As John McCain and Barack Obama get closer to picking their running mates, we're sure we know what's on their minds: "Which Batman villain matches most closely to the person I'm considering as my running mate?" After all, that's how presidential candidates have been picking vice presidents since 1939. Well, we thought we'd make it easy for them with this handy chart:

VPs for John McCain:

Mitt Romney = Two-Face
Romney's stances on the issues switch so much it's as if he's making ideological decisions based on coin flips. And you should see what his face looks like under the skin graft. Nothing but metal and wires.

Tim Pawlenty = Two-Face
Pawlenty had been rocking a mullet for a while, but now that he's getting close to being a contender, he cuts it off? Sounds pretty two-faced to us!

VPs for Barack Obama:

Mike Bloomberg = Two-Face
The self-made billionaire and NYC mayor is a Democrat turned Republican turned Independent. Plus, if the rumors of his adolescent womanizing are at least partially true, we assume he used to be taller than four-foot-eight and didn't talk like a cabaret singer.

Kathleen Sebelius = Two-Face
As the Democratic governor of a red state, she's had to pretend to hate things like gays and abortions in private while loving them in public. Plus, if she side-steps Hillary Clinton to become the first woman to win on a presidential ticket, expect to see donations to Hillary Clinton Supporters for Throwing Sulfuric Acid in Kathleen Sebelius' Face go through the roof.

Bill Richardson = Catwoman
So limber that cats in New Mexico are often described as, "lithe as a Richardson."

Speaking of independents, with speculated campaigns from Mike Bloomberg and Ron Paul, it looks like we may get a choice of third-party candidates this time around. And, from the looks of it, they may end up causing more damage to McCain than to Clinbama…

In a proposed McCain-Obama matchup, Obama led McCain by five points. When Bloomberg and Paul are added as options, Obama's lead increases to seven points, with Paul taking 11% of the vote and Bloomberg taking 5%. The poll was done with Romney still in the race and matched him with Clinton; in that case, the addition of Bloomberg and Paul increased Clinton's lead by 14 points.

In all matchups, the inclusion of the two third-party candidates attracted 13% to 17% from the Republicans, but only 5% to 10% from the Democrats.

What about that other guy. What's his name again?

[Ralph] Nader, who wasn't included in the poll, would most likely take votes from Democrats and independents.

He'd also be willing to take sandwiches, bowls of soup or any old jackets you have lying around.

The New England Patriots DID have that perfect season — in Nicaragua, where all of their now-inaccurate "19-0" t-shirts and caps are being donated. Presidential candidates who have withdrawn from the race are also donating their campaign stuff:

• Mitt Romney's foam "Mitt '08" mitts are being donated to a Little League team in Bayonne, New Jersey.
• Dennis Kucinich is donating his 0.2% of the vote to 2012 Dennis Kucinich.
• Rudy Giuliani is generously donating the numbers "9" and "11" back to Emergency Services.
• Mike Gravel is…still in the race? Huh.
• Mike Huckabee is donating Jesus to Mike Bloomberg.

According to The New York Times:

Mr. Bloomberg continued to assert that the leading candidates for president had failed to be specific enough in their proposed solutions for the nation

• And now, let's go behind the music…

• What was that date again, Rudy?
• Bloomberg: Can't a guy have some coffee without you people speculating all over it?
• Huckabee does Degeneres doing Newhart.
• Hey everyone! President Bush knows what he wants for Christmas!

• Girls, girls…you're both pretty. Um, well, actually….

• Romney: What, you don't think I consulted with my attorneys before doing this debate, or getting this haircut?
• Thompson has a girlfriend in Canada. Her name's Canada.
• Another Hollywood type with his eyes on the White House?
• Even the heartache of a Yankee loss can't bring these two kids together…
• Maybe Elvis Costello DOES want to go to Chelsea…