Indecision Forever » Iraq

George W. Bush Invaded Iraq Because That's Where the Hell-Demons Live

Mary Phillips-Sandy — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 13:00:55 +0000

When your grandchildren ask you why there was a war in a place called Iraq you can just smile wisely, repeat the headline above and shoo them off to play with their My Little Hovercrafts.

Yes, it seems our ex-president had a very good reason for launching a secretive war that cost thousands of lives and billions of dollars: he was on a mission from God…

President George W. Bush told French President Jacques Chirac in early 2003 that Iraq must be invaded to thwart Gog and Magog, the Bible’s satanic agents of the Apocalypse.

Now out of office, Chirac recounts that the American leader appealed to their "common faith" (Christianity) and told him: "Gog and Magog are at work in the Middle East…. The biblical prophecies are being fulfilled…. This confrontation is willed by God, who wants to use this conflict to erase his people’s enemies before a New Age begins."

Weirdly enough, then-President Chirac didn't jump at this opportunity to put on the armor of God and get a-smiting. Instead he said something along the lines of "Let me get back to you on that, Monsieur Le Petit Arbre," and then he summoned his staff, who sat around scratching their heads (in French)…

Chirac says he was boggled by Bush’s call and "wondered how someone could be so superficial and fanatical in their beliefs."

A terrifying and bizarre episode, to be sure, but at least it confirms something I've suspected for a long time.

French people aren't just surrender monkeys. They're also blasphemer chimps.

(via the heathen Andrew Sullivan)

WINNER Caption Challenge: Joe Biden & Nouri al-Maliki

Mary Phillips-Sandy — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 16:00:44 +0000

Submitted by flasunbum.

YOU DECIDE Caption Challenge: Joe Biden & Nouri al-Maliki

TheInDecider — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 18:21:55 +0000

Caption Challenge: Joe Biden & Nouri al-Maliki

TheInDecider — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 17:09:58 +0000

The Vice President of the United States of America and the Prime Minister of the Republic of Iraq share a moment…

Leave your caption in the comments section of this post.

Dick Cheney: An Iraq War is a Terrible Thing to Waste

Mary Phillips-Sandy — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 19:00:52 +0000

Remember when everyone was arguing about a "deadline" for U.S. troops to withdraw from Iraq, and whether setting such a deadline would be, in effect, admitting total defeat? And then the economy admitted total defeat and everyone got distracted/evicted?

Well, guess what? Tomorrow, Tuesday, the 30th of June, is the deadline for American forces to leave Iraqi cities. And as if on cue, here comes burrower demon Dick Cheney to grunt mournfully in the general direction of Baghdad…

Former Vice President Dick Cheney on Monday said he is concerned about U.S. forces withdrawing from Iraqi cities within 24 hours. [...]

"I hope the Iraqis can deal with it," Mr. Cheney said. "At some point they have to stand on their own, but I would not want to see the U.S. waste all the tremendous sacrifice that has gotten us to this point."

You have to understand: it was really, really hard for Cheney to avoid giving body armor to the troops. He sacrificed entire nanoseconds on decisions like that. And now we're throwing it all away.

No wonder he's having whatever the burrower demon equivalent of sad feelings are.

George W. Bush Sends a Message to The Colbert Report in Iraq

Matt Tobey — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 16:22:16 +0000

After taped appearances by Barack Obama, John McCain, Joe Biden, Sarah Palin, George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton, it came as little surprise to see George W. Bush pop up on last night's Colbert Report in Iraq. When you think about it, Colbert's week in Iraq would never really have been possible if not for W. I think we all owe our last white President a debt of gratitude.

Not sure what happened to Dick Cheney's tape. Must have gotten lost in the mail or shot to bits at close range with a shotgun.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Sarah Palin Appears on The Colbert Report in Iraq

Matt Tobey — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 14:23:51 +0000

Throughout the show's week in Iraq, The Colbert Report has featured taped messages from two former Presidents, Bush I and Clinton, and one current President, Obama. Well, last night, they officially covered all their bases with an appearance by a future President.*

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

^{* My apologies to the 5% of Americans for whom there is no joke in this post. Please don't shoot me.}

Colbert Debates Don't Ask, Don't Tell in Iraq

Matt Tobey — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 14:19:35 +0000

As you're aware, the military has discharged dozens of gay Arabic translators, and I personally could not be more offended. When will we as a society wake up and allow Arabic translators to serve openly? As more and more states allow Arabic translator marriage, isn't it time to put an end to this arcane practice so that little Arabic translating boys and girls can live with their heads held high without the threat of bigotry

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Stephen Colbert Declares Victory in Iraq

Matt Tobey — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 15:01:01 +0000

When President Bush declared mission accomplished six years ago, it didn't quite stick. But maybe victory just needed to be declared by someone people could take a little more seriously. Like a comedian in a camouflage Brooks Brothers suit.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Saddam Hussein Was Shown South Park Over and Over in Prison

Matt Tobey — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 14:07:11 +0000

From The CC Insider…

The Telegraph has a new piece on South Park and its creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker, and in it, they reveal a pretty fascinating and hilarious piece of information…

Stone, 37, said both he and Parker, 39, were most proud of the signed Saddam photo, given to them by the US Army's 4th Infantry Division.

He said: "We're very proud of our signed Saddam picture and what it means. It's one of our biggest highlights.

"I have it on pretty good information from the marines on detail in Iraq that they showed Saddam the movie.

"Over and over again -– which is a pretty funny thought.

"That's really adding insult to injury."

Amazing, right? Yes. And think about it: If one of the most notorious dictators of the modern era was being held captive by the US military, doesn't it seem to reason that he would be under constant video surveillance? We need to find the footage of Saddam watching South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut to see if he chuckled even just once. This is what the Freedom of Information Act is for, right?

Watch a clip of Saddam on South Park.