John "I have a secret child with a woman who is not my cancer-ridden wife" Edwards did not succeed in his mission to sabotage the Democratic Party's presidential hopes in 2008. But — as is becoming increasingly clear — it was not for lack of trying.

In his new autobimemoir of the '08 campaign trail, Obama's campaign manager David Plouffe recounts an amazingly gracious offer from the Edwards campaign…

"Listen. It's clear unless the race is shaken up, Hillary is going to win. You guys might not even win South Carolina. What would shake the race up is John ending his campaign, but not simply to endorse another candidate. All things being equal, John prefers Barack. They should announce they are joining forces and will run as a ticket. Edwards can vouch for Obama with blue-collar and Southern whites and is running on a change message.

"It's a perfect fit. And it has to be something that big to slow down Hillary. You need a big shakeup in the race and this could be it."

And he had the perfect big shakeup just waiting to be shooken up, didn't he?.

Ah, what could have been.

So Indecision asked me to write a list of women who have had infamous sexual relationships with political figures.
“Oh, like political mistresses?" I asked.
“No. More like Secret Girlfriends,” they replied.
“Secret Girlfriends? What? Why would you call them that?”
“Oh, no reason.”

#7 – William Rufus King
Senator from Alabama, Vice President under Franklin Pierce, and according to some, President James Buchanan’s lover. “Where’s my proof,” you ask? To which I reply, “Proof? Really? This is the internet.” In any event, Buchanan was our nation’s only bachelor President and he did live with King for quite some time. Need more? Well, apparently Andrew Jackson used to refer to King as “Miss Nancy.” So there’s that. Although I must confess that even in the 1800’s “Miss Nancy” seems like a pretty weak slam on a guy you’re trying to paint as gay. Is that really the best Old Hickory could do? More like “Old Dickory,” amirite? See what I mean?

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Tabloidy gutter-rag the New York Times ran, over the weekend, another juicy story about John Edwards, that guy who used to do PR for mills. Nobody likes John Edwards much any more, ever since he cheated on his dying wife and fathered an illegitimate child with Rielle Hunter and lied about it, which is why there are investigations and calls for paternity tests and all kinds of embarrassing things going on right now.

But according to the Times, which has a copy of a book proposal written by former Edwards aide Andrew Young, the most humiliating detail of all is this: John Edwards is secretly that "sensitive" guy you dated in college…

Mr. Edwards once calmed an anxious Ms. Hunter by promising her that after his wife died, he would marry her in a rooftop ceremony in New York with an appearance by the Dave Matthews Band.

Oh, Rielle. Honey. You can't buy a line like that. Face it, that guy is just going to get wasted on Natty Light and vomit on your couch.

Anyway, now that the jig is up and the feds are involved, music fans around the world will never get a chance to hear the super-special song Daaaaave was going to compose for the Edwards-Hunter nuptials: "I Cheated on My Dying Wife and Fathered an Illegitimate Child With You Oooh Crash Into Me (Harmonica Solo)." Such a loss.

* The Onion: Congress Deadlocked on How Not to Provide Health Care.

* Please don't let the idiot train leave for health care protest town without Michele Bachmann! She's a'comin'!

* Sen. Max Baucus is under attack from the YouTubes.

* Barack Obama's mother-in-law practices Santeria, but she ain't got no crystal ball.

* John Edwards is moving his little bundle of political irrelevancy closer to home.

What's takin' that sex tape so long?

Click here for larger image.

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There's been so much sexy sexing of sexy ladies by the sexy, sexy men of the Republican Party lately, I'd almost forgotten about the Democrat who put the 'sexy' in 'tawdry cheating' last year. And with better hair!

Thanks for the reminder, Daily News, plus visuals…

Former John Edwards aide Andrew Young says the ex-senator and his former mistress, Rielle Hunter, once made a sex tape, according to someone who has seen Young’s book proposal.

While he was unpacking, Young discovered a videocassette, according to the book pitch. Hunter had been hired by the Edwards campaign to videotape the candidate’s movements, but this one is said to have shown him taking positions that weren’t on his official platform.

Well, that's kind of a letdown.

Nothing's hotter than two consenting adults trying to achieve universal health care by creating regional "Health Care Markets" to let every American share the bargaining power to purchase an affordable, high-quality health plan, increase choices among insurance plans and cut costs for businesses offering insurance. Rrrrowwwrrrr.