Indecision Forever » Massachusetts

Colbert Better Knows California's 12th District

Matt Tobey — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:16:21 +0000

Anyone who knows anything about politics knows the true measure of a legislator isn't his or her voting record, it's how well he or she can gleam the cube (ask your parents). So last night, after grilling California Congresswoman Jackie Speier about her district's plans to cure gayness, Stephen Colbert took to the halls of Congress armed with his board and a hunger for shredding.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Colbert: Barney Frank Is Not a Great Outdoorsman

Matt Tobey — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 19:50:22 +0000

So, according to Barney Frank, "outdoorsman" is the latest euphemism for "pot smoker." And that's cool, but check it out, bro; what does that word even mean? Outdoorsman? Like, does it mean a man who lives outside a door? Does that mean there are men living inside doors? Bro, listen, what if there's a man living inside my door, and I don't even know it. Maybe he doesn't even know about us, the outdoorsmen. Think about it.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

YOU DECIDE Caption Challenge: Senators Paul G. Kirk and John Kerry

TheInDecider — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 19:29:32 +0000

Caption Challenge: Senators Paul G. Kirk and John Kerry

TheInDecider — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 18:18:09 +0000

Leave your captions in the comments section of this post.

Massachusetts Names Some Guy to Replace Ted Kennedy in Senate

Dennis DiClaudio — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 15:33:05 +0000

With the tragic death of Sen. Ted Kennedy at the age of however-old-he-was, it appeared that Massachusetts would be left underrepresented in the Senate, right in the middle of the health care debate, a debate that — like booze –was very dear to Kennedy's heart.

This was due to the fact that four years ago — back when Massachusetts senator John Kerry was running for president — the state amended its constitution so that interim senators could not be appointed without a special election.

But, hey, that was four years ago. The world was a very, very different place back then. I mean, there was a Republican governor! Can you even imagine? Anyway, that craziness has all changed, so guess what happened.

And then guess what's happening now…

Governor Deval Patrick will announce on Thursday that Paul G. Kirk, Jr. will be named as the temporary replacement to fill Ted Kennedy's vacant senate seat, WBZ has learned.

Hmmm… Who is Paul G. Kirk, Jr.? Why does his name sound familiar? Well, I don't know the answer to that, but you're probably just confused.

Although, I suppose it's possible that you remember him as a pharmaceutical lobbyist for Aventis ten years ago. No? How about as the chairman of Democratic National Committee from 1985 to 1989. Not that either, huh? How about his stint as treasurer of the Democratic Party in 1983? Special assistant to Sen. Ted Kennedy from 1969 to 1977, which included the fallout from the senator's notorious incident on Chappaquiddick island in '69?

Do you maybe remember him having a fight to the death with a Vulcan caught deep in the throes of Pon farr? That's what I thought. You're confused.

Massachusetts Legislator in Favor of Taxes, Just for Other People

Dennis DiClaudio — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:33:48 +0000

Here's a free piece of advice for state legislators who feel like voting to raise taxes and then buying tons of booze in a neighboring tax-free state: Make sure to use a car with your official state legislator license plate on it, so that everybody knows how important you are and will leave you alone…

A Westport [Massachusetts] lawmaker who voted to hike the state sales and alcohol taxes was spotted brazenly piling booze in his car — adorned with his State House license plate — in the parking lot of a tax-free New Hampshire liquor store, the Herald has learned.

[Democrat] Michael J. Rodrigues' blue Ford Crown Victoria, emblazoned with his "House 29" Massachusetts license plate, was parked outside a Granite State liquor store on Interstate-95 South over the weekend, according to a witness who provided pictures to the Herald.

Another piece of advice: When beseeching nosy taxpayers to leave you be so that you can carry on with the privileges of your station, make sure to be as rude and dismissive as possible, so that nobody will want to embarrass you publicly…

The witness, who requested anonymity, claimed he approached Rodrigues, noted his State House plate, and asked if he was on personal or official business. Rodrigues, who was loading booze into his car, snapped "mind your own business," the witness said.

Excellent work, Congressperson. Now I'm sure no one will hear about this incident.

Sorry, Massachusetts, Mitt Romney Won't Be Your Next Ted Kennedy

Mary Phillips-Sandy — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 16:55:04 +0000

It's a sad day for Massachusettsians who've been hoping Ted Kennedy's vacant Senate seat would be filled by someone with all the charisma of an ATM: Mitt Romney says he's busy, thanks…

"Governor Romney's focus right now is on helping other Republicans run for office, and that is how he will be spending his time," Romney aide Eric Fehrnstrom said in an e-mail to CNN.

How noble of the Romneybot, to spend his time helping other Republicans run for office! Gee, I wonder how long he'll keep that up… until 2010? 2011? 2013? Who can hazard even the tiniest, wildest guess?

Oh, and one other thing. Despite not wanting Kennedy's seat out of the goodness of his own heart, Romney is attending the funeral, where he will pay tribute to the man he challenged for a Senate seat in '94, back when he wasn't so generous. And — funny coincidence — just like President Obama, Romney is leaving his vacation early to join the mourners.

But UNLIKE Barack Obama, who is insulting taxpayers with his high-falutin' Martha's Vineyard vacation, Mitt Romney is…

…cutting short his vacation in Italy to attend Kennedy’s funeral.

Man, the conservative talk show hosts are gonna destroy this guy in 2012.

From the Pork Barrel: More Cowbell from the White House?

Dennis DiClaudio — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 21:45:08 +0000

* Somebody at the White House is obviously less than a million years old.

* John Oliver is the Usain Bolt of making fun of Glenn Beck.

* Remembering the Kennedy boys: Who was the most do-able?

* Behind every great Massachusetts politician is about 800 or 900 women.

* Keith Olbermann's quest to become the liberal Bill O'Reilly is going exactly according to plan.

* But do these conservative politicians really love Chuck Norris for Chuck Norris?

Barack Obama on Ted Kennedy Direct from the Heart of Kennedyland

Dennis DiClaudio — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 14:50:19 +0000

Here's President Barack Obama on Martha's Vineyard giving his thoughts on a man whom he considered "the greatest United States senator of our time" and who considered him the heir to the Kennedy name (as equally kind and dubious as that might be)…

Am I the only one who thinks it's a little odd that Barack Obama brings his family to Martha's Vineyard and then a few days later Ted Kennedy dies in nearby Hyannis? Especially since Kennedy was hospitalized pretty much immediately after Obama's inauguration in January.

So, what am I suggesting? That Obama has been sneaking into Kennedy's home, slipping into his bedroom and perching himself on the ailing senator's chest while sucking the Kennedy je ne sais quoi from his lungs?

No, I'm not. But you weren't completely scandalized by the implication, were you?

Ted Kennedy Might Have Had Inside Information About His Ailing Health

Dennis DiClaudio — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 13:28:06 +0000

Sen. Kennedy was apparently aware that he would soon be adjourning to the Great Kennedy Compound in the Sky, because just last week he asked Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick (a Democrat) and top state legislators (Democrats) to amend the state's constitution to allow for an interim senator to be quickly put in his place if he should be unable to serve, especially in the middle of the current health care reform debate…

In his letter, which was obtained by the Globe, Kennedy said that he backs the current succession law, enacted in 2004, which gives voters the power to fill a US Senate vacancy. But he said the state and country need two Massachusetts senators.

"I strongly support that law and the principle that the people should elect their senator," Kennedy wrote. "I also believe it is vital for this Commonwealth to have two voices speaking for the needs of its citizens and two votes in the Senate during the approximately five months between a vacancy and an election."

Under the 2004 law, if Kennedy were to die or step down, voters would select his successor in a special election to be held within five months of the vacancy. But the law makes no provisions for Massachusetts to be represented in the Senate in the interim. In the meantime, President Obama’s plan to overhaul the nation’s health care system, the fate of which may hinge on one or two votes, could come before Congress.

I'm not sure sure where that legislation stands today, but if I have a strong suspicion that the state of Massachusetts didn't suddenly get it together enough in one week at the tail end of August to overhaul their constitution.

Oh, by the way, the best part about this is that the Massachusetts state legislator just five years ago — when John Kerry (Democrat) was running for president and Mitt Romney (Republican) was governor — amended their constitution so that the governor couldn't appoint a senator.

I wonder what changed between then and now.