We know that November 3, 2009 isn't a real Election Day. But still, we can all pretend. Right? Take a look at these six elections and let us know how much you care.
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When I got into the office this morning, I wrote a nice long post about the "How to Take Back America*" conference in St. Louis this past weekend, but WordPress decided to eat it, in much the way that Barack Obama has eaten all of the Bills of Rights and whatnot.
So, anyway, I am not writing that all over again (Too bad for you, because it was an amazing post; take my word for it.) Instead, here's a real quick highlight roundup, on the the off chance that you couldn't make it…
Oh, and Rep. Trent Franks from Arizona finally let us know who Barack Obama is really trying to destroy: ALL OF HUMANITY!. I gotta say, that's actually a tad more far-reaching of a plan than I thought he'd go for in his first term. But, I guess Yes, We Can and all that, right?
And how could I possibly forget Joe the Plumber winning the coveted Golden Wrench? (That is not even a joke.) However, poor Mr. the Plumber — despite all his honors — still wasn't allowed to change out of his I-just-got-done-painting-the-garage uniform. (I wonder if he'll ever graduate to "real human being.")
All in all, I'd have to say this was the most successful "How to Take Back America*" conference ever. Good job, "How to Take Back America*" conferenceers!
These health care town hall meetings just keep getting angrier and angrier, what with the attacks on members of Congress (not to mention Michele Bachmann giving birth all over the place), so I'm almost afraid to read to the end of this story about yesterday's angry forum held by angry GOP Senators John McCain, Mitch McConnell and Kit Bond in Kansas City…
They blasted President Barack Obama’s vision of health care reform, calling it outlandishly expensive, and predicted it could lead to rationing and outsized budget deficits for years to come.
McCain, Bond and McConnell took turns pounding the Democratic plan.
Uh-oh! Sounds angry! I bet that made some members of the audience really angry! Everybody duck!
The tone of the hourlong session was subdued and the questions, including one from Mayor Mark Funkhouser, were not confrontational. The audience's only response was applause.
How the… what the… is John McCain secretly a unicorn made of ice cream? What other explanation is there?
[T]he GOP forum at Children’s Mercy was by invitation only. About 100 people — mostly medical professionals and small business owners — filled seats in the small auditorium, along with the media.
Well, I guess if you want to listen to the will of the people on contentious policies, you should pick your people pretty carefully.
Wow! This guy really hates posters! Don't anyone unfurl any posters near him!
Maybe I'm being unfair. I suppose that it might be that he doesn't hate posters so much as he hates posters of Rosa Parks.
I'll bet you that his father was killed by a poster of Rosa Parks. If his father was killed by a poster of Rosa Parks, then we shouldn't make fun of him. We should be understanding and not unfurl posters of Rosa Parks at town hall meetings being held by Sen. Claire McCaskill.
That was super not cool, lady who unfurled poster of Rosa Parks at town hall meeting being held by Sen. Claire McCaskill. Why must you hate?
Something exciting's happening these days. Can't you just smell it in the air? It smells sort of gasoline-y, with some sulfur-ish overtones. And definitely some unwashed stale perspiration.
"Due to the current economical and political situation, a lush environment for militia activity has been created," the Feb. 20 report reads. "Unemployment rates are high, as well as costs of living expenses. Additionally, President Elect Barrack [sic] Obama is seen as tight on gun control and many extremists fear that he will enact firearms confiscations."
MIAC is one of 58 so-called "fusion centers" nationwide that were created by the Department of Homeland Security, in part, to collect local intelligence that authorities can use to combat terrorism and related criminal activities.
You don't have to pitch to me anymore of your silly fearful plan to spy on U.S. citizens. 'Cause I'm sold! I'm joinin' up one of them there militias you speak of.
Let's see… I've already got the unkempt beard and festering misanthropy. What are some of the other requirements?
People who supported former third-party presidential candidates like Texas Rep. Ron Paul, Chuck Baldwin and former Georgia Rep. Bob Barr are cited in the report, in addition to anti-abortion activists and conspiracy theorists who believe the United States, Mexico and Canada will someday form a North American Union.
"Militia members most commonly associate with 3rd party political groups," the report reads. "It is not uncommon for militia members to display Constitutional Party, Campaign for Liberty or Libertarian material."
Oh, bummer. I was hoping to join a group of disaffected guerrilla soldiers living in the woods, arming myself against imaginary threats and gleefully defecating into freshly-dug holes in the ground.
I didn't know I'd have to hang out with crazy people.
So you're either ignoring numbers or history. They say those who ignore history are forced to repeat it, but they don't say anything about those who ignore numbers, so I'm going to go ahead and call the election for John McCain.
UPDATE: Politico has added a correction, pointing out that state officials have yet to formally call Missouri, so there remains a sliver of possibility that Barack Obama will be our next president.
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