Here's an IM exchange from a few minutes ago…

Matt: http://6.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kqujb2p25H1qzp1zzo1_500.jpg [Ed note: NSFW]

Dennis: when did you get it done?

Matt: done?

Matt: it's a birthmark.

Dennis: it looks a little like billy carter.

Matt: you should just use that exchange as your blogpost.

Dennis: okay.

Because I'm that lazy.

What's happening in America today just makes me sick! Racists are citizens, too! What happened to their Constitutional right to behave like racists without being labeled as racists?

It's one of the most important principles on which this great land was founded…

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Jimmy Carter wins…

Former President Jimmy Carter took a swipe at rapper Kanye West's behavior at Sunday's MTV Video Music Awards, saying it was "completely uncalled for" and "his punishment was to appear on the new Jay Leno Show.

That guy is on a roll, picking off assholes one by one. (Though, I do think that punishment might have been a bit excessive.)

But, also, think about this: Kanye West — Kanye West! — has now been publically dissed by two U.S. presidents in one week. And he did that without threatening to explore the production of nuclear weapons.

Just goes to show you: We all have a chance of making our dreams come true. God bless America!

Joe Wilson defends himself — and all the white Americans who are showing such oddly vehement hatred for Barack Obama — against Jimmy Carter's ridiculous claim that maybe health care isn't the only problem they have with the president…

"That is such a distraction and a diversion from the issues that we should be discussing," Wilson told a Washington Times radio show Wednesday. "I really want to take the advice of President Obama, and that is that we should be discussing the issues, and that is what I intend to do."

First issue to discuss: Why it is acceptable to not acknowledge Barack Obama's legitimacy as president, and how best to manifest that opinion before the nation.

While America still lies on its shower floor, balled up in the fetal position, trying in vain to understand why Rep. Joe Wilson would possibly yell out "You lie!" in the middle of the Barack Obama's speech last week, former president Jimmy Carter has used all of his brains to think up a possible explanation…

"I think it's based on racism," Carter said at a town hall held at his presidential center in Atlanta.

Hmmm… That could maybe be an explanation, I guess. But, isn't Wilson from South Carolina? If I'm not mistaken, they're a pretty enlightened bunch of people down there.

And what about my Uncle Rex who's always yelling at the TV when Obama talks. He feels the same way, and I know he's not a racist, because he tells me he's not a racist every time he tries to explain how black people are genetically incapable of having monogamous relationships.

"There is an inherent feeling among many in this country that an African-American should not be president." The Georgia Democrat said the outburst was a part of a disturbing trend directed at the president that has included demonstrators equating Obama to Nazi leaders.

"Those kind of things are not just casual outcomes of a sincere debate on whether we should have a national program on health care," he said. "It's deeper than that."

Yes, of course it's deeper than that. It's because people don't want the country run by a socialist Nazi. Not that they have anything against socialist Nazis. In fact, they know this one socialist Nazi guy at work and he's kinda funny and really good at basketball. He's an okay guy, they guess. Just don't let that socialist Nazi guy anywhere near their daughters.

Hahahaha! Everybody likes to make fun of former President Jimmy Carter. And with good reason! He's so stupid and silly and failed to steer our government out of a terrible recession fast enough and lost his re-election attempt to Ronald Reagan! And he has a funny accent! And he likes to eat peanuts! Which aren't even nuts but legumes! What a stupid-sounding, legume-eating former one-term president!

What's that bozo up to these days? Probably something stupid and silly. Like building houses for poor people or winning the Nobel Peace Prize for being a dumbass.

Carter: I have been a practising Christian all my life and a deacon and Bible teacher for many years. My faith is a source of strength and comfort to me, as religious beliefs are to hundreds of millions of people around the world. So my decision to sever my ties with the Southern Baptist Convention, after six decades, was painful and difficult.

It was, however, an unavoidable decision when the convention's leaders, quoting a few carefully selected Bible verses and claiming that Eve was created second to Adam and was responsible for original sin, ordained that women must be "subservient" to their husbands and prohibited from serving as deacons, pastors or chaplains in the military service.

This view that women are somehow inferior to men is not restricted to one religion or belief. Women are prevented from playing a full and equal role in many faiths. Nor, tragically, does its influence stop at the walls of the church, mosque, synagogue or temple. This discrimination, unjustifiably attributed to a Higher Authority, has provided a reason or excuse for the deprivation of women's equal rights across the world for centuries.

Ha! What a dumbass! Taking a stand against Bronze-Age-esque discrimination! I'll tell you, that guy never fails to entertain.

I hope Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin rip him a new legume hole for this one.

(via Feministing)