I was wrong…

If there's one thing that could bring Keith Olbermann and Sean Hannity together (apart from the occasional CNN-bashing), it's baseball…

Olbermann wrote about the game on his MLBlog, where he said of Hannity, "And lastly, a reminder that baseball does erase boundaries. The guy I'm taking a photo of, who's taking a photo of me – we get along perfectly at the ballpark – less so during our day jobs."

Sean Hannity and Keith Olbermann: big, big Yankees fans. That pretty much says it all.

Now, if you'll excuse me, this bowl of sour grapes isn't going to eat itself.

Watch Dogs: FIND EVERYTHING YOU CAN ON CASS SUNSTEIN, MARK LLOYD AND CAROL BROWNER. Do not link before burning to disc.

He's rebelling against a bunch of czars! I've never heard of anything so non-Bolshevik-sounding. Hopefully, he'll draw blood by sometime next month. Then he and his comrades can celebrate their own Red October like real American patriots.

So, what's the progressive movement to do in the face of such brazenly douche-like behavior? Luckily, it has MSNBC's Keith Olbermann around to douche-taliate by taking the high road and asking Americans go out and dig up harmful personal information on Beck as well as other non-government-employees…

I don't know why I've got this phrasing in my head, but: Find everything you can about Glenn Beck,  [Beck's radio producer] Stu Burguiere, and [Fox News president] Roger Ailes… Tuesday we will expand this to the television audience and have a dedicated email address to accept leads, tips, contacts…

This becomes necessary after this in order to prove various cliches about goose and gander, and to remind everybody to walk softly and carry a big popsicle, and most particularly to save this nation from the Oligarhy of The Stupid.

I can't say exactly why, but this whole thing puts me in mind of that new human centipede movie.

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At around the seven-minute mark, he hits what I think is the thesis statement of his argument…

"I really do think that the Michele Bachmanns of the world and the Glenn Becks of the world are actively and consciously, or subconsciously, trying to get — I'm just going to say it — trying to get the president killed.

That's why they're setting this up as kill or be killed arguments. 'He's gonna kill your grandma,' 'pull the plug on grandma,' 'death panels that little children have to go in front of.'"

In response, M.J. Rosenberg, over at TPMCafe, remembers Yitzhak Rabin, the former Prime Minister of Israel who was assassinated in 1995…

Democrats and the media should challenge any rightwing hint that sounds like a call to assassination. If that is not what they want, they should be forced to say it isn't.

Remember Rabin. First came the incitement (Netanyahu spoke at a rally where Rabin was portrayed as an Arab terrorist and as a Nazi). Then the religious nuts held ceremonies praying for Rabin's death. Finally, murder.

Asked about who she blamed for her husband's death, Leah Rabin said, "the right. They kept screaming he was selling out the country. Of course, I blame them."

Oh, well, that doesn't sound anything like what's happening at these town hall meetings. Whew! Everybody can just relax now, I guess.

* Somebody at the White House is obviously less than a million years old.

* John Oliver is the Usain Bolt of making fun of Glenn Beck.

* Remembering the Kennedy boys: Who was the most do-able?

* Behind every great Massachusetts politician is about 800 or 900 women.

* Keith Olbermann's quest to become the liberal Bill O'Reilly is going exactly according to plan.

* But do these conservative politicians really love Chuck Norris for Chuck Norris?

* Keith Olbermann predicts zombies in America's future.

* An open letter to Old People from Young People: "We don't want to kill you."

* Jesus fired from Kentucky Office of Homeland Security.

* What is best in life? To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to keep your Conan the Barbarian sword in the governor's office.

* Ugh! I don't wanna read The Death Book. Can't I just wait for The Death Movie to come out?

Why should you care? Well, you shouldn't.

But why should you pretend to care? Because the old man happens to be Barack Obama's former doctor from back in Chicago…

Dr. David Scheiner, a 70-year Chicago-based physician who treated Obama for more than 20 years, said he was disheartened by the health care legislation his former patient is championing, calling it piecemeal and ineffectual.

"I look at his program and I can't see how it's going to work," Scheiner told the Huffington Post. "He has no cost control. There would be no effective cost control in his program. The [Congressional Budget Office] said it's going be incredibly expensive… and the thing that I really am worried about is, if it is the failure that I think it would be, then health reform will be set back a long, long time."

I'm sure that this Dr. Scheiner guy — like the vast majority of people on the planet — has a much more comprehensive understanding of the intricacies of reforming the health care system than I do.

But if having an intimate relationship with the President's rectum qualifies you as an expert in health care reform, then why aren't we all just deferring to Keith Olbermann?

See also: David Scheiner interviewed by Amy Goodman on Democracy Now!

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Keith Olbermann — not one to miss out on an opportunity to be loud and self-righteous — jumped right in and offered to give $1,000 of his own money to military families for every second of aquatic good time fun Hannity could endure.

Sean Hannity, obviously, never mentioned it again.

So, Olbermann found a Hannity-lite — conservative radio host/bovine lycanthrope Mancow Muller — to get waterboarded in Hannity's stead in exchange for precious, precious ratings.

You'll never guess what conclusion the Mancow came to…

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The best part is where Mancow says Sean Hannity called him up and said — despite everything else — that it's still not torture.

No, actually, the best part is when Sean Hannity tripped and fell off the Earth and flew into space and nobody ever saw him again because he was sucked into a black hole. That's my favorite, favorite part.

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I really don't know whose interests Prejean serving more during all this nonsense: the anti-gay marriage camp, as its first official long-suffering martyr; or the pro-gay marriage camp, as a dumb-as-rocks face of religiously-motivated lock-step intolerance.

All I really do know is that I hate Perez Hilton even more now for having elevated this moron into the upper-echelon of ring-wing thinkers, alongside such luminaries as Joe the Plumber, Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck.