches could ever be as eloquent as their personal testimony about what their family has experienced.

Who in our country — who in our country could not be moved by their stories? Who in our country would not want to change a policy of kicking in doors in the middle of the night and sending a parent away from their families? It must be stopped. It must be stopped.

My God! She talks as though these illegal aliens are humans, with thoughts and feelings like Americans. I certainly will not stand for this kind of gross ideaology of reasonableness. It's disgusting and un-American.

For shame, Madam Speaker. For shame.

Otherworlders Put Colbert on Border Patrol
Ken Ellis, DB Staff Reporter

The subject of comprehensive immigration reform is a growing presidential predicament these days. But Stephen Colbert believes that the recommendations to secure U.S. borders from "illegal aliens" should apply to those of the extraterrestrial kind as well.

"Mr. Colbert fully grasps the importance of dealing with those who enter this country illegally," said camp spokesperson Tracy Dugan. "But he believes that we should put into effect laws that will also govern refugees who have traveled from another world, dimension or otherworldly province, not just Mexico or Cuba."

Colbert may have a point, especially after that alien threat in New York City recently. And it wasn't so long ago that Prince Namor of Atlantis had threatened the wellbeing of "inferior surface-dwellers" that he generally helps defend now. Then there are the likes of Thor, Hercules or the Mighty Avengers' Ares; many critics have argued that these mythical gods walking amongst us only follow our laws until they no longer suit their own purposes.

That said, how does one tell otherworldly beings to step into line or exit U.S. borders without risk of finding themselves in the maw of a monstrous sea creature, or the smiting end of a hammer called Mjolnir?

Adam Kirshner, anti-mutant activist and one-time follower of Rev. William Stryker, shares the populist's concerns, even if some of them are addressed by the Superhuman Registration Act. "We needed to extend similar reforms with mutants long ago," Kirshner said Tuesday. "Their unnatural abilities give them reason to believe that they're above man's — or God's — laws. To this day, we're regretting that we never put the leash on that collar when we needed to."

"Mr. Colbert doesn't know Mr. Kirshner, nor does he share his bigoted vision," Dugan emphatically stated. "Mr. Kirshner is simply a hate-monger who wants to ride on the coattails of a presidential frontrunner."

For a special Colbert easter egg, check out She-Hulk #30, on sale today.

This week's image is from X-Factor #32.

Previous Colbert easter eggs:

Amazing Spider-Man #562, Secret Invasion #3, Ms. Marvel #27 and She-Hulk #29, Incredible Hercules #117, X-Men: Legacy #211, Young X-Men #2, Amazing Spider-Man #556, She Hulk #28, Incredible Hercules #116, Amazing Spider-Man #556, Secret Invasion #1

Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

Catching Up With A Loser! Aging another year means presents for most people, but on December 20, 2007, Rep. Tom Tancredo (R-CO) gave a gift to America by dropping out of the presidential race for his 62nd birthday! This shrewd move makes Tancredo the fifth entry in Congressional Confidential’s lineup of 2008 presidential losers.

The Colorado Congressman had staked his candidacy on the single issue of stamping out illegal immigration, promising as president to institute widespread deportations, build a 50-foot fence along the Mexican border, and personally investigate the kitchen of every Arby's in Texas until the last undocumented immigrant was found. Tancredo's campaign slogan was pretty straightforward: "Secure the borders. Deport those who don't belong. Make sure they never come back." Doesn't quite have the same ring as "Change We Can Believe In" or "John McCain: Redder Than Ever."

Tancredo complicated his message of an illegal immigration crackdown by turning out to be (isn't it funny how this always happens?) employing illegal immigrants for repairs on his home. He also won plenty of questionable press coverage by suggesting that the United States retaliate for any future terrorist attacks by bombing Mecca and Medina — which we assume would be coordinated with Al Qaeda's annual recruitment drive and telethon.

By late 2007, Tancredo was trying force other candidates out of the race by making desperate wagers, which failed to improve his chances but did result in Fred Thompson eating 85 hush puppies in ten minutes. With the odds growing dimmer by the minute, Tancredo finally decided to try a time-honored political "Hail Mary": Threatening to blow up an Iowa shopping mall. Shockingly, this failed to produce a bump in the polls, which forced Tancredo to enter his 63rd year as just another also-ran.

But cry no tears for this loser. Though he won't be President and he's not running for re-election to Congress, we're sure Tancredo will stay busy in retirement by screaming at Karl Rove, insulting the Pope, and receiving terrible service at Chipotle!

Since McCain has become the presumptive nominee, I have spoken at more than two dozen Republican gatherings. The sentiment everywhere can best be summarized in the words of one of the activists, "No matter who wins in November, we lose."

That's totally not true. What about if Bob Barr wins?

I'm sorry. That was mean. I'll be serious now.

Okay, so Buchanan and her party aren't particularly excited about a John McCain presidency, and aren't likely to turn out in force for a candidate that makes them sleepy. What about all those Democrats that hate Barack Obama because he's… well because he's Barack Obama? Does she think that they'll tip the election toward McCain?

Some pundits are suggesting that because Obama is having difficulty attracting Hillary's women and Reagan's Democrats that John McCain could pick them up. Not on the issues he can't. Hillary's women are big government feminists who are not going to be particularly impressed with McCain's commitment to conservatives to appoint Scalia-like judges. (It was a commitment, wasn't it?)

As for the Reagan Democrats they tend to be socially conservative, economically nationalist, working class white voters. McCain, on the other hand, continues to defend the very trade policies that have sent their jobs overseas. And he further alienated these Americans with his open border immigration policies that depressed their wages with cheap labor and ignored their plight while catering to the 20 million living here illegally.

So if he isn't going to attract these voters with the issues and we know it won't be with his charm, how does he do it? He doesn't. Obama does.

That's not being completely fair.

McCain can still pick up the coveted pissy, self-destructive, xenophobia demographic. They're "over 35,000 strong and growing."