The Washington Times is on the case…

Does the U.S. Constitution allow the government to require uninsured Americans to buy medical insurance or impose a tax penalty if they refuse? Congress has never before required citizens to purchase any good or service, but that is what both House and Senate health bills would mandate.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi dismissed the complaint Thursday when she was asked by a reporter if the Democrats' health reform proposal was constitutional.

"Are you serious? Are you serious?" Mrs. Pelosi replied.

No, Nancy Pelosi, are you serious about the Constitution? Is anyone around here serious about the Constitution?

House Minority Leader John A. Boehner said the argument could not be ignored. "I'm not a lawyer, and I'm certainly not a constitutional lawyer, but I think it's wrong to mandate that the American people have to do anything," he told reporters at his own press briefing last week.

Fuck yes, John Boehner! That's what I'm talking about!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta grab the license I don't have and drive my uninsured car the wrong way down this one-way street, because my 18-year-old brother needs a ride home from refusing to register with the Selective Service System.

Boehner chided Democratic colleagues for taking up a resolution honoring the ancient Chinese philosopher Confucius, suggesting it was "unacceptable" for the Congress to spend time on similar measures Tuesday while the economy continues to struggle.

"While Democrats get ready to celebrate the birth of an ancient Chinese philosopher, House Republicans will talk about our better solutions to create jobs and make health care more affordable and accessible for America's seniors," Boehner said in a statement.

On the one hand, it makes me really angry to see Congress busying itself useless nonsense. But, on the other, Confucius died nearly two and half milennia ago, and America's continued ignorance of his important work in fortune cookies was getting kind of ridiculous. (And just when are we going to get around to recognizing that Gilgamesh guy, huh?)

Why oh why oh why can't the Democrats be more like the Republicans, who don't waste everybody's time honoring dead Chinese philosophers. No, they would never do anything like that.

They prefer to waste everybody's time honoring disaffected ignorant racists…

Three Republican lawmakers on Monday introduced a resolution honoring participants in the Sept. 12 "tea party" protests in Washington D.C.

Oh, Congress. You so crazy (and incompetent)!

(via War Room)

However, House Republican leader John Boehner has yet to meet this American, perhaps because he has been too busy watching Top Chef…

"I'm still trying to find the first American to talk to who's in favor of the public option, other than a member of Congress or the administration. I've not talked to one, and I get to a lot of places and I've not had anyone come up to me — I know I'm inviting it — and lobby for the public option," Boehner said.

"This thing (the public option) is about as unpopular as a garlic milkshake," Boehner added, noting that he had not consumed such a milkshake.

Heavens no, John Boehner would never "consume such a milkshake." That would be disgusting!

Besides, I hear the lobbyist who owns John Boehner's apartment frowns on his kitchen experiments.

After saying he was inspired to read the Republican health care plan by the paper-waving GOP lawmakers at Obama's recent address, Grayson summed up his findings with a few simple pieces of posterboard.

"The Republican health care plan: don't get sick," he said. But, he added,"The Republicans have a back up plan in case you do get sick … This is what the Republicans want you to do. If you get sick America, the Republican health care plan is this: Die quickly!"

In the midst of this loud and divisive battle over health care reform, you really gotta respect that kind of sober and thoughtful debating (especially since he decided against using his original fourth placard). Because that's a pretty fair assessment of what Republicans wants for Americans, right? A quick

House Republicans were, however, shocked by Grayson's presentation. Heavens to Murgatroyd! Those conservative gentlemen had never heard such partisan promulgation! Why, they were practically struck down with the vapors…

"That is about the most mean-spirited partisan statement that I've ever heard made on this floor, and I, for one, don't appreciate it," said Rep. Jimmy Duncan (R-Tenn.).

Somebody get that man and iced tea! Stat! And don't forget the mint!

Anyway, you can bet your bottom dollar that the irony-enriched party leadership are going to take this not-at-all-Republican-esque affront lying down…

Taking a page from Democrats who disciplined Rep. Joe "You Lie" Wilson earlier this month, Republicans are seeking their own pound of flesh…

Rep. Tom Price of Georgia, who heads the party's conservative Republican Study Committee, was planning to introduce a "resolution of disapproval" over Grayson's behavior that mirrors one Democrats approved against Wilson. Michael Steel, a spokesman for House Republican leader John Boehner, said Boehner supports the resolution.

I'm so glad our Founding Fathers had the foresight to declare that Congress should be filled with adults.

Not many people get to sign their names to one of the [National Republican Congressional Committee]'s fundraising e-mails. Its chair, Pete Sessions, does — so does House Minority Leader John Boehner, and Rep. Tom Price, R-Ga., who's the leader of the House's conservative caucus. No one other than those three has done so since the end of June, at least not according to my inbox. But on Friday, Wilson did.

What's that? The guy who yelled nonsense at the President like a heroic junior high student signed his name to this fundraising email? Grab my checkbook and tell the kids to forget about college! It's Savin' America Time!

Yikes! I had no idea Barack Obama was trying to trick the American people into thinking that he's not the president at all, but a handsome television doctor like All My Children's Peter Bergman.

Don't worry, though, I'm pretty sure John Boehner's wrong on this one.

My guess is the guy who did all those stealth tonsil operations on the children of Pine Valley will turn out to be Barack Obama's evil twin.

Not that there's anything at all creepy about a holiday based on a dead man rising from the dead to revisit the people who ate of his flesh and drank of his blood a few days earlier.*

.

* For the sake of keeping this post on topic, let's just assume that that's House Minority Leader John Boehner inside the rabbit suit, okay? Thanks.

It kinda looks like anyway.

The plan is expected to pass, but that doesn't mean Congressional Republicans are happy about it. GOP leaders have been howling about dozens of line items in the plan, including this touchy subject…

House Republican Leader John Boehner issued a statement over the weekend noting that the stimulus bill wending its way through Congress provides $4.19 billion for "neighborhood stabilization activities."

Hm! That doesn't sound like the kind of thing that might help a country in times of trouble.

He said the money was previously limited to state and local governments, but that Democrats now want part of it to be available to non-profit entities. That means groups like ACORN would be eligible for a portion of the funds.

So if I understand Boehner correctly, Barack Obama's plan will involve writing a $4.19 billion check directly to ACORN, memo line: "Have fun committing voter fraud, xoxo BO." Is there another Republican who can tell me exactly why this is such a scandalous, sleazy thing?

Sen. David Vitter, R-La., told FOX News Tuesday that the money could be seen as "payoff" for groups' political activities in the last election. ACORN generally supports Democratic candidates and actively backed President Obama last year.

It certainly could be seen that way. Of course, it could also be seen as funding for the redevelopment of abandoned and foreclosed homes, but I like Sen. Vitter's way better.

His way makes me feel hot with righteous indignation, and it's like -10 today.

Asked how he liked [Obama's] speech, House Minority Leader Rep. John Boehner offered a lackluster, "It was good."

Whoa. That's the most emotion Boehner's shown in years! Meanwhile, Sen. Orrin Hatch could hardly contain himself…

"It started off a little slow, but it ended up being very poetic and very good."

Crazy.

They're probably just trying to inflate expectations.

Sunmitted by Shawn.