Mitt Romney to Laura Ingraham…

"I can confirm, Laura, that I do have a soul."

I, personally, prefer this without context, but if you must.

Bill O'Reilly and Laura Ingraham had an on-air dust-up over one of O'Reilly's apparent character flaw, namely his lack of blind vehement hatred for anyone named Obama…

Ingraham: I'm gushing over your gushing last night about the Christmas party. I'm still trying to get over that.

O'Reilly: Wait, a minute. I'm going to call you — I'm calling you out on this…. I thought [Michelle Obama] was very nice at the party… You are a blind ideologue who even if somebody's nice to you, won't admit it because you're talking about a Kool-aid drinker… You have an IV attached to your arm on the Kool-aid.

When Bill O'Reilly is one of the most reasonable talking heads on your new network, it means you're either an incredible failure or an incredible success, depending upon what your long-term goals are.

Roger Ailes — I think it's safe to say — is a huge, huge success.

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Next year, Godwin's Law will turn 20 years old. And if you're worried that using the Holocaust as a lazy rhetorical tool might be going out of fashion, well you must be a fucking Nazi! Laura Ingraham knows what I'm talking about.

Click here to watch this full episode. The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Leaders from all over the world are in Denmark this week to discuss climate change, which a broad consensus of scientists agrees is not up for debate. Of course, as noted climatologist Sean Hannity recently pointed out, climate change is probably hooey because it snowed in Houston last week, and that hasn't happened in nearly 52 weeks!

Click here to watch this full episode. The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

It's a Christmas miracle! According to her communications department Facebook, Sarah Palin has decided to auction off the red zip-up jacket she wore on the cover of Going Rogue, for charity. Yes, the actual self-same jacket, maybe with some hairs stuck to the collar and a bit of Trig spit-up on one shoulder! It can be yours! You can put it on your body! You can wear it every day and pretend Sarah Palin is hugging you all the time!

This glorious gift is being given in conjunction with conservative blabbermouth Laura Ingraham, who has arranged for proceeds to go to the Wounded Warrior Project and Fisher House, two fine charities that provide services for military families and veterans. As of right now, the auction is up to…

…wait for it…

6,900 American dollars. And there's a week of bidding left, good lord.

Here is a "smart shopper" tip from me to you: If you are the type of person who can drop seven G's on your credit card right now, maybe just give directly to the Wounded Warrior Project and Fisher House so your dollars support military families and veterans (who need help) and not Sarah Palin's ego (which is doing just fine).

What, can't a right-wing talk show host mention the Speaker of the House and the phrase "sell her own body" in the same sentence? Is there a "hooker references panel" now too?

Come on. Everybody settle down. Let's look at what Laura Ingraham really said this morning…

Speaking on FOX, Ingraham announced that the speaker did everything but "sell her own body" to win the 220-to-215 vote.

"I mean Nancy Pelosi did everything but sell her own body to get this bill passed… She did everything, everything was on the table. So she had to swallow the bitter bill of the Stupak amendment otherwise this thing wouldn't have passed."

Look, there it is in black and white. Laura Ingraham said Nancy Pelosi did everything but sell her own body to pass the health care bill. That means Laura Ingraham knows Nancy Pelosi did not offer $10 blowjobs in the back of the cloakroom in order to win Blue Dog votes. She absolutely did not do that!

Who would suggest such a terrible thing, anyway?

Boy, some people have filthy minds.