As a expatriate Philadelphian, I thought I couldn't possibly be any more disgusted after having to endure last night's game (and its aftermath) in the middle of Queens.

I was wrong…

If there's one thing that could bring Keith Olbermann and Sean Hannity together (apart from the occasional CNN-bashing), it's baseball…

Olbermann wrote about the game on his MLBlog, where he said of Hannity, "And lastly, a reminder that baseball does erase boundaries. The guy I'm taking a photo of, who's taking a photo of me – we get along perfectly at the ballpark – less so during our day jobs."

Sean Hannity and Keith Olbermann: big, big Yankees fans. That pretty much says it all.

Now, if you'll excuse me, this bowl of sour grapes isn't going to eat itself.

Uh oh! Have you heard? Glenn Beck is unleashing his army of true blue American patriots to go out into the world and drum up some bad news for Obama's picks for Information and Regulatory Czar, FCC Diversity Czar and Energy Czar…

Watch Dogs: FIND EVERYTHING YOU CAN ON CASS SUNSTEIN, MARK LLOYD AND CAROL BROWNER. Do not link before burning to disc.

He's rebelling against a bunch of czars! I've never heard of anything so non-Bolshevik-sounding. Hopefully, he'll draw blood by sometime next month. Then he and his comrades can celebrate their own Red October like real American patriots.

So, what's the progressive movement to do in the face of such brazenly douche-like behavior? Luckily, it has MSNBC's Keith Olbermann around to douche-taliate by taking the high road and asking Americans go out and dig up harmful personal information on Beck as well as other non-government-employees…

I don't know why I've got this phrasing in my head, but: Find everything you can about Glenn Beck,  [Beck's radio producer] Stu Burguiere, and [Fox News president] Roger Ailes… Tuesday we will expand this to the television audience and have a dedicated email address to accept leads, tips, contacts…

This becomes necessary after this in order to prove various cliches about goose and gander, and to remind everybody to walk softly and carry a big popsicle, and most particularly to save this nation from the Oligarhy of The Stupid.

I can't say exactly why, but this whole thing puts me in mind of that new human centipede movie.

Dan Savage was on The Countdown with Keith Olbermann (starting about three minutes into this clip), talking about the three-way intersection of the GOP's opposition to health care, misguided religious fervor and full-asshole total insanity…

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At around the seven-minute mark, he hits what I think is the thesis statement of his argument…

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* Somebody at the White House is obviously less than a million years old.

* John Oliver is the Usain Bolt of making fun of Glenn Beck.

* Remembering the Kennedy boys: Who was the most do-able?

* Behind every great Massachusetts politician is about 800 or 900 women.

* Keith Olbermann's quest to become the liberal Bill O'Reilly is going exactly according to plan.

* But do these conservative politicians really love Chuck Norris for Chuck Norris?

* Keith Olbermann predicts zombies in America's future.

* An open letter to Old People from Young People: "We don't want to kill you."

* Jesus fired from Kentucky Office of Homeland Security.

* What is best in life? To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to keep your Conan the Barbarian sword in the governor's office.

* Ugh! I don't wanna read The Death Book. Can't I just wait for The Death Movie to come out?

Some old man in the Midwest doesn't like Barack Obama's plan for health care reform. Oh, no. He doesn't like it one bit.

Why should you care? Well, you shouldn't.

But why should you pretend to care? Because the old man happens to be Barack Obama's former doctor from back in Chicago…

Dr. David Scheiner, a 70-year Chicago-based physician who treated Obama for more than 20 years, said he was disheartened by the health care legislation his former patient is championing, calling it piecemeal and ineffectual.

"I look at his program and I can't see how it's going to work," Scheiner told the Huffington Post. "He has no cost control. There would be no effective cost control in his program. The [Congressional Budget Office] said it's going be incredibly expensive… and the thing that I really am worried about is, if it is the failure that I think it would be, then health reform will be set back a long, long time."

I'm sure that this Dr. Scheiner guy — like the vast majority of people on the planet — has a much more comprehensive understanding of the intricacies of reforming the health care system than I do.

But if having an intimate relationship with the President's rectum qualifies you as an expert in health care reform, then why aren't we all just deferring to Keith Olbermann?

See also: David Scheiner interviewed by Amy Goodman on Democracy Now!