So Indecision asked me to write a list of women who have had infamous sexual relationships with political figures.
“Oh, like political mistresses?" I asked.
“No. More like Secret Girlfriends,” they replied.
“Secret Girlfriends? What? Why would you call them that?”
“Oh, no reason.”

#7 – William Rufus King
Senator from Alabama, Vice President under Franklin Pierce, and according to some, President James Buchanan’s lover. “Where’s my proof,” you ask? To which I reply, “Proof? Really? This is the internet.” In any event, Buchanan was our nation’s only bachelor President and he did live with King for quite some time. Need more? Well, apparently Andrew Jackson used to refer to King as “Miss Nancy.” So there’s that. Although I must confess that even in the 1800’s “Miss Nancy” seems like a pretty weak slam on a guy you’re trying to paint as gay. Is that really the best Old Hickory could do? More like “Old Dickory,” amirite? See what I mean?

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Well, this is clever…

However, I'll pretty annoyed if Mark Sanford starts elbowing his way into my Zooey Deschanel fantasies now and refusing to leave.

I'd rather him just stay put in my Mark Sanford fantasies. (Must he be in all the fantasies?)

Lovelorn Gov. Mark Sanford — the Eva Peron of South Carolina politics* — may be reluctant to leave office since his drastic reversal of opinion on executive accountability, but his state's legislators don't seem to be feeling quite so weepy and forgiving of their head of state's various tresspasses.

In fact, they might even be willing to start tossing around The I Word* a little…

"Lawmakers, once reluctant to discuss removing Sanford, will weigh what it would take to force the Republican governor out and how the process would work."

"Sanford has been under fire since secretly leaving the country for five days in June to meet his lover and later admitting an extramarital affair with the Argentine woman. Since then, Sanford has been under fire for flying in expensive business-class seats and his use of state and private planes. All could violate state law or ethics rules."

This is exactly like Romeo & Juliet, except with less suicide-by-poison and more schadenfreude.

_{* His version of "Don't Cry for Me, South Carolina" always brings the state house down.
** And I'm not talking about "intercourse." Though I'm sure Gov. Sanford is.}

Poor South Carolina governor Mark Sanford has been living out of a suitcase lately, what with his trade mission to Argentina, and then his jaunt to Overshare City, and most recently a five-day trip with his wife, which I'm sure did not involve any awkward silences whatsoever.

You know what Mark Sanford needs right now? A vacation…

Gov. Mark Sanford said he is leaving the state today for a two-week European vacation with his wife and four sons.

Since June 18, Sanford has been at work 15 of 25 business days. And according to his schedule, provided to The State under the S.C. Freedom of Information Act, Sanford will be on vacation or have no official state business for 52 of 148 weekdays in 2009 through the end of July.

What is this, grade school? We give our elected officials attendance reports? Please. Sarah Palin is governor-for-life of Real America, even though she's dropping out this weekend. Doesn't matter.

Besides, Gov. Sanford has no choice. He's got to spend two weeks in Europe…

Sanford said he considered canceling the trip, but that his children had raised money to help pay for the excursion by selling lemonade.

And if there is one fact we know about Mark Sanford, it's that he would never, ever do anything to disappoint his family.

On last night's Daily Show, Jon Stewart reported on the rash of ass-kissing emails sent to South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford by media outlets. Who knew Walter Cronkite would be rolling in his grave so soon after entering it?

After the jump, coverage of the story continues and Jon takes Brian Williams to task.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

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Question for any South Carolinians out there: Is "Please, have some dignity and stop talking to the media" local slang for "Please, keep babbling about your feelings in public"? Because despite explicit advice to the contrary, Gov. Mark Sanford has overshared again, this time taking to the op-ed page of the very newspaper that broke his sordid story.

Well, maybe it's for the best. Otherwise he would've called everyone in the state, probably during dinner…

I have struggled with how best to convey my regret in letting so many down, and in that regard I realize this column does not do justice to the process of saying “I am sorry.” A hand-written note or phone call would ultimately be more appropriate, but given the number of people I need to apologize to, I write this to begin the journey of trying to get things more right with you and others.

It is true that I did wrong and failed at the largest of levels, but equally true is the fact that God can make good of our respective wrongs in life.

Bam!

And with that Mark Sanford has put himself back in the saddle as a "2012 contender," because let's face it, even Sarah Palin's op-ed went on for eleven paragraphs before using God as a rationale for whatever her stupid point was.

Well played, sir. Well played.