Indecision Forever » Michelle Malkin

Stephen Colbert Re-Brands "Reconciliation" as "Legislative Gangbang"

Dennis DiClaudio — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 17:25:23 +0000

Let's face it. Words really are nothing more than sounds that east coast, big city, lesbian poets make in coffee houses to get people to snap their fingers in agreement. Or scribbles that big university academics make on pieces of mashed up wood so that they can pretend they're better than you. What I'm saying is, words are elitist, and if you're reading these words, you might want to consider punching yourself in the face, you liberal pansy.

But words don't need to be elitist. Let's take back words from the word-mongers! Let's re-brand them as something a little more manly, a little more American. Like, "info-grunts." Or "idehowls."

Stephen Colbert knows what I'm info-grunting about…

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

From the Pork Barrel: Forgetting 9/11, Remembering the Garlic

Mary Phillips-Sandy — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 21:45:16 +0000

* Mr. Nine eleven forgot that nine eleven nine elevened on nine eleven!!9!!!11!!!!

* GOP, to Michael Steele: "Please stop." Michael Steele, to GOP: "Shut up." America, to itself: "Sigh."

* The U.S. shed 85,000 jobs last month, because our economy eats green shoots and leaves.

* You loved his goat-fucking turn on The Colbert Report. Now Erick Erickson stars in a new comedy called "Internet Petition," also featuring Mitt Romney and Chuck Norris.

* Speaking of vampires (and werewolves): Councilman Jim Ramsey of Lawndale, California has become a minor sensation for saying that thing about the garlic, but he wasn't being serious. Or… was he?

Conservative Candidate Achieves the Impossible in NY-23

Dennis DiClaudio — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 13:25:38 +0000

When plucky arch-conservative Doug Hoffman — representing Glenn Beck's Tea Party Party –stepped into the race for New York's 23rd district, even though Republican Dede Scozzafava was already running, he was on his way to truly making history.

And, last night, he and all his supporters — including Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and Michelle Malkin — achieved what many thought could not be done: They delivered the NY-23 congressional seat into Democratic hands for the first time in more than a century…

Democrat Bill Owens Tuesday won New York's 23rd Congressional District, parts of which have been in Republican hands since the Civil War.

Conservative Doug Hoffman conceded shortly after midnight. With 88 percent of precincts reporting, Owens led Hoffman by nearly 4,300 votes.

What more proof do you need that the politics of divisiveness really does achieve results?

From the Pork Barrel: Antichrist, Superstar

Dennis DiClaudio — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 21:58:47 +0000

* One in twelve New Jerseyans even dumber than you think they are.

* I'll bet I could spend all 24,000,000,000 hours of the day reading through the #michellemalkinmath hashtag on Twitter.

* Orly Taitz is just like an honorable version of Nelson Mandela.

* Is Bill O'Reilly endorsing socialism?

* Consider Philadelphia's two biggest issues — money and cheesesteaks — solved! Thanks, Dr. Phil!

Jon Stewart Slams ACORN

Matt Tobey — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 13:37:11 +0000

Remember when we defended ACORN from accusations of voter fraud? Yeah, turns out the only reason they weren't committing voter fraud was because they were too swamped with setting up HUD-sponsored brothels. Whoops. Barack Obama and John McCain must feel like dummies. Though, who could have ever predicted we shouldn't have trusted a group whose logo looks like a hand gripping a dong?

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

The Important Issue of This Missing Birth Certificate

Dennis DiClaudio — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 15:48:28 +0000

Q: What do Bill O'Reilly, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin and the editorial board of The National Review Online have in common?

A: Yep, you guessed it. They all think you're an idiot if you're buying into this birther conspiracy nonsense.

Because, yes, it's precisely that stupid.

The Health Care Debate is Unleashing Creativity from Every Crevice of America

Mary Phillips-Sandy — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 18:16:31 +0000

This was not widely reported in the "MSM," but last month the delightful Michelle Malkin ran a very important "Obamacare poster contest" on her blog, which soars o'er the muck of the internet like a million eagles screeching into the sunset.

The submissions Michelle received were just as insightful, nuanced and discerning as you might imagine, and obviously this is an excellent way to advance the health care debate in the United States, some fun Photoshopping. It beats a lame sketch about Hitler, right? Really, I couldn't see how any of it would ever go wrong, this festive mix of rational thought and creativity and free speech and technology and all.

And then this morning someone forwarded me this email, which as far as I know is unrelated to the Malkin contest BUT follows a similar vein AND has been "making the rounds," as the kids say, under the subject line Obamacare Healthcare is coming soon!

Oh boy oh boy oh boy…

That's right, folks! Barack Obama will tax your health benefits and then flee with the money to Africa, where he will convert all the tribespeople to Socialism and become their king after developing inhumanly muscular calves.

Don't say you weren't warned.

Michelle Malkin vs. Pat Buchanan: Can You Tell the Difference?

Katie Halper — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 23:06:58 +0000

She's half his age. He's twice her size. She's (much to her chagrin) Asian-American. He's as American as it gets (without actually being Native American and discounting his Irish immigrant ancestry.) Yet, in some ways, this femme fatale blogger and alpha male TV talker are very much alike. See if you can tell the difference between Michelle Malkin and Pat Buchanan.

No cheating! All cheaters will be deported.

Biography

Which one…

1. is related to Marilyn Manson

2. is Married to a Jew and posed with a swastika

3. is a member of the Sons of Confederate Veterans

4. outed an intifada-supporting Food Network star

5. prefers old fashioned bigotry to affirmative action

6. got dressed in salad

7. would be flattered to be compared to Ann Coulter

8. has been on MSNBC, Fox News Channel, C-SPAN Both!

9. advised a serving U.S. President to burn evidence

10. is a self-described "cat-fan," and winner of PETA's (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) "Strongest Backbone" award while described by an FBI agent as "sneaky," "dishonest," and "criminal

Bibliography

Which one wrote…

1. Churchill, Hitler, and "the Unnecessary War": how Britain lost its empire

2. The Death of the West: How Dying Populations and Iigrant Invasions Imperil Our Country and Civilization

3. Unhinged: Exposing Liberals Gone Wild

4. In Defense of Internment: The Case for "Racial Profiling" in World War II and the War On Terror

5. Invasion: How America Still Welcomes Terrorists, Criminals, and Other Foreign Menaces

6. State of Emergency: The Third World Invasion and Conquest of America

Quotations

Which one said…

1. "I'm a contra too."

2. "Bean-counting government bureaucrats are free to take race, ethnicity and gender into account when doling out public funds to non-white-male contractors. But God help law enforcement officers, air marshals and border agents who try to use those same factors to combat terrorism and protect American lives."

3. "We knew Chris Matthews had no shame. Now we also know the king of TV ghouls has no souls."

4. "'Darwinism' contains dogmas men may believe, but cannot stand the burden of proof, the acid of attack or the demands of science."

5. "The agenda Clinton & Clinton would impose on America — abortion on demand, a litmus test for the Supreme Court, homosexual rights."

6. "I'm American, for goodness' sake."

Answers after the jump.

Read more of Katie Halper's political commentary on Katie Halper Dot Com.

* * *

Answers

Biography: 1. PB, 2. M M, 3. PB, 4. MM, 5. PB, 6. PB, 7. MM, 8. Both!, 9. PB, 10. P B *

Bibilography: 1. PB, 2. PB, 3. MM, 4. MM, 5. MM, 6. PB

Quotations: 1. PB, 2. MM, 3. MM, 4. PB, 5. PB, 6. MM

The Most Attractive (Physically, Not Cerebrally) Women in the GOP

Dennis DiClaudio — Thu, 14 May 2009 18:40:39 +0000

I just wrote a really long essay about how much I disagree with this list of The Hottest (Lady) Elephants in the GOP Room that Jessica Strul put together for The Frisky, and not one of the points I made was that the very idea of the list was idiotic.

I'm too embarrassed to publish the entirety of what I wrote, so lemme just give you the Cliff's Notes version…

* Was "Hottest (Lady) Elephants" really the most appropriate or clever title they could come up with? And can we expect "Hottest Democrat (Lady) Asses" as a follow-up?

* Totally agree with Strul on Sarah Palin (#1) and Michelle Malkin (#7), despite how much I dislike their ideologies.

* Ann Coulter (#2) looks like a foot wearing a wig; that fact alone should have kept her off the list.

* ~~Mary~~ Liz Cheney (#8) what? How? Why? Really? (Update: My mistake. It's Liz Cheney. Accidentally wrote the wrong name; my confusion still applies.)

* Michele Bachmann and Fox News' Megyn Kelly were robbed by Cheney and Coulter.

Well, that part of my life is over now, thankfully. And I'm only 13 percent stupider than when I started.

The Blog Hole: Michelle Malkin, Tea Parties and Lesbians

John DeVore — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 17:00:21 +0000

Obama Oppresses Right Wing Fruitcakes: The ever provocative, subtle and conservative blogger Michelle Malkin accuses the Obama Administration of crying wolf over alleged "right-wing extremism." Which is liberal code for "Bible-thumping, redneck nutters." [michellemalkin.com]

Hot Republican Erotica: HuffPo writer Jason Linkins has uncovered what really turns on moralizing, political prigs. With hott NSFW video action! [huffingtonpost.com]

Sorry Protesters, Americans Love Taxes: Salon's Joan Walsh takes on Tea Parties, raucous protests thrown by conservatives fed up with paying income taxes. Which sounds perfectly reasonable. Wait, it isn't? [salon.com]

Somalia Is One Messed Up Clusterhump: Charles R. Stith points out that while the recent military response to a pirate situation was successful, stopping piracy requires rebuilding a nation shattered into millions of pathetic little pieces. [boston.com]

Reality Check, Courtesy of Michelle Malkin

Mary Phillips-Sandy — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 16:58:06 +0000

If you're looking for an antidote to all the Socialist hopiness that's infecting the Obamedia today, look no further than Michelle Malkin's blog, where she is posting an Inauguration cliche count.

By 10:57 a.m., "Amazing peaceful transition of power" was topping the list.

God, that level of MSM bias just sickens me.

Despite Campaign of Hope, America Still Too Sexist to Change

Dylan and Ethan Ris — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 04:20:20 +0000

Bow your heads, America. Despite a spirited campaign that left shattered glass and dead moose everywhere it went, reality has set in: America is still too sexist for a female vice-president.

If not now, when America?? How dare you vote for Barack Obama just because Sarah Palin is a woman? She wasn't even convicted in that Troopergate thing for crying out loud!

Looks like we're going to have to wait until 2012 for women to get a fair share in this country. Michelle Malkin, Phyllis Schlafly, we're looking at you.

Help Sara Benincasa Have Hot Lesbian Conservative Hate Sex with Michelle Malkin

Dennis DiClaudio — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 02:21:35 +0000

Comedian/political blogger Sara Benincasa has a dream.

Won't you help her make it come true?

For a better explanation, read Sara's "Help Me Fuck Michelle Malkin in the Hot Blogger Calendar"* after the jump…

I have a dream.

It's a small dream, but it means a lot. And I'd like to ask for your help.

I've been nominated for this Hot Blogger Calendar thing. Once I found out why I was getting a sudden spike in hits on my blog, Que Sera Sara, I checked the site out and nominated Kambri Crews, Baratunde Thurston, Richard Lawson, and Diana Saez. Whatevs, it's not creepy.

Here's who else has been nominated for the girls part of the calendar: MICHELLE FUCKING MALKIN. Do you understand how amazing this is? No? Go to her website and just hang the fuck out for like an hour. Read some columns. Her apologia for racial profiling is HYSTERICAL. She's not funny on purpose like Coulter, either. It's inadvertent, and therefore amazing.

She also founded a conservative Internetwork (whee!). AND GUESS WHAT HER SITE IS FULL OF? I know, right? She rules.

My rationale is this: chicks on titty calendars usually pose with other chicks, right? 'Cause it fuels the straight man's lipstick femmebian fantasy. Now, I don't know how hardcore this calendar is gonna be, seeing as it's being put together in part by a prominent mommyblogger, BUT. I'm pretty sure that if I get to be at the shoot, I can sweet-talk the photographer into letting me pose naked with or in fact make out with Michelle Malkin. Either way, awesome.

Will Michelle be into it, though? My answer is an unqualified "yes." As her Flickr page attests, she LOVES Five for Fighting concerts and HATES Democrats! She thinks the war is fucking awesome! I think SHE'S fucking awesome.

So. Please "nominate" (i.e., vote) for me here. My Blog is called Que Sera Sara. My Twitter name is SaraJBenincasa.

Um, and also nominate Michelle? Because it would probably make all our lives better, is what I'm saying.

This is nothing compared to what I'm going to do to Michelle Malkin's [cat]!

* I originally found this on Facebook, but I can't link to a Facebook page. However, Sara was kind enough to allow me to reprint it here. I hope all her dreams come true.

Stephen Colbert is a Really Real Fake Conservative

CubbyChaser — Tue, 27 May 2008 20:10:29 +0000

Are you smart enough to know a fake conservative masquerading as a real conservative when you see one?

Well, how about a real conservative masquerading as fake conservative masquerading as a real conservative?

When your head stops exploding, take a look at what the traitors at the CC Insider have uncovered about what the patriots at Country Above Self have uncovered about Stephen Colbert…

He is well known for his undying admiration of Bill O'Reilly and his scathing parodies of homosexuals (the ambiguously gay duo) and blame-america-firsters (you know who you are). The best part is that liberals often mindlessly mistake his genuine outrage for sarcasm and believe he's on their side while he's quite effectively evicerating them.

Continue reading at The CC Insider…

A Grammar Lesson on the Proper Usage of "Swift-Boating"

CubbyChaser — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 15:32:35 +0000

This is a very important blog post. What you should do is print it out, fold it up and keep it in your pocket at all times.

Then, the next time a friend or co-worker has a fainting spell and there's no smelling salts around, all you'll have to do is take it out and read it aloud to the victim. He or she will wake up swinging. Seriously, it works!

A reminder to conservatives from half-human/half-succubus pundit Michelle Malkin…

"Swift-Boating" does not equal smearing. Swift-Boating means exposing hard truths about corrupt Democrats.

By using "Swift-Boating" in the context of the John McCain/NYT story, you are doing a grave disservice to the Swift Boat Veterans who courageously told the untold truths about John Kerry that the mainstream media wanted buried.

I'm told that they read this post to bulls just seconds before they're released from their pens at rodeos. That seems like animal cruelty to me. Someone should call PETA.

…and Bill O'Reilly Jumps into the Ring!

LiveBlogger — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 19:03:16 +0000

Was Bill O'Reilly making a veiled threat to kill John McCain on his show last night? It kinda seems like it…

"Believe me, if McCain is the Republican nominee, the same media that's giving him good coverage now, are going to turn and try to cut his throat, because the media in America wants to elect a Democratic President."

Wow. The GOP talking point memo on McCain must have been italicized, bolded and underlined; all the attacks dogs are after him.

Can it be long before Michelle Malkin is clawing her way down the side of his campaign bus, moonlight glimmering off her blood-stained fangs?