What are libertarians? What values do they hold dear? What do they want out of life? What do they like to eat? Why is it that they can see a pentangle on the palm of their next victim when the full moon shines? Am I maybe confusing libertarians with werewolves?

The Daily Show investigates…

April 27, 2005: Fire Hazard

More after the jump.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

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If you're not too exhausted from all the exercising of your Second Amendment rights you've been doing at health care town halls recently for some reason, maybe you can take the time to load up your AK and fire a round into the play button of these ten (that's the Second Amendment x5) Daily Show gun clips…

December 7, 2006: 10 F#@king Years – The Second Amendment and You

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Ron Paul fans, it seems, are finally taking the rest of the world's advice and fucking themselves…

The Republican congressman from Texas, whose libertarian insurgency enlivened the 2008 presidential race, is the inspiration behind the new Web dating service RonPaulSingles.com. "We put the LOVE in Revolution," the site proclaims.

Yes, you just read that. And now you're going to read it again. Because, well, you don't often get to read sentences that awesome…

The Republican congressman… is the inspiration behind the new Web dating service RonPaulSingles.com.

Did you get that? A Ron Paul-inspired dating site. A place on the Internet where young people can go to meet like-minded anarchists, smoke some pot with one another while lamenting its illegality, trade stories of Black Block protesting, talk lovingly about a 73-year-old doctor who does not believe in evolution but does believe that George Bush planted bombs in the World Trade Center, and then have sexual intercourse. That is now a thing that exists in the world in which you live!

"I never thought I'd speak to crowds of 5,000 college kids chanting 'End the Fed' and burning Federal Reserve notes, so I guess nothing surprises me that much anymore," Paul wrote to [some reporter or something]. "I suppose it's all about Freedom bringing people together — spiritually, politically, and now, romantically… And, I've always been sympathetic to the slogan 'make love, not war.'"

First of all, puke.

Second of all, you do realize that in 3.2 million years, when squid-people biologists manage to pinpoint the exact moment when the species Homo Libertarius branched off from the human race, it'll be attributed to the fossilized remains of that website, don't you?

This summer, why not take your vacation back from Big Government by visiting Somalia, where the beaches are fully deregulated, the police are maintained by rational self-interest, and the libertarianism is always ripe and succulent…

(via Slog)

Something exciting's happening these days. Can't you just smell it in the air? It smells sort of gasoline-y, with some sulfur-ish overtones. And definitely some unwashed stale perspiration.

Yeah, that right! According to the Missouri Information Analysis Center, it's militia-joining time!

"Due to the current economical and political situation, a lush environment for militia activity has been created," the Feb. 20 report reads. "Unemployment rates are high, as well as costs of living expenses. Additionally, President Elect Barrack [sic] Obama is seen as tight on gun control and many extremists fear that he will enact firearms confiscations."

MIAC is one of 58 so-called "fusion centers" nationwide that were created by the Department of Homeland Security, in part, to collect local intelligence that authorities can use to combat terrorism and related criminal activities.

You don't have to pitch to me anymore of your silly fearful plan to spy on U.S. citizens. 'Cause I'm sold! I'm joinin' up one of them there militias you speak of.

Let's see… I've already got the unkempt beard and festering misanthropy. What are some of the other requirements?

People who supported former third-party presidential candidates like Texas Rep. Ron Paul, Chuck Baldwin and former Georgia Rep. Bob Barr are cited in the report, in addition to anti-abortion activists and conspiracy theorists who believe the United States, Mexico and Canada will someday form a North American Union.

"Militia members most commonly associate with 3rd party political groups," the report reads. "It is not uncommon for militia members to display Constitutional Party, Campaign for Liberty or Libertarian material."

Oh, bummer. I was hoping to join a group of disaffected guerrilla soldiers living in the woods, arming myself against imaginary threats and gleefully defecating into freshly-dug holes in the ground.

I didn't know I'd have to hang out with crazy people.

* The Weekly Standard's Fred Barnes won't do your research for you. Hey, he won't even do his own research for himself!

* If you think the Bernie Madoff scandal makes you sick now, wait till you experience it in musical form.

* Facebook group "1,000,000 Strong to Strip the Mormon Church of its Tax Exempt Status" only short by about 9,995,000 members or so.

* Reason mag looks into President Obama's War on the Economy.

* Joe Lieberman, just as popular in his home state as you'd expect him to be.

* I almost wrote that Governor Schwarzenegger was planning to terminate thousands of jobs, but then I thought better of it.