When your grandchildren ask you why there was a war in a place called Iraq you can just smile wisely, repeat the headline above and shoo them off to play with their My Little Hovercrafts.

Yes, it seems our ex-president had a very good reason for launching a secretive war that cost thousands of lives and billions of dollars: he was on a mission from God…

President George W. Bush told French President Jacques Chirac in early 2003 that Iraq must be invaded to thwart Gog and Magog, the Bible’s satanic agents of the Apocalypse.

Now out of office, Chirac recounts that the American leader appealed to their "common faith" (Christianity) and told him: "Gog and Magog are at work in the Middle East…. The biblical prophecies are being fulfilled…. This confrontation is willed by God, who wants to use this conflict to erase his people’s enemies before a New Age begins."

Weirdly enough, then-President Chirac didn't jump at this opportunity to put on the armor of God and get a-smiting. Instead he said something along the lines of "Let me get back to you on that, Monsieur Le Petit Arbre," and then he summoned his staff, who sat around scratching their heads (in French)…

Chirac says he was boggled by Bush’s call and "wondered how someone could be so superficial and fanatical in their beliefs."

A terrifying and bizarre episode, to be sure, but at least it confirms something I've suspected for a long time.

French people aren't just surrender monkeys. They're also blasphemer chimps.

(via the heathen Andrew Sullivan)

Submitted by flasunbum.

The Vice President of the United States of America and the Prime Minister of the Republic of Iraq share a moment…

Leave your caption in the comments section of this post.

Remember when everyone was arguing about a "deadline" for U.S. troops to withdraw from Iraq, and whether setting such a deadline would be, in effect, admitting total defeat? And then the economy admitted total defeat and everyone got distracted/evicted?

Well, guess what? Tomorrow, Tuesday, the 30th of June, is the deadline for American forces to leave Iraqi cities. And as if on cue, here comes burrower demon Dick Cheney to grunt mournfully in the general direction of Baghdad…

Former Vice President Dick Cheney on Monday said he is concerned about U.S. forces withdrawing from Iraqi cities within 24 hours. [...]

"I hope the Iraqis can deal with it," Mr. Cheney said. "At some point they have to stand on their own, but I would not want to see the U.S. waste all the tremendous sacrifice that has gotten us to this point."

You have to understand: it was really, really hard for Cheney to avoid giving body armor to the troops. He sacrificed entire nanoseconds on decisions like that. And now we're throwing it all away.

No wonder he's having whatever the burrower demon equivalent of sad feelings are.

After taped appearances by Barack Obama, John McCain, Joe Biden, Sarah Palin, George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton, it came as little surprise to see George W. Bush pop up on last night's Colbert Report in Iraq. When you think about it, Colbert's week in Iraq would never really have been possible if not for W. I think we all owe our last white President a debt of gratitude.

Not sure what happened to Dick Cheney's tape. Must have gotten lost in the mail or shot to bits at close range with a shotgun.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.