What you may not realize is that inside the Beltway, the likes of Tom Brokaw, Michael Wilbon and company are considered second-tier celebrities. Sure they may have fame and fortune, but can any of those guys invoke cloture on floor debate or suggest the absence of a quorum?

For those kinds of stars, we want you to meet the men and women who keep Washington running… Escorts.

But also, here are some photos of us with members of Congress.

Here's California Congressman Henry Waxman, who celebrated his recent election as Chairman of the House Energy and Commerce Committee by purchasing a shiny new pair of platform shoes.

The hottest name in Washington right now (or at least since Rep. Virgil Goode (R-VA) lost re-election) has to be Roland Burris, the brand-new Senator from Illinois. Here he is caught off guard by a man wearing a wet cat on his head, whom he mistook for Governor Rod Blagojevich.

Sen. Olympia Snowe is a real nice lady who represents the State of Maine. She grew up in Augusta, moved to Auburn, but now lives in Falmouth, which is over under Cuxabexis down to the Penobscot County line, cross to Caucomgomoc, then get on a snow machine and head yourself down to Piscataquis… well… actually you can't get theah from heah.

We had a great time with Nebraska Senator Ben Nelson, who wants you to know that Omaha is the home of the College World Series and Warren Buffett — and is a great stopover on your way to Wichita.

And here is Florida Senator Bill Nelson, who is also a nice man. Although come to think of it, maybe this one is Ben Nelson, which would make the other guy Bill. We understand that this kind of confusion is always popping up between President Jimmy Carter and Dwayne "Lil Wayne" Carter.

Jesse Jackson, Jr. looked trim and fit at the Illinois State Society Gala, and the ladies on his arm would certainly agree. No doubt Jackson had just arrived from a 3 hour sparring session at Sugar Ray Leonard's Maryland gym, preparing for his upcoming prize fight with Rep. Michele "Rambo" Bachmann (R-MN) on the House floor.

The Blagojevich indictment states that during an Oct. 31 conversation, Blagojevich described an approach from an associate of Senate Candidate Five: "We were approached 'pay to play.' That, you know, he'd raise me 500 grand. An emissary came. Then the other guy would raise a million, if I made him [Senate Candidate 5] a senator."

But as it turns out, a mil and a half is a bargain for a Senate seat. The Club for Growth got out their calculator, crunched the numbers and figured out how much the job is worth.

Salary over two terms = $1.9 million

12 years as a lobbyist = $4.5 million

Pension until age 84 = $1.8 million

Which all adds up to a grand total of $6.2 million dollars. And Blagojevich was willing to let it go for less than a quarter of that.

I don't know if I'd vote for him, but I'd definitely buy a stereo from Crazy Rod's Home Appliances.

Chicago Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr., D-Ill., is the anonymous "Senate Candidate No. 5" whose emissaries Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich reportedly offered up to $1 million to name him to the U.S. Senate, federal law enforcement sources tell ABC News.

According to the FBI affidavit in the case, Blagojevich "stated he might be able to cut a deal with Senate Candidate 5 that provided Rod Blagojevich" with something "tangible up front."

I, for one, think this is an outrage. Jesse Jackson Jr. is a good and honorable man who would never do anything untoward. Why, I'd stake this big sack of cash I was just given on it.

Yeah, I mean right over there. In the Senate…

Minutes after the Senate opened at noon Monday for its lame-duck session, the only lawmaker milling around the second-floor elevator banks was… Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. (D-Ill.).

Though Jackson is a leading candidate to replace President-elect Barack Obama in the Senate, Illinois Democratic Gov. Rod Blagojevich has yet to make his appointment.

So what was Jackson doing on the wrong side of the Capitol?

"MSNBC," he said, explaining he had a TV appearance on the Senate side.

Nevertheless, it did seem Jackson was walking more slowly, checking out the Senate hallways, imagining what it might be like for him should he be tapped to fill the seat.

In other news, Sen. Hillary Clinton is going to take lunch over at the State Department today, in case Barack Obama is looking for her or anything.

And Larry Craig is going to go use the bathroom right now. Just in case… ya know… you might have to as well?

Last night, voters across America widely cast aside past racial differences and voted for an African-American president. Pretty amazing and transcendent, right?

Well, what if I told you that because of that incredible victory, the voters have ensured that the United States Senate, the greatest deliberative body in the world, will have no African-American members. Zero. Nada.

See, Barack Obama was not just the only black person running for president. He was the only black person in the entire Senate. And he was just the third black Senator elected in the last century!

When Obama resigns his seat (which will surely be in the coming weeks, to give his successor a leg up in seniority over other freshman senators), Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich will appoint a replacement. Previously, we told you that Rep. Jesse Jackson, Jr. is jockeying hard for the seat. But don't count on the governor to pick him.

After all, he needs to follow the will of the voters: no black Senators.

It seems that Jackson, Jr. is assuming that Obama will win the presidency and vacate his Senate seat, and he is eagerly maneuvering to replace him.

If Obama does vacate his seat, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich (a Democrat) would name his successor. There are a number of Illinois Democrats who would certainly be up for consideration, including Representatives Rahm Emanuel and Jan Schakowsky. Blagojevich has not commented on the matter, and needless to say a President Obama would be pretty influential in making the decision as well.

To his credit, Jackson, Jr. has an amazing number of details in common with Obama when he won his Senate seat in 2004, including…

* 43 years old.
* African-American.
* Distant, preoccupied father.
* Popular elected official representing Chicago's South Side.
* Problems with being associated with a controversial preacher.

Now all that Jackson, Jr. really needs to do to fully fill Obama's shoes is to obliterate a carpet-bagging Alan Keyes in an election, appear dozens of times on the cover of Rolling Stone, and be threatened with castration by Jesse Jackson, Sr.