See, according to Mitt, a cap-and-trade system "could cost the average American family $1,761 a year, the equivalent of a 15% income tax hike." Fine, except a) that's not true and b) if you are Mitt Romney, $1,761 is more like the equivalent of a 0.0000015% income tax hike.

Anyway, enjoy watching your 2012 GOP frontrunner as he talks about math and tries to remember to blink in a human-like fashion, and when you're done, how about making a "generous contribution"? Any amount welcome, from $25 to $1,000 to $5,000, maybe with an emphasis on the higher end there.

Just remember: a $5,000 donation to Mitt Romney is the equivalent of a 42.58% income tax hike.

This was due to the fact that four years ago — back when Massachusetts senator John Kerry was running for president — the state amended its constitution so that interim senators could not be appointed without a special election.

But, hey, that was four years ago. The world was a very, very different place back then. I mean, there was a Republican governor!  Can you even imagine? Anyway, that craziness has all changed, so guess what happened.

And then guess what's happening now…

Governor Deval Patrick will announce on Thursday that Paul G. Kirk, Jr. will be named as the temporary replacement to fill Ted Kennedy's vacant senate seat, WBZ has learned.

Hmmm… Who is Paul G. Kirk, Jr.? Why does his name sound familiar? Well, I don't know the answer to that, but you're probably just confused.

Although, I suppose it's possible that you remember him as a pharmaceutical lobbyist for Aventis ten years ago. No? How about as the chairman of Democratic National Committee from 1985 to 1989. Not that either, huh? How about his stint as treasurer of the Democratic Party in 1983? Special assistant to Sen. Ted Kennedy from 1969 to 1977, which included the fallout from the senator's notorious incident on Chappaquiddick island in '69?

Do you maybe remember him having a fight to the death with a Vulcan caught deep in the throes of Pon farr? That's what I thought. You're confused.

Palin? Pawlenty? Romney? You mean Loser, Loser and Loserbot?

Receiving between 12.4 percent and 11.9 percent of the vote were, in descending order, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, who ran for president in 2008; Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty; former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, the 2008 GOP vice presidential nominee; and Indiana Rep. Mike Pence.

Rounding out the field were former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, the favorite of 6.7 percent of straw poll voters; Lousiana Gov. Bobby Jindal, 4.7 percent; former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum, 2.5 percent; and Rep. Ron Paul of Texas, 2.18 percent.

There you have it, Mike Huckabee will be the One Chosen to defeat Antichrist Barack Obama in 2012, assuming the Republicans build a party strategy that consists entirely of banning abortion and not banning "Freebird."

I'd say there's at least a 28% chance of that.

"Governor Romney's focus right now is on helping other Republicans run for office, and that is how he will be spending his time," Romney aide Eric Fehrnstrom said in an e-mail to CNN.

How noble of the Romneybot, to spend his time helping other Republicans run for office! Gee, I wonder how long he'll keep that up… until 2010? 2011? 2013? Who can hazard even the tiniest, wildest guess?

Oh, and one other thing. Despite not wanting Kennedy's seat out of the goodness of his own heart, Romney is attending the funeral, where he will pay tribute to the man he challenged for a Senate seat in '94, back when he wasn't so generous. And — funny coincidence — just like President Obama, Romney is leaving his vacation early to join the mourners.

But UNLIKE Barack Obama, who is insulting taxpayers with his high-falutin' Martha's Vineyard vacation, Mitt Romney is…

…cutting short his vacation in Italy to attend Kennedy’s funeral.

Man, the conservative talk show hosts are gonna destroy this guy in 2012.

Sounds reliable enough…

Earlier this week one of my best sources claimed to have explosive new information for me. It took all week for us to finally get together, but last night we finally sat down for an amazing conversation. And what I heard made my jaw drop.

According to my source Sarah is finished with Todd and has decided to end their marriage.

Apparently in a fit of anger Sarah stripped the ring from her finger and tossed it into a lake. (No I did not think to ask WHICH lake so I cannot confirm if it is Lake Lucille, on which her house is located, or some other lake. I apologize for not getting clarification, but I was a little tired last night and so was my source.)

Presumably these folks have since gotten their naps, but in the meantime, what are the odds that an elected official, or even a former elected official, is going to acknowledge every scrap of unsubstantiated blathermongering that makes its way to the internet by issuing an actual response through an actual spokesperson?

Right. About as good as the odds that Sarah Palin is having a sexy secret affair with Mitt Romney.

Which I hear, exclusively, is the case.

Click here for larger image.

See also:

Or, maybe they're splitting the I am easily seduced by politicians with strong personalities vote.* Or maybe it's the I'm afraid of mannequins vote.

Ah, whatever. Bottom line: Mitt Romney has a statistically insignificant lead in the GOP primaries with only three years to go!

Mitt Romney continues to hold a slight edge over potential 2012 GOP presidential contenders among Republicans in a poll released Thursday…

Twenty-six percent of Republicans survived said they are most likely to support the former Massachusetts governor in the Gallup poll. Palin trails by five percent with 21 percent. Huckabee came in third with 19 percent and former House Speaker Newt Gingrich earned 14 percent and came in fourth.

I feel bad for Mike Huckabee. If only he were still governor of Arkansas. Then he'd be able to quit mid-term and boost his credibility with Republican voters.

^{* Too bad, because, as we saw in November, they do come out in force.}

If only we could have fifteen presidents. The choosing is just too hard!

The Republican primaries for 2012 began — as you all know — on November 5th, 2009, and at the time things didn't look too stellar for Mitt Romney. But, according to a new poll, things may be looking up…

Former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney has seen his favorability ratings improve and now enjoys a positive balance of opinion among the general public: 40% rate him favorably, 28% unfavorably.

This marks a reversal of opinion from February 2008, during the latter stages of the GOP primary campaign, when just 30% viewed him favorably and 44% expressed an unfavorable opinion.

This isn't really all that surprising. Reversals of opinion are one of Romney's specialties.

He still, however, has a ways to go before he'll be able to catch up to how much people love Sarah Palin. And a ways to go before he'll be able to catch up to how much people hate Sarah Palin…

Palin continues to be divisive figure among the general public, with about as many saying they have an unfavorable impression (44%) as a favorable view (45%) of the Alaska governor.

But, people aside, what about Republicans?

Among Republicans, however, the balance of opinion about Palin is more positive than it is regarding Romney or other leading GOP figures, Newt Gingrich and Michael Steele. More than seven-in-ten Republicans (73%) express a favorable opinion of Palin while just 17% have an unfavorable opinion… And Palin continues to be overwhelmingly popular with key parts of the GOP base – white evangelical Republicans (84% favorable) and conservative Republicans (80% favorable).

Wow. That's closing in on the 91.6% approval rating Jesus had amongst His apostles.

(I wonder who Palin's Judases are.)