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Matt Drudge somehow Drudged up a nice long chunk of excerpt from Sarah Palin's soon-to-be-released book Ecce Sarah: Why I Am So America. And — please allow me to tell you what I I am going to tell you — it does not disappoint. Not at all.
It reads like the best Sarah Palin fan fiction any Sarah Palin fan ever fictioned. Except this Sarah Palin fan is the biggest Sarah Palin fan of all: Sarah Palin (and ghostwriter)!
"Katie really likes you," she said to me one day. "she's a working mom and admires you as a working mom. She has teenage daughter like you. She just relates to you," Nicolle said. "believe me, I know her very well. I’ve worked with her."…
Nicolle went on to explain that Katie really needed a career boost. "She just has such low self-esteem," Nicolle said. She added that Katie was going through a tough time. "She just feels she can’t trust anybody."
I was thinking, And this has to do with John McCain's campaign how?
Nicolle said. "She wants you to like her."
Hearing all that, I almost started to feel sorry for her. Katie had tried to make a bold move from lively morning gal to serious anchor, but the new assignment wasn't going very well.
Don't do it, Sarah! Don't go in that room! She has a question about newspapers! Aaaaaaaahhh!!!
Oh my God! The drama! The intrigue! The betrayal! I'm on the edge of my seat over this very real-sounding, not at all soap-opera-ish account of how things probably actually happened in the real world.
I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but we're, like, a month and a half away from the end of The Aughts. What? Huh? Already? Really? How did this happen? Where has the time gone? (Better question: Where has my hair gone? I'm almost positive I had a whole bunch of it at the start of all this.)
Anyway, it's true. The decade is coming to an end. This might not mean much to you if — like a number of my friends — you spent the majority of it sleeping or drunk (or drunksleeping). So, if you wanna bring yourself up to speed before this all shuts down, here's a seven-minute wrap-up from Newsweek. [Spoiler Alert: It's been a kind of shitty ten years.]
In light of Tuesday's elections, one thing is abundantly clear: If you want your boring local election to gain unwarranted national weight and prominence, hold it in an off year. Better yet, don't even hold it in November. Move your deputy county comptroller election to April 2011, and watch it become a bellwether referendum on the future of all carbon-based species.
After the jump, coverage of the election results continues with The Daily Show.
It's a story that has become all too common in this country: A 51-year-old man, unemployed and facing the end of his employer-provided health coverage, will be forced to pay out of pocket for private health insurance, made all the more complicated by a preexisting kidney condition.
Who is this mysterious everyman? Oh wait, it’s Douglas Holtz-Eakin, former go-to health care guy for John McCain's presidential campaign…
[O]ne year after Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) lost the presidential election, the man who was by McCain's side as the campaign's top health-care guru remains unemployed — and his COBRA health coverage is running out.
What? OH SNAP!
Does this mean that finally, in a sort of magic, Freaky Friday-type scenario, some powerful opponents of public health care are getting a taste of how such issues affect the uninsured and under-insured American public?
Sort of. Holtz-Eakin may be losing his government funded health plan, but he still doesn’t agree with the reforms put forth in Congress…
The system is "broken," he said, but the bills now before Congress do not cut costs enough. On the campaign trail, Holtz-Eakin promoted McCain's plan to eliminate the tax exemption for employer-sponsored health insurance and give tax credits to individuals to buy their own coverage.
So really it’s more like Freaky Friday if, instead of swapping bodies back and learning lessons about the power of love, Jamie Lee Curtis had realized that being Lindsay Lohan was pretty ok, and they all just kind of dealt with it.
The father of Sarah Palin's grandson will go ahead with his much-hyped Playgirl shoot in mid-November "in order to get the pictures out for the holidays," a rep for the magazine told us. "We're working out the actual details day-by-day, and have come to a very happy conclusion, which we feel readers will be enthralled by."
Johnston's manager, Tank Jones, has said he's "90 percent sure" the shoot, for which Johnson has pulled in a reported six figures, will include full-frontal nudity.
Of course the spread is going to include Levi Johnston's penis. Of course! It had to happen like this. It was fated.
Now, the circle can complete itself. John McCain will, at some point, be exposed to that issue of Playgirl. Maybe an aide will present him with it on the pretense of Senatorial business. Maybe his daughter Meghan will casually leave it lying around her apartment when he visits. Maybe his wife Cindy will use it as research material in her ongoing attempt to understand human emotion. Who knows? But, John McCain will see Levi Johnston's dick. Mark my words.
And, as his eyes pass over the flaccidly dangling (this is Playgirl, remember) member of his former running mate's former almost-son-in-law, he'll be forced to consider what will no doubt be his greatest legacy, his most noteworthy contribution to this country that he loves.
It was he who inflicted this family of circus freaks upon America. He will know that. In that moment — with Levi Johnston's penis in his eye — he will know that with a profound weight of regret shackled around his neck.
America needs this moment to occur. America needs Levi Johnston's penis like we never needed any person's penis ever before.
Try as I might, I never quite understood the net neutrality debate. All I knew was nerds cared very deeply about it, so I assumed it had something to do with Cheeto taxes or Real Doll tariffs. But on last night's Daily Show, Jon Stewart broke it down into simple terms even a touched halfwit like me can understand.
In case you're wondering, yes, this exists. As does this. But not this.
The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.
Aay! May! Zing!
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It's a story that has become all too common in this country: A 51-year-old man, unemployed and facing the end of his employer-provided health coverage, will be forced to pay out of pocket for private health insurance, made all the more complicated by a preexisting kidney condition.
