Matt: http://6.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kqujb2p25H1qzp1zzo1_500.jpg [Ed note: NSFW]

Dennis: when did you get it done?

Matt: done?

Matt: it's a birthmark.

Dennis: it looks a little like billy carter.

Matt: you should just use that exchange as your blogpost.

Dennis: okay.

Because I'm that lazy.

It's one of the most important principles on which this great land was founded…

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Former President Jimmy Carter took a swipe at rapper Kanye West's behavior at Sunday's MTV Video Music Awards, saying it was "completely uncalled for" and "his punishment was to appear on the new Jay Leno Show.

That guy is on a roll, picking off assholes one by one. (Though, I do think that punishment might have been a bit excessive.)

But, also, think about this: Kanye West — Kanye West! — has now been publically dissed by two U.S. presidents in one week. And he did that without threatening to explore the production of nuclear weapons.

Just goes to show you: We all have a chance of making our dreams come true. God bless America!

"That is such a distraction and a diversion from the issues that we should be discussing," Wilson told a Washington Times radio show Wednesday. "I really want to take the advice of President Obama, and that is that we should be discussing the issues, and that is what I intend to do."

First issue to discuss: Why it is acceptable to not acknowledge Barack Obama's legitimacy as president, and how best to manifest that opinion before the nation.

"I think it's based on racism," Carter said at a town hall held at his presidential center in Atlanta.

Hmmm… That could maybe be an explanation, I guess. But, isn't Wilson from South Carolina? If I'm not mistaken, they're a pretty enlightened bunch of people down there.

And what about my Uncle Rex who's always yelling at the TV when Obama talks. He feels the same way, and I know he's not a racist, because he tells me he's not a racist every time he tries to explain how black people are genetically incapable of having monogamous relationships.

"There is an inherent feeling among many in this country that an African-American should not be president." The Georgia Democrat said the outburst was a part of a disturbing trend directed at the president that has included demonstrators equating Obama to Nazi leaders.

"Those kind of things are not just casual outcomes of a sincere debate on whether we should have a national program on health care," he said. "It's deeper than that."

Yes, of course it's deeper than that. It's because people don't want the country run by a socialist Nazi. Not that they have anything against socialist Nazis. In fact, they know this one socialist Nazi guy at work and he's kinda funny and really good at basketball. He's an okay guy, they guess. Just don't let that socialist Nazi guy anywhere near their daughters.

What's that bozo up to these days? Probably something stupid and silly. Like building houses for poor people or winning the Nobel Peace Prize for being a dumbass.

Carter: I have been a practising Christian all my life and a deacon and Bible teacher for many years. My faith is a source of strength and comfort to me, as religious beliefs are to hundreds of millions of people around the world. So my decision to sever my ties with the Southern Baptist Convention, after six decades, was painful and difficult.

It was, however, an unavoidable decision when the convention's leaders, quoting a few carefully selected Bible verses and claiming that Eve was created second to Adam and was responsible for original sin, ordained that women must be "subservient" to their husbands and prohibited from serving as deacons, pastors or chaplains in the military service.

This view that women are somehow inferior to men is not restricted to one religion or belief. Women are prevented from playing a full and equal role in many faiths. Nor, tragically, does its influence stop at the walls of the church, mosque, synagogue or temple. This discrimination, unjustifiably attributed to a Higher Authority, has provided a reason or excuse for the deprivation of women's equal rights across the world for centuries.

Ha! What a dumbass! Taking a stand against Bronze-Age-esque discrimination! I'll tell you, that guy never fails to entertain.

I hope Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin rip him a new legume hole for this one.

(via Feministing)

But you may be asking yourself: What's wrong with my old Bible, the one that Jesus descended from Heaven to hand over to George Washington after he crossed the Delaware? Nothing. That's Bible is fine. But this one's better. Because it comes with conservative talking points!

"This Bible is designed for the decent, hardworking core of America, the ordinary man or woman who loves this nation and believes it springs from godly roots," says Richard G. Lee, a Southern Baptist pastor from Georgia who served as the Bible's general editor.

"Christians have believed all along that this nation sprung from Judeo-Christian ethics. Now they can say, "Oh, now I know where this uniqueness comes from in our nation's history."'…

Lee sprinkles his Bible with some 300 articles about "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," the right to keep and bear arms, the war in Iraq and religious broadcasting.

It's so sad how many people forget that Jesus died on that cross to protect the 2nd Amendment. And his apostles could have shot him out of there if only they were allowed to carry a fully automatic assault rifles.

Anyway, I don't know about you, but I'm getting a kind of heavy bi-partisan — really, "non-partisan" — vibe off of this Bible which is so obviously trying to tear down the wall between church and state. Do you think that was Lee's goal? I'll bet it was…

His goal was to create a "non-partisan" Bible, but he quotes Republican Ronald Reagan more times than Democrats Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, Lyndon Johnson and John F. Kennedy combined.

In an interview, Lee said he doesn't even know if Carter, a fellow Georgian and longtime Baptist Sunday school teacher, is a Christian. As for President Obama? "I haven't seen any patriotism from him yet."

Plus, isn't he a Muslim? So, can he even be patriotic?

(via Pam's House Blend)

According to sources in the White House, President Barack Obama has been uncharacteristically distant and withdrawn ever since last month's two-hour series finale of Battlestar Galactica.

"The president seems to be someplace else lately," said one high-level official, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Yesterday we were all being briefed on the encroachment of Iranian drone planes into Iraq, when he just looked up from the table and blurted out, 'What am I supposed to watch on Fridays at 10 p.m. now? Numb3rs?'"…

In addition, sources confirmed that instead of meeting with Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner on Monday, the depressed president sat alone in the Oval Office, scouring Internet message boards for posts by other fans about the series conclusion.

I hear Jimmy Carter went through a similar funk when the original Battlestar Galactica went off the air in 1979. Same with Lyndon B. Johnson after F Troop was canceled and John Kennedy after he and his brother Bobby orchestrated Marilyn Monroe's "accidental" overdose.

Those Democrats sure do get attached to their little distractions, don't they?

That bit of disappointment aside, Nate Silver looks at how his approval ratings so far match up with other presidents this far in…

Wow, this is really telling. Only two slots below the great George W. Bush. That's pretty badass. On the other hand, he's just one slot above Ronald Regan. Yuck.

Check out JFK all the way up top with a 73 percent approval rating. Now there was a guy who knew how to make a house out of fellatio.

Delicious fellatio.

Well, it's March – the month that pays tribute to women. No, not by coming in like a lion and going out like a lamb, but by being Women's History Month. So we thought it would be a good time to pay tribute to all those responsible for creating the special historical moments that we're sure to see recounted over the next few weeks.

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Bernt Balchen (Amelia Earhart's flight across the Atlantic)

Flying solo across the Atlantic Ocean is no small feat. Especially in 1932. That's why Amelia Earhart was lucky to hire Bernt Balchen as her technical advisor. This famed Norwegian American aviator didn't let the social stigma of working for a woman keep him from plotting the course for one of the most famous flights in history.

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President Jimmy Carter (The Susan B. Anthony Dollar)

You can't think of the woman's suffrage movement without being impressed by the courage and foresight of President Jimmy Carter who signed the Susan B. Anthony Dollar Coin Act into law in 1978. For three full years, America were forced to sit up and take notice of these coins because even though they looked like quarters, they did not work in Space Invaders arcade games.

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William Gibson (That play about Helen Keller)

People don't want to see those with disabilities. Especially those afflicted with multiple challenges. It's easy to say, "let's ignore the afflicted." But William Gibson, using just his determination (and Helen Keller's autobiography) created the celebrated stage play The Miracle Worker. Now millions worldwide have heard the story of a handicapped woman and her dedicated teacher thanks to the talent and persistence of this one man.

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Walter Mondale (Geraldine Ferraro's vice-presidential bid)

Although this country may never see fit to elect a woman as President, when it came to picking a Vice President, one visionary Democrat had the courage to look traditional biases in the face and ask, "Eh, why not?" Walter Mondale, the losiest Presidential contender in history was a winner when it came to selecting a running mate who would ensure he was remembered for being something other than the losiest Presidential contender in history.

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John Locke (The Seneca Falls convention)

Perhaps, the greatest of all English philosophers, and certainly the leading Enlightenment thinker, Locke set forth principles of natural rights and freedoms that sent reverberations far and wide. One of the consequences? Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Lucretia Mott now could fill up their Seneca Falls Declaration setting forth the argument for equal rights for women with ideas beyond those they had learned around the spinning wheel.

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Phil Donahue/Dr. Phil (Oprah Winfrey's career)

Although historians debate if these two men have ever actually met, women everywhere continue to be grateful for the contributions they have made. Phil Donahue, with little more than some moxie and hard work, created a television template that Oprah Winfrey would mimic to become one of the richest women on the planet. But in her darkest hour — the infamous "beef slander" trial of 1998 — Oprah hired the valiant Dr. Phil who stood up to bigotry and intolerance by helping her win at trial while charging her lots of money for his counseling.

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President Barack Obama (Hillary Clinton's secretarial position)

Although Barack Obama is not technically a White man, we here at Indecision were struggling to find a seventh great moment in women's history, and we didn't want bigotry to get in the way of our tribute. Accordingly, even though he was able to defeat Hillary Clinton for the Presidential nomination, President Obama, stood down detractors and naysayers when he chose Clinton as his Secretary of State. Finally, the leader of the free world looked at a woman and said — for all to hear — "Yeah, okay."