Matt Drudge somehow Drudged up a nice long chunk of excerpt from Sarah Palin's soon-to-be-released book Ecce Sarah: Why I Am So America. And — please allow me to tell you what I I am going to tell you — it does not disappoint. Not at all.

It reads like the best Sarah Palin fan fiction any Sarah Palin fan ever fictioned. Except this Sarah Palin fan is the biggest Sarah Palin fan of all: Sarah Palin (and ghostwriter)!

Check out this part where Sarah magnanimously deigns to get interviewed by dowdy loser Katie Couric…

"Katie really likes you," she said to me one day. "she's a working mom and admires you as a working mom. She has teenage daughter like you. She just relates to you," Nicolle said. "believe me, I know her very well. I’ve worked with her."…

Nicolle went on to explain that Katie really needed a career boost. "She just has such low self-esteem," Nicolle said. She added that Katie was going through a tough time. "She just feels she can’t trust anybody."

I was thinking, And this has to do with John McCain's campaign how?

Nicolle said. "She wants you to like her."

Hearing all that, I almost started to feel sorry for her. Katie had tried to make a bold move from lively morning gal to serious anchor, but the new assignment wasn't going very well.

Don't do it, Sarah! Don't go in that room! She has a question about newspapers! Aaaaaaaahhh!!!

Oh my God! The drama! The intrigue! The betrayal! I'm on the edge of my seat over this very real-sounding, not at all soap-opera-ish account of how things probably actually happened in the real world.

Anyway, it's true. The decade is coming to an end. This might not mean much to you if — like a number of my friends — you spent the majority of it sleeping or drunk (or drunksleeping). So, if you wanna bring yourself up to speed before this all shuts down, here's a seven-minute wrap-up from Newsweek. [Spoiler Alert: It's been a kind of shitty ten years.]

After the jump, coverage of the election results continues with The Daily Show.

The Daily Show and Colbert Report air Monday through Thursday starting at 11pm / 10c.

It's a story that has become all too common in this country: A 51-year-old man, unemployed and facing the end of his employer-provided health coverage, will be forced to pay out of pocket for private health insurance, made all the more complicated by a preexisting kidney condition.

Who is this mysterious everyman? Oh wait, it’s Douglas Holtz-Eakin, former go-to health care guy for John McCain's presidential campaign…

[O]ne year after Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) lost the presidential election, the man who was by McCain's side as the campaign's top health-care guru remains unemployed — and his COBRA health coverage is running out.

What? OH SNAP!

Does this mean that finally, in a sort of magic, Freaky Friday-type scenario, some powerful opponents of public health care are getting a taste of how such issues affect the uninsured and under-insured American public?

Sort of. Holtz-Eakin may be losing his government funded health plan, but he still doesn’t agree with the reforms put forth in Congress…

The system is "broken," he said, but the bills now before Congress do not cut costs enough. On the campaign trail, Holtz-Eakin promoted McCain's plan to eliminate the tax exemption for employer-sponsored health insurance and give tax credits to individuals to buy their own coverage.

So really it’s more like Freaky Friday if, instead of swapping bodies back and learning lessons about the power of love, Jamie Lee Curtis had realized that being Lindsay Lohan was pretty ok, and they all just kind of dealt with it.

The father of Sarah Palin's grandson will go ahead with his much-hyped Playgirl shoot in mid-November "in order to get the pictures out for the holidays," a rep for the magazine told us. "We're working out the actual details day-by-day, and have come to a very happy conclusion, which we feel readers will be enthralled by."

Johnston's manager, Tank Jones, has said he's "90 percent sure" the shoot, for which Johnson has pulled in a reported six figures, will include full-frontal nudity.

Of course the spread is going to include Levi Johnston's penis. Of course! It had to happen like this. It was fated.

Now, the circle can complete itself. John McCain will, at some point, be exposed to that issue of Playgirl. Maybe an aide will present him with it on the pretense of Senatorial business. Maybe his daughter Meghan will casually leave it lying around her apartment when he visits. Maybe his wife Cindy will use it as research material in her ongoing attempt to understand human emotion. Who knows? But, John McCain will see Levi Johnston's dick. Mark my words.

And, as his eyes pass over the flaccidly dangling (this is Playgirl, remember) member of his former running mate's former almost-son-in-law, he'll be forced to consider what will no doubt be his greatest legacy, his most noteworthy contribution to this country that he loves.

It was he who inflicted this family of circus freaks upon America. He will know that. In that moment — with Levi Johnston's penis in his eye — he will know that with a profound weight of regret shackled around his neck.

America needs this moment to occur. America needs Levi Johnston's penis like we never needed any person's penis ever before.

In case you're wondering, yes, this exists. As does this. But not this.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

John McCain is fighting for your freedom to impose your will upon the masses! Go, America!

McCain's bill, the Internet Freedom Act, would block the Federal Communications Commission from making Net neutrality the law of the land. The rule preventing ISPs from slowing down certain types of content would create "onerous federal regulation," McCain argued in a written statement.

According to a report at NetworkWorld, McCain "called the proposed Net neutrality rules a 'government takeover' of the Internet that will stifle innovation and depress an 'already anemic' job market in the US."

But supporters of Net neutrality argue that the rule is needed to ensure that Internet providers don't censor content, or slow down traffic to Web sites that are in competition with their business allies.

Come on now? Who are you going to believe on this? Some person who knows how to use a computer? Or John McCain?

"I think that she has talents, but my honest view is that she would not be a winning candidate for the Republican Party in 2012, and in fact, were she to be the nominee, we would have a catastrophic election result."

Now hold your horses, Palinphiles, Steve Schmidt didn't say your gal couldn't get elected in 2012. He just said she would not be a winning candidate for the Republican Party. So what? George W. Bush helped make 'GOP' a synonym for 'incompetent losers,' and we elected him twice.

Besides, if Sarah Palin is the Republican nominee and we wind up with a "catastrophic election result," I'm pretty sure that means she's moving into the White House.

These incidents were widely seen as gaffes, or "Bidens," but I'm starting to wonder if Carly Fiorina doesn't have some sort of secret blueprint for politics that only she can understand. For example, see the screenshot above? That is Carly Fiorina's new website, because — having done so well helping John McCain win the White House — our gal C.Fi is possibly maybe challenging Democrat Barbara Boxer for her California Senate seat.

Oh, it gets better…

"It's Day and Night," the bright red Web site reads. "It's Dogs and Cats. It's Good and Bad. It's Carly vs. Boxer."

"It's the most singularly awful political website I have ever seen, and I am including all the old, basic HTML websites that were the rage 10 years ago," conservative blogger John Hawkins of the site RightWingNews.com said in an e-mail to CNN.

Well yes, of course it's awful. Don't you see? As a businessperson, Carly Fiorina understands the importance of branding.

And this is the perfect representation of her brand: being incredibly bad at everything^TM.

Submitted by Garret.