You'd think that being tied to convicted felon lobbyists would be political suicide in today's climate.  And you'd certainly think that being a convicted felon yourself would be even worse.  But in Alaska, there may be one sin that trumps both of those…

Being a Democrat.

What we're getting at is that somehow GOP Rep. Don Young (he of the Jack Abramoff affiliations) and Sen. Ted Stevens (he of the seven felony convictions) continue to lead in election returns as we approach 5 a.m. in the East.

What's wrong with Democrats, Alaska?  Was the last one you sent to Washington such a disaster that you're now morally opposed to ever doing it again?  Honestly, how bad could it have been under that last Democrat, who was… let's see here…

Mike Gravel???

Alright, maybe you have a point there, Alaska.

The nation has been buzzing about Alaska's most famous maverick politician all week and, well, we're going to stretch it out one more day… former Senator Mike Gravel (D-AK) is this week's entry in our Presidential Loser Series!

As Americans, we like everything bigger and better than what the other guy has, and Gravel was no exception. Not content to wallow among your garden-variety losers like Tom Vilsack, Jim Gilmore and Hillary Clinton, Gravel eclipsed them with the rare feat of losing two presidential nominations in the same cycle!

Gravel's first loss came as a Democrat. He stood out within the party's field for his knowledge of how to get a prescription for cocaine, but not for his knowledge on how to sneak into a debate. And when the party frontrunners aired standard-issue ads of themselves striding through factories and shaking hands with the entire U.S. Army, Gravel responded with an avant-garde video of himself heaving a rock into a lake — which pundits agree vaulted him over the elusive 240 vote barrier in South Carolina.

Gravel's second defeat was in the Libertarian primary, which came as a surprise to those who hadn't realized he'd quit his Democratic campaign. He got 71 out of 618 votes at the Libertarian Convention, polling fourth behind a research scientist, the self-proclaimed "King of Vegas", and the eventual winner, Bob Barr.

But why should Gravel stop at just losing two nominations? It might not be too late to try to get on the ticket for the Equal Rights Party, or perhaps the Anti-Masonic Party. And what about the Alaskan Independence Party, which we've heard so much about recently… wonder if we could conjure up a feisty fellow Alaskan to serve as VP on that ticket?

Hillary Clinton needs your help. See, she spent a lot of money recently, and she's trying to recoup a little. We've all been there, right?

So she's selling these t-shirts. It's an inspiring message. But it turns out she's not the only candidate looking for a little reimbursement — other ex-candidates are hitting the t-shirt trail as well:

Mitt Romney:

Read more »

Why the shit did we just spend the past year covering the Democratic primaries, when Slate was somehow able to sum it all up in just a little more than eight minutes?

 
(via Videogum)

Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

Home Sweet Home! Well, it's finally over. The voters have voted, the superdelegates have committed, and Terry McAuliffe has been put back in cold storage for Chelsea's presidential bid. And the results are now clear: Barack Obama goes on to five more months of choking down swing-state diner food, while Hillary Clinton returns home to the U.S. Senate.

Of course the Senate is a veritable retirement home for failed presidential candidates. You might say it's the spleen of the federal government. Knowing this, the Senate Pages will now reveal how our old bosses plan to greet Hillary upon her return:

*Joe Lieberman (I-CT) — Congratulate Clinton on her "two-way tie for first."

*Robert Byrd (D-WV) — Mistakenly assume Clinton has died and weep on the Senate floor.

*Harry Reid (D-NV) — Using powers as Majority Leader, appoint Clinton to chair the Senate Select Subcommittee on Menopause.

*Kay Bailey Hutchinson (R-TX), Barbara Boxer (D-CA), and Olympia Snowe (R-ME) — Rattail Clinton in the girls’ locker room and make her sing the French National Anthem.

*Claire McCaskill (D-MO ) — Stare straight ahead and keep walking.

*Jim Bunning (R-KY) — Confide in Hillary that he always thought Obama was limp-wristed and looked like one of Saddam Hussein's sons.

*Ron Wyden (D-OR) — Use Hillary's newly lowered self-esteem as his chance to ask her out.

*Mike Gravel (D-AK, retired) — Phone in a bomb threat to the Capitol.

Let's pause to remember an extraordinary political career, one that was full of surprises and rich, meaty blog-fodder.

That's right: with Bob Barr taking the Libertarian nomination over the weekend, Mike Gravel has declared an end to his life in politics.

As those of you who are capable of finding Wikipedia know, Gravel has been in this game for decades, serving multiple terms in the Alaska House of Representatives and in the United States Senate. He waged a one-man filibuster against the Vietnam draft, read the Pentagon Papers into the Congressional Record and helped get them published by a commercial press. Later, he supported the controversial Trans-Alaska pipeline and stared a lot.

And now it's all over. Clearly, this is a momentous moment for Gravel…

"I just ended my political career," Mr. Gravel said at the [Libertarian] party's convention. "From 15 years old to now, my political career is over, and it's no big deal."

Oh.

Well, I guess this does mean he has more free time to throw stuff in lakes.