If you're down on your luck in the Las Vegas casinos, you should consider an equally popular way to get rich in Nevada these days: Suing the governor!

Yes, it seems that taking Republican Governor Jim Gibbons to court is even more popular in Nevada than buying football picks from the Libertarian vice presidential candidate or getting robbed at gunpoint by O.J. Simpson.

In fact, suing Gibbons has gotten so trendy, it's happened twice in the past week alone! Gibbons' latest lawsuits accuse him of…

* Shoving a cocktail waitress against a wall in a parking garage and declaring "I'm going to rape you."

* Firing a state employee for blowing the whistle about the 867 dirty text messages he sent to the wife of a Reno podiatrist.

(And this will of course beget yet another lawsuit– an intellectual property claim from ex-Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, who already owns the patent on "dirty texting" scandals.)

So cash in Nevada! Every dollar you lost playing video slots and betting on the Dallas Cowboys can be reclaimed in just one single lawsuit against Gibbons. Cash, vehicles, more chips… it can all be yours.

Just don't expect the court to award you the governor's mansion. Gibbons' estranged wife beat you to that punch months ago.

Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

In recent weeks, Congressional Confidential has profiled a number of politicians whose careers have gone down like a five-figure whore on Eliot Spitzer (D-NY). The time has now come to check back in on them, and possibly roll them onto their stomachs to prevent asphyxiation. Here's how the past month's scandals have been unfolding:

Rep. Vito Fossella (R-NY) — When we last heard from Fossella, he was breaking breathalyzer equipment with a 0.13 reading at a DC-area traffic stop. This, along with the discovery of his shadow family in Arlington, Virginia, prompted the five-term Congressman to cancel his re-election bid. But now word has surfaced that Fossella is employing the same private dicks that snooped for O.J. Simpson to defend him in his DWI case. The gumshoes, who have also worked for John Gotti and Patty Hearst, have recently been spotted "refreshing the memories" of employees at Logan's Tavern, the Washington bar that ejected Fossella hours before his arrest. When told by Fossella that they also had permission to break kneecaps, the investigators declined, reminding the Congressman that he was the one named Vito.

Rep. Laura Richardson (D-CA) — Richardson made headlines last month when her third home was foreclosed by Washington Mutual and sold at auction. But in the wake of that scandal, word surfaced that the Congresswoman, who apparently receives accounting advice from Willie Nelson, once abandoned her BMW at a Long Beach auto garage rather than pay $735 to have it repaired. Richardson, a Long Beach City Councilwoman at the time, then began using a city-owned vehicle, put 31,000 miles on it in a year, and only surrendered it five days after she left office. While this is embarrassing news for a member of Congress, we hope that Richardson realizes that if she became a military contractor, she could be getting paid for this kind of thing.

Gov. Jim Gibbons (R-NV) — Gibbons, of course, is America's favorite homeless Governor, whose wife ejected him from the Nevada Governor's Mansion following allegations of an affair. Since we last reported, details have been trickling out of Carson City, and we can now confirm that the Governor did in fact exchange 867 text messages in six weeks with the wife of a Reno podiatrist on a state-issued cell phone. Ninety-one of these messages occurred in one two-hour block between the hours of midnight and 2am — which we assume was Gibbons's attempt to save the taxpayers money by texting at "off peak" hours. Still, even we Pages must admit that "dirty texting" is just about the most pathetic way to engage in a sex scandal. Just ask legendary Rep. Mark Foley (R-FL), who would argue that instant messaging is a far more erotic way to end one's career.

Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

Although the Rev. John Hagee told us that it only happened to heathens who engaged in premarital backrubs, it appears that disaster has fallen upon none other than Texas Governor Rick Perry!

Yes indeed, the official Governor's Mansion in Austin caught fire and burned on Sunday, leaving Perry (R) homeless. And while the hobos at the Fort Worth freight depot quickly mobilized to secure a discarded refrigerator carton for the Governor, a better bet is that Perry will crash with fellow Governor Jim Gibbons (R-NV) at his swinging Reno bachelor pad!

Now, in case you were making plans to visit the Governor in the Austin hospital's burn unit, you can breathe a sigh of relief since Perry was in France at the time of the blaze. Apparently he was there to convince the French to import more Texas-made products, such as brake pads and mechanically-separated chicken — the same excuse Benjamin Franklin used for his many visits to the land of snails!

Back in Texas, state fire officials suspect arson caused the blaze, and the list of suspects is long, including:

* Congressman and Presidential Candidate Ron Paul (R-TX), who is angry at Perry for traveling to Turkey and breaking something called the "Logan Act."

* Angry Texas parents, who take offense to Perry’s campaign to vaccinate sixth graders against genital warts.

* God, in spite of Perry's agreement with the Rev. Hagee that non-Christians are "going straight to hell with a nonstop ticket."

* The same faulty television set that committed an almost-identical crime in 1983 and was recently released on parole by a liberal activist judge.

One name we can cross off the list of suspects is hard rocker Ted Nugent, a personal friend of Perry's. "The Motor City Madman" was the featured performer at Perry's 2007 inaugural ball, during which he wore a confederate flag t-shirt, swung an AK-47 over his head, and instructed non-English speakers to "get the fuck out of America."

Given this personal history, insiders say the Governor views Nugent as a shoulder to cry on. In fact, when Perry collapses in tears at the sight of his charred mansion, we expect the only antidote will be the Nuge's gentle refrain of Perry's favorite love song, "Wang Dang, Sweet Poontang."

Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

This Week's Politician in Trouble! The Pages are sad to report that, while what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, what happens in Carson City becomes national news! Just ask Nevada Governor Jim Gibbons, who recently got booted from his official mansion to the gutter amidst a messy divorce.

Gibbons' estranged wife Dawn has remained in the state residence, however, using it as a bully pulpit to accuse her husband of cheating on her with the wife of a Reno podiatrist, an allegation the Republican Governor denies. We Pages don't know whom to believe, so we suggest that Gibbons take a cue from fellow divorcee Rudy Giuliani and crash on the couch at his gay friends' apartment until the storm blows over.

But even if he's staying at a fleabag motel on the Vegas Strip, we're sure the Governor will keep busy, most likely by writing angry letters to the Elko Daily Free Press and shoving cocktail waitresses in parking garages.

Still, this incident comes amid a streak of bad publicity for Gibbons, highlighted by his determined non-response to a Hepatitis infestation and his embarrassing loss of the state's entire education budget on the craps table at Caesar's Palace.

The good news is that Gibbons isn't up for reelection until 2010, which gives him over two years to figure out a way to sneak back into his mansion. However, look for a strong challenge from Democrat Jack Carter, who will run on a three-pronged platform of being Jimmy Carter's son, having an awesome MySpace page, and not being a national disgrace.